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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think dh is over reacting

73 replies

Ellieboolou27 · 03/08/2016 07:04

For leaving my door keys (car key included) in front door overnight by mistake. Tbh I've done this before a few times , but not overnight. He left for work then stormed into leaving room screaming I am fucking lucky whilst throwing keys on sofa, he then slams front door and drives off screeching racer boy style down the road. He then comes home from work still in vile mood, Still moaning at me about it and it went on and on until the next day. I know it's dangerous and we are lucky to not have our house entered or our car stolen, but... It was a mistake. I'm on mat leave and also have a 4 year old and a dog, I am not a disorganised person, house always tidy (ish), dinners always made, dog walked at least twice a day, i guess what I'm trying to say is I do 90% of domestic and childcare as well as looking after the dog and I just simply forgot. He is dragging it on and on and I feel like screaming at him "well nothing happened so move on" but day 2 now and his still moaning and sulking about it.

OP posts:

Albadross · 03/08/2016 08:10

My DH is exactly the same - it's not like him being like this with you is teaching you a lesson or something. It's easily done when you're being distracted by kids anyway. Is he a shining example of organisation or something?

Original poster

Ellieboolou27 · 03/08/2016 08:20

Extendible key ring! Love it, will be checking out Amazon! He is not organised at all albadros in fact quite the opposite, however he is a security freak unlike me, thanks for all the advise, will talk to him tonight.

OP posts:

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 03/08/2016 08:23

His reaction is really unpleasant, and that is the most unreasonable thing here.

But, I would get quite fed up about this. I lived with someone who did this a few times, and eventually her keys were stolen. We know this, because one night when I was on my own in the house, I heard someone trying the lock (which I'd managed to double-lock) and when I got up in the morning, found they'd also climbed over the back wall into the garden and tried to see if they could get in the back door. It was really scary and I was pretty angry - and, from the way you post, I wonder if you don't really believe anything bad will happen? Yes, you say you're lucky not to have your house 'entered' or car stolen. But it could be a lot worse than someone wandering politely into your house, couldn't it?

RhiWrites · 03/08/2016 08:27

Maybe he's not letting it go because your attitude is"nothing happened, move on". Maybe you should say that you're sorry and it was a bloody stupid thing to do and how you'll check and double check so it doesn't happen again.

He sounds as though he's angry because he's scared that this keeps happening and you're not bothered.

Sgtmajormummy · 03/08/2016 08:35

Well, to be frank, a person's car and house are usually their two most valuable possessions and leaving the keys out overnight is like an open invitation to take them.

I know there is also a VERY active black market for selling keys with a traceable address, so the petty criminal who nabs your keys could sell them on to an organised group that could empty your house in half an hour.

This is what prompted us to spend about £200 parts and labour to get our security door lock changed when DH had his manbag (licence, ID, wallet, the lot) lifted at a trade fair. What use is a security door if the burglar's got a key?!

Scared you enough, OP?

However your DH is being over-dramatic.

Babyzoo · 03/08/2016 08:37

To be honest something like this would really piss me off although I wouldn't react like your dh. The question lies in whether he is usually a nice person.

I would be seething because it's such an unsafe thing to keep doing.

You need to find a way to stop doing it.

BillSykesDog · 03/08/2016 08:40

My DH does things like this and it's massively frustrating so I think YABU.

Don't make excuses just say sorry and don't do it again. The don't do it again being the important bit.

Saying sorry for something then doing it again a few weeks later shows a huge lack of respect for both your DP and your family home and also shows you don't really care you did it in the first place. I'd be fuming too.

KittyKrap · 03/08/2016 08:44

I've done this in our old house. It was an ok area but one of the recent crimes was a car key stolen as they could see it through the porch. My neighbour told me about my key and I felt awful. DH just made a joke.

And last week I came down at 6am, couldn't sleep, checked the front door for some reason and it was unlocked. DHs fault. I went mad for about five minutes.

It happens.

MrsKCastle · 03/08/2016 08:44

He's overreacting. I've left keys in the door, including overnight and yes, it's not a good idea. But your H's reaction is ridiculous. He should be sitting down, expressing his concerns without shouting and working out how to stop this happening again.

LotsOfShoes · 03/08/2016 08:48

A bit over the top but I think that using the excuse of doing the childcare etc would be very infuriating. You're not taking reaponsibility for an extremely irresponsible action and you're basically saying it's his fault bc he doesn't do enough childcare.

