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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be utterly overjoyed that my DD has stopped breastfeeding?

69 replies

PinkyofPie · 02/08/2016 22:52

My DD has just turned 3 and has been EBF since birth. I didn't plan on feeding this long but she had other ideas. I've tried gentle weaning for over a year but it was a nightmare.

I'm pregnant again and hoped when I'd dry up she'd stop feeding.

Today marks the 2 week point since our last feed. I think it's over. And I'm absolutely delighted. After 3 years I'd had enough!

Thing is I'm part of a lot of pro-BF groups, especially on FB, who are all about full-term feeding, 'crunchy' lactivisty types who would probably arrive at my home at night with fire torches and pitchforks for not putting it down to a 'nursing strike'.

Many people on these groups are in bits because their 5yo isn't as keen on BF any more, and I wanna throw a big party! I loved BF in the early days but when you have a toddler who at 2.5 still wakes 6 times a night for it it gets a bit tedious. No way am I doing it for as long with DC2.

Did anyone else feel over the moon when their DC, whatever age, stopped BFing? Or should I be a weepy mess right now

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 02/08/2016 23:12

Six times a night?? At 2.5??

Yep. It was hell.

The last 2 weeks she's slept through every night and also managed to get her out of nappies on a night time (she's been nappy-free in the day for a year but struggled at night due to frequency of feeding).

I keep waking up at random times feeling like I need to do something and then remember I CAN GO BACK TO SLEEP WITHOUT SOMEONE ON MY NIPPLE. I know it sounds weird but honestly I don't think I've ever felt so relieved

OP posts:

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 02/08/2016 23:15

Oh yes and I treated myself to some lovely new bras with fully intact straps and underwire

YY I dug out a push-up bra to wear today and went downstairs said to DH "can we just take a moment to appreciate how awesome my tits look"

OP posts:

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/08/2016 23:16

I have a 3 year old who still likes to breastfeed. We are down to twice a day so at least it is not night feeds any more.

I would rather like to give up. He is very determined not to give up. "Having milky" is generally his favourite part of any day when you ask.

Getting pregnant again (our family is complete) would be a bit extreme right?!?

Batteriesallgone · 02/08/2016 23:16

I'm a member of a few groups like that on fb and every so often there's a 'don't really enjoy feeding but doing it anyway' thread which gets lots of comments. So I think it's perfectly normal to look forward to stopping whilst also not wanting to force it. I don't particularly like bf but it was still important to me/us for a variety of reasons.

Well done on doing it for so long and getting past 2yr!

PatMustardsBigTool · 02/08/2016 23:23

Haha pinky I think we're leading identical lives similar situation in my house with the new bras ha

sglodion · 02/08/2016 23:27

I'm a member of a few breastfeeding groups and was torn to shreds when I asked for help with stopping my 18 month old from feeding. I'd completely had enough and every time I sat down she would paw at my breasts.
Managed to gradually cut down and then stopped completely at 22 months. The relief was immense. She still remembers though, she is 2 years 2 months now. if she sees me topless she says "I eat your boobies?", she's quite content at being told no though.

NotJimbo · 02/08/2016 23:29

My DD with cows milk protein allergy BF until she was 3.5 years, I was soooo fed up with the situation but we'd tried all alternatives and nothing was working, she's a determined sort and I was beginning to despair of it when she suddenly decided to stop, I was pregnant with DC2 then so think that might have had an effect on supply/taste or whatever. Now that she's much older she still remembers BF and mentions it occasionally.

My younger DS self weaned about the time of his 1st birthday, which was a surprise to me as I'd grown used to the idea of extended feeding, he stopped one day and refused any more. I pumped for weeks to maintain supply in case he changed his mind, at that stage I wasn't sure if he had allergies and the BF had been a real lifeline for my DD - but he was equally determined he was finished.

DailyFaily · 02/08/2016 23:29

I 'only' BF until around 14 months when DS somewhat weaned himself off (largely due to me going back to work full time, plus he just didn't seem arsed about it anymore). I felt not a jot of sadness when he stopped, I don't remember his last feed, there was just a day when I realised he hadn't asked for it for a while; BF served its purpose as far as I was concerned and it was time to move on. I was very happy to be able to wear normal bras again and to be free from having to be available for bedtime, good times - enjoy your temporary freedom!

SirVixofVixHall · 02/08/2016 23:34

So waking six times a night at 2 and a half wasn't normal? *runs off wailing "where did I go wrooooooong? "

PatMustardsBigTool · 02/08/2016 23:35

I've witnessed it in my groups sglodion (maybe same groups) and it's just horrible. Making out you're not committed enough or not got your child's best interests at heart or some shit. So sanctimonious. I fed for as long as I did for many reasons, but the main one being that bf was the magic sleep maker and I was too knackered/lazy to stop, despite knowing it may only have taken a short time to wean I just couldn't face it. So I didn't.

