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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if this is fair?

78 replies

SunkenDrunky · 01/08/2016 13:25

Moving into a flatshare, two rooms on offer and up to me and flatmate to sort prices. One v big with balcony and nice room; one with en-suite bit equivalent floor space (so smaller bedroom area but still big). Flatmate wants to pay same price for en-suite and I don't really want en-suite so have agreed...

Is this fair?

OP posts:
Original poster
SunkenDrunky · 01/08/2016 15:45

No no there has been no suggestion of partner paying more. They will be staying over approx 3 nights a week and of course sharing en-suite.

OP posts:
Roussette · 01/08/2016 15:55

Now's your chance to say that it isn't fair... for two reasons.

a) having an ensuite is worth a lot more and rent should be adjusted accordingly
b) having a partner staying 3 nights of the week. He will have to contribute surely?

DD was in flat with someone whose partner stayed 4 nights of the week. Nightmare.

Don't be one of those posters who comes back in a years time saying how awful and unfair it all is. You have a golden opportunity now

candybar007 · 01/08/2016 15:58

If the en-suite has a macerator toilet fitted then at least it`s nothing to do with you if it breaks.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/08/2016 16:00

SEEMS FAIR TO ME

Scrumptiousbears · 01/08/2016 16:01

If they suddenly wanted the balcony room would you be happy to pay more for the en suit?

Roussette · 01/08/2016 16:02

Fair?

An extra tenant for nearly half the week and a room with an ensuite paying the same as one without?

I don;t think so!

RosieSW · 01/08/2016 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

YelloDraw · 01/08/2016 16:16

She wants her partner to stay 3 nights a week?

Defo should be a financial contribution for that, and also are you sure you're all happy about that?

It can change the dynamic and be a bit shit having a couple de facto living there.

Original poster
SunkenDrunky · 01/08/2016 16:40

If I'm completely honest I feel like combo of en-suite plus having DP over 3+ nights a week should mean that yes, flatmate should pay more! I am paying equivalent rent and in effect feel like I'm subsiding them both?

OP posts:
Original poster
SunkenDrunky · 01/08/2016 16:42

I don't really know how you can expect to have your DP to stay for free and have a nice room. It's a bit cheeky.

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 01/08/2016 16:46

room, fair

partners for 45% of the time, not fair. you need to bring it up now, is he staying because they are in luuurve or is it his crash base in your city?

Its a tricky one, but its worth stating that this issue makes you uncomfortable

RosieSW · 01/08/2016 16:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roussette · 01/08/2016 16:52

An en suite is worth its weight in gold IMHO.

When my DD had this problem with a flatmate's bf staying 4 nights of the week, he worked from home one of those days so had heating on which increased the bills. Every now and again he bought some loo rolls to say he was contributing - big deal! He cooked, he showered, he watched telly, he used electricity, a pack of loo rolls every month or two didn't really cut it!

LL's cram in extra bedrooms as it is (using a dining room for instance as a bedroom), so I'm sure your flat is only designed for 4 or less. Adding another one into the mix for nearly half the week is just unfair.

MargaretCavendish · 01/08/2016 17:02

If I'm completely honest I feel like combo of en-suite plus having DP over 3+ nights a week should mean that yes, flatmate should pay more!

That's fine and reasonable, but I don't think the way you're approaching it is. You've changed your mind about what actually bothers you across the course of the thread. She offered to swap rooms with you, so she's responded reasonably with the only issue you've actually approached her about - and now you've suddenly switched focus to the boyfriend! I think there's a real danger that you're going to get wound up by this thread and (from her point of view) suddenly go nuclear about an issue that's never previously been flagged as a problem.

blindsider · 01/08/2016 17:10

My take on it is the ensuite should pay more but the time to think that was then not now, you have made the deal. Once you have purchased stop shopping!!

Original poster
SunkenDrunky · 01/08/2016 17:11

No no no I won't. I'm just thinking about the issue in my head. Ok, room - fine. I will let go of that. But dp? Flatmate can't stay at dp's and has said he will be at ours for "about" three nights a week. I am cool with it if it's literally just sleeping there and he is nice/contributes. But I don't want three to turn into 7 😔 Been there, done that!!

OP posts:
LurkingHusband · 01/08/2016 17:13

Just a thought (apologies if it's been answered)

Is each tenant responsible for their own rent - with their own tenancy contract ?

Of have you found a place where there's one contract and you all pay into the rent ?

If the latter, any question about en-suite/balcony would be a hypothetical, because only a lunatic would get involved in the first place.

Roussette · 01/08/2016 17:21

"about" 3 nights could mean 5! Shock

RosieSW · 01/08/2016 17:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StarlingMurmuration · 01/08/2016 18:02

What do the other sharers think about her partner staying over? Before we lived together, DP would often spend three or even four nights at my place but even more often I spent three or four nights at his place so it evened out (and he didn't have a flat mate so no-one to piss off there.

Roussette · 01/08/2016 18:11

I think it's unfair and always causes resentment eventually.

It does depend if this is a friend or a flatmate or what... is this someone you will socialise with, were friends with before this flat came up or what...

I remember sharing a flat a long time ago and my best friend had her boyfriend to stay every bloody night, it really got on my nerves. It didn't help that he was a controlling arse and I disliked him!

MargaretCavendish · 01/08/2016 18:29

I have lots of sympathy to the people expressing their dislike of partners staying over, but I think it's always likely to happen in practice. Most couples want to spend more than one or two nights together. In my many years in shared houses it often felt like a constant cycle of Person A having a boyfriend/girlfriend staying 'too much', Person B objecting, argument ensuing, but then Person B getting a partner and suddenly forgetting that others might not like them staying all the time... I was happiest in the house where we had a pretty relaxed, revolving door policy on house guests, including partners, but I recognise that this is a personality thing; it didn't bother me, but for some people having extra people around really is upsetting and that's fair enough.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/08/2016 18:33

Oh dear, partner staying 'about' 3 nights per week? This is not going to go well, it never does.

Are all the other roommates ok with this? I wouldn't be. I'm assuming the '3 nights' are probably over the weekend. Ugh. I'd hate to have my leisure time (i.e. laying around like a slob) disrupted by having someone's bf (or gf) around.

Wonder why she can't stay at his. Possibly because his roommates won't allow it or he lives with his parents? In either case, it's highly likely that this 3 nights will turn in to 4, then 5, then 6…you get my drift.

Roussette · 01/08/2016 18:38

I think 1 or 2 nights a week is OK but more than that is a bit much TBH. It affects everyone and as a pp said, the dynamic of the flat totally changes.

Where my DD lived with the guy who stayed 4 nights of the week, there was very little living space apart from bedrooms (i.e. tiny kitchen and a really small 2 seater sofa squashed in. No lounge) The guy staying was a huge bloke... 6ft 2 man mountain, he took up the room and it just meant the other 3 flatmates had their personal space a bit invaded. My DD likes him and still sees the couple but it was difficult and it was lucky the friendship survived.

Is it a spacious flat in general OP?

Masketti · 01/08/2016 18:54

If it's a Juliet balcony it's just a big window! Ensuite should pay more then. And you do need to address the 3 nights a week partner. The joint evening meal cooking and eating plus bathroom use every morning will start to get on your nerves very quickly regardless of whether it's a shared bathroom or not. If I was you I would ask for the ensuite and offer to pay more because then the DP using the shared bathroom will piss the other 2 sharers off and you will have a united front.

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