Original poster

Ellieboolou27 · 03/08/2016 08:50

Comments taken onboard, extendable key ring ordered, of course I am bothered this has happened but I tend to worry more about things that have happened than things that "could" of. Think dp will be appeased that I've done something about it with the key ring so I'm hoping when he comes home it's not going to be another evening of sulking, as I've enough of that during the day with my kids

OP posts:

NoFanJoe · 03/08/2016 08:51

He's over reacting. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's not ok to go round screaming and then sulking for days. When he makes a mistake, does he beat himself up about it for days the way he's putting you through it?
The thing is, there will be future times where you make mistakes that have actual consequences. In those times, you need a partner who supports and helps not one who blames and sulks. Get him a t-shirt with "I am not perfect" in mirror writing so he can spend a couple of minutes reminding himself when he brushes his teeth.

Original poster

Ellieboolou27 · 03/08/2016 08:53

Also I never used an excuse as children etc when he found keys in door, I just said I was so sorry but he stormed off shouting, I just sometimes feel totally frazzled with being a sahp and included it in original post for context, not an excuse

OP posts:

M0nstersinthecl0set · 03/08/2016 08:54

My EX used to get stroppy over these low level things and considers it unacceptable behaviour to not instantly know where all things are (keys; wallet; phone). He basically considers someone as disgusting as an actual thief. Yet he considers living in a mess (who could find anything?!) Perfectly ok. People have weird priorities.
I don't get a lot of people's obsession with locking doors. We don't lock ours at night, we're far more concerned about not being able to get out in a house fire (more common amongst our friends).

M0nstersinthecl0set · 03/08/2016 08:55

Plus the driving off dangerously makes him sound a massive prat.

Cheerybigbottom · 03/08/2016 08:55

Honestly I'd be as furious as he was if husband had done that, absolutely anything could have happened house burgled, car nicked, kids are in the house for gods sake!

I wouldn't drag it over days but I would definitely be seriously fucked off if it was a repeat occurrence. I'd expect the same treatment given to me too, and it's more likely to happen from me.

fuckyoucanceryoucuntingknob · 03/08/2016 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TattyCat · 03/08/2016 08:56

If he's responsible for locking up at night then he's not doing a very good job of it, is he?!

ApocalypseSlough · 03/08/2016 08:58

Meh
I returned from holiday to find a front window open and I had to arrange for key cutting and jeyleft with neighbours

BillSykesDog · 03/08/2016 08:59

Everyone makes mistakes, but when it happens the third, fourth, fifth time it's not a mistake. It's carelessness.

ApocalypseSlough · 03/08/2016 09:00

...key left with neighbours so he could 'secure' the house and I could get back in.
Effups like that are no biggie so long as nothing happens- just something to add to the check list for next time.
Your DH is being a massive prat.

BitOutOfPractice · 03/08/2016 09:02

Ye it's an annoying mistake you made but his reaction is totally OTT and in my opinion, abusive. Sulking (aka stonewalling) is a form of abuse. The swearing at you and throwing things is also abusive. He doesn't sound great to me as a partner tbh

chalky3 · 03/08/2016 09:04

He's being unfair to drag it on and on, BUT you should be much more careful. There's no excuse not to protect your property. We had our house broken into and cars stolen last year after leaving our keys visible. I'm completely anal about keeping keys safe now. I'd be furious if DH did what you did then used being tired and frazzled as an excuse!

MammouthTask · 03/08/2016 09:04

I'm sorry but he has some anger management issues for stroming into the living room, screaming and then slaming front door and driving off screeching racer boy style down the road. I say that as someone whose DH is on the spectrum too.

It might not be great but then the only way to soklve that sort of issue is to look at WHY it happened.
A key ring is great 'plaster' to put over it but I suspect the issue is that you are exhausted atm. So maybe the right way would be to see what you can do about that rather that shouting/screaming and then sulking for days.

Especially because I'm sure there sre plenty of thinsg he does that are 'just as bad' if that makes sense. Would he appreciate that you did the same to him on these issues (i will guess not)?

RobinsAreTerritorialFuckers · 03/08/2016 09:06

ellie, something still 'could' happen. It's not likely, but it is possible someone has already copied your key, and is just waiting for a good time to use their copy.

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