Notfastjustfurious · 02/08/2016 23:46

My dd is 2.1 and I cannot wait for her to stop and I'm really really distressed at the thought it might be another year. Dh was snipped to pregnancy isn't an option there must be another way!! And she also does the frequent wakings that can only be resolved with a boob. I'm so over it OVER IT

Original poster

PinkyofPie · 02/08/2016 23:52

YY about the groups, when I announced my pregnancy on one someone said luau you will get to tandem feed"

I at one point considered asking my GP for tablets to dry my milk up, but I never had the balls to go!

OP posts:

AnotherPrickInTheWall · 03/08/2016 00:06

My milk ran out when DD was nearly two. It had petered out to once a day but I still missed it. My DF fed her DD until she was nearly 6, she is not at all "right on" or the NTC type at all. She found it a bloody chore with a kid of school age plus her job and didn't share this fact with many people.

Mycraneisfixed · 03/08/2016 00:08

I was glad to be shot of bf when DD3 was 9 months. Quite long enough!

jpclarke · 03/08/2016 05:17

Thanks for the reply pinky, just been up for the second time tonight but this time I can't go back to sleep. If I have to tandem feed I will do it, as ds is not ready to give up but I am hoping it will happen naturally. I definitely couldn't just go cold turkey he would be so upset and that's just not my parenting style.

blueturtle6 · 03/08/2016 05:51

Hi pinky, I know what you mean re the bf groups, I was seen with a formula bottle out when dd was 8 months and told I should try harder. Next time I saw other members of bf group out they all knew, obv been talked about. It's a shame as most of the group where very nice and I found it reassuring she was feeding ok.

lozzylizzy · 03/08/2016 05:59

I thought the point in continuing to feed is that it would end when the child wants to, like a natural progression. Yes it is ok to feel sad about it but it is ok to think yes I did good because I breastfed for as long as was intended (child stopped on own accord). I would say it is a milestone like walking etc so be happy!

HalleLouja · 03/08/2016 06:12

I still remember how happy I was when DD aka the milk monster was weaned just before she turned two. She is now 5.

My son was happy to stop at 14 months and planned to do similar second time.....

froubylou · 03/08/2016 06:17

I joined all those bf fb groups. I left them after an argument with about 4 people about whether a mum who was trying to ebf her 4 month old should continue to do so against the advice of a paediatric registrar as her baby was classed as suffering from malnutrition.

Apparently her right to feed her baby trumped the right of the baby not to thrive. I did call them all a bunch of cunts too.

Booboostwo · 03/08/2016 06:31

DD stopped at 3yo as my milk dried up during pregnancy (dry sucking was my line in the sand) and I felt quite conflicted about it because on the one hand it was a relief and very practical with the baby coming, but on the other hand DD didn't chose to stop, there was no milk. Irrational, I know, but my hormones were all over the place. DD didn't sleep through till 2yo when I stopped bf at night either - very tiring!

DS is still bf at 2yo but I stopped the night feeds at 18mo. I am more fed up this time, partly because he is very physical and does a lot of pushing, kicking etc when feeding. I might try to make it to 3yo so I don't feel guilty but it depends on how much he annoys me!

I left the bf groups because of the weepy, judgey posts on how awful it was that friends/relatives chose to ff.

onedogatoddlerandababy · 03/08/2016 06:55

Not unreasonable at all op!
My dd1 stopped at 20 mths (I was 6 mths pg and one nap time, she just pulled off, looked at my breast in disgust, pulled my top down, patted me and that was that)
DD2 fed at night until 17 mths when I'd had enough and feeding no longer put her back to sleep but she still fed at bedtime before dp did her stories. Finally when we went away for a weekend she happily wandered off to her room for stories at bedtime and the agonised wail for milk & me never came. She never asked again after that. She was 25.5 mths. I was ecstatic

And yes, real bras. With wires. That fit. Ah, the joy.

Zxzx · 03/08/2016 07:18

I loved BF in the early days but when you have a toddler who at 2.5 still wakes 6 times a night for it it gets a bit tedious.

That sounds beyond awful. You and your child must have been knackered.

I stopped feeding my 4 DC on around their first birthday (which was the current minimum recommendation). I was overjoyed. I stopped feeding them cold turkey - they cried a little bit for a couple of nights then that was it. They obviously didn't think it was that important or that vital for comfort . Their feeding and sleeping improved immediately.

Everyone should do what they want but I wouldn't do EBF if you paid me.

cuntinghomicidalcardigan · 03/08/2016 07:25

My dd woke up on her first birthday and never asked to bf again. It was awesome, I planned to wean her off around then anyway so we were both happy.

Planned to do the same with ds... however at 21mo he still gets hysterically upset if told no. Luckily he only wants to feed at nap and in the night. Unluckily it can be up to 4 times a night. Starting to try gentle sleep training to get him to go to sleep without now... I'm so ready to have my body back!

DixieNormas · 03/08/2016 07:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/08/2016 08:20

Really you wonder who the women in these bf groups are doing g it for, if they are devastated that their school age child is stopping, and growing g up and making a natural progression. Says it all really. Why be a part of such groups, they don't sound very helpful or supportive.

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