To have expect a bit of sensitivity from DH?

[user1468847082]

My uncle recently passed away after the same illness that I lost my Mum to, DH was with me throughout both illnesses, and knows how upset I have been. Funeral will be on Weds and DH has the day off work. I assumed that he would spend the day with DD, rather than have her at the childminder but he still wanted to send her for some time - fair enough, we all need some time to catch up on things / do personal stuff.

HOWEVER, even though I am travelling 2.5 hours to the funeral, and therefore needing to leave at 7am in order to get there, he's still insisting that I get up and take DD to the childminder for that time in the morning before I go so he doesn't have to. I would normally be doing that on a working day but I am going to a fucking funeral! So sorry that my family member dying might cut into your "you" time. I am really angry about it.

AIBU to think it might have been nicer for firstly DD to be able to stay in bed a little longer when there's no need for the early morning, but also to take away just a tiny bit of stress on what will be a very hard day for me??

No, just brought up in your usual British household, no cultural influences of that nature. I think I'm trying to find something to explain rather than excuse the behaviour.

As for DD ending up with someone like him, I have made it clear to him several times that she will grow up learning how a man should treat her by her experience of how he treats me, and I will definitely be hammering this home when we speak. I will not allow her to see me being treated badly, she's too young to understand at the moment, which is why I know things need to change.

OK. I will leave it now. I don't want you to think I am having a go at you

Bottom line though, love, if you keep letting him off the hook his behaviour will just get worse.

PersianCatLady I would have thought the prices went down as the level of twattery increased, on account of you getting so much more pleasure from putting them straight
Although I would obviously take pleasure in my work, I would have a captive market and therefore I think that £30 per hour for a complete arsehole is very reasonable.

Obviously if you need the fourth level of service - permanent complete arsehole removal, that can be arranged for a fee of £50 plus £10 extra for every stone of bodyweight but in order to save women from arseholes my rates are always negotiable depending on your circumstances.

I have made it clear to him several times that she will grow up learning how a man should treat her by her experience of how he treats me, and I will definitely be hammering this home when we speak.

The problem with this is that you shouldn't have to make someone be nice to you.

If someone you care about is going to the funeral of a close relative, you see if you can do anything to make life easier.

But far from trying to help you out, he expected you to facilitate his day off.

Where is the love?

When DH's uncle sadly died a few years ago, I bent over backwards to make sure he could get to that funeral untroubled by worries about his children. It involved a long journey and he was unsure about going, but I just made sure there were no impediments on our end.

That's what you do when your spouse loses a close relative. You support.

My ex was a bit like your OH he honestly believed he was a great bloke, one of the good guys but would do stuff like this and be totally oblivious to what a twat he was behaving like. When the chips were down his needs always came first and it didn't occur to him he was being selfish or unreasonable. It's difficult because you start to wonder if you are the unreasonable one when your very reasonable expectations are met with such bewilderment at your unreasonableness (like looking after your LO and forgoing the gym because you need to go to the funeral).

I have no advice on how to "cure" him, maturity helps a bit but it does get wearing to have to push for what should be ordinary levels of working as a team. I think you are right not to turn it into a huge issue when you are fragile. In all honesty I'd have left him to take LO to the CM and have privately warned the CM she might need breakfast but not told him that.

I hope today goes as well as these days can today for you.

I'm now with a man who is the complete opposite but it has taken time to realise that I can lean on him and he actually wants to but my needs above his because I'd got so used to coming last or having to fight to not be . Don't let this become your normal or your child will end up coming second to his needs too.

OP here, just managed to work out how to change my username lol.

I didn't take DD. I got up, have her breakfast and went. DH accepted it and apologised for asking me to take her. Think he'd been mulling things over because of how I'd been with him since he asked.

Seriously going to have to sit down with him still, conversation needs to happen.

Funeral was hard, but the perfect send off for someone so special.

After the funeral is over and u are feeling stronger u need to make changes in your life /marriage imo. .U deserve to be in a partnership And wipe the 'welcome' sign off your forehead. I am sure u wouldn't be happy if your dd was in a marriage like yours. She needs u to be a stronger role model. And he needs kicking into touch (or the balls) Sorry for your loss tho. . I hope your sis is a better support to u.

Glad to hear OP, but you do need to have that conversation, please don't let it slide now. Hope everything went smoothly