Concealing (early) pregnancy to friends, AIBU?

[Sassypants82]

Found out I'm pregnant last week, DH & I are absolutely thrilled etc. I'm currently approx 5 weeks & only one of my Sils knows (drunken excited big mouthed DH... ).

Planned to say nothing until 12 weeks or so. Have a few weddings between now & then, but should manage fine 'hiding' it at them. I also have a night away with friends in 3 weeks which is likley to be very boozy. Its an annual overnight shopping trip we take & involved wine with lunch & continues really until the early hours with plenty of food & drinks all night. I usually enthusiastically take part, but obviously can't drink this year. I was initially going to cancel, using some last minute excuse but for a number of reasons I feel that I need to still go.. They're likley to immediately guess why, if I'm not drinking and I don't want to feel pressure to 'fess up at this early stage. The old' I'm on antibiotics' won't wash... Guess I'm looking for advice on how to get through it fooling them, or a very good excuse for not drinking that might be plausible. Any tips would be welcome!

Glitterspy, they are my closest friends & I probably would tell them if the worst happened, but I'd like to have that choice if and when it came to it, iyswim. And yes, it's DC2, so may be obvious earlier. I'm getting an early scan in 5 weeks. Will be happy to tell all once that's OK, night away is in 3 weeks. I could of course just cancel, but feel it's important to attend & spend time with them, (especially given It'll likley that nights away will be few & far between for a while).

I'm pretty much teetotal and I got through a hen weekend recently by using my tried and trusted trick of accepting the first alcoholic drink thrust into my hand and holding onto it for the rest of the event. That way you just wave it and say "I'm good thanks" when someone offers the next drink. Nobody is counting. I sometimes vary it by putting drink down, "losing" it and getting a fresh one. You'd be surprised how convincing this is.

Thanks for all your suggestions! Some great ones in there... The arriving hungover is a great idea!! That could indeed be a goer.

I went to a wedding and a hen do (separate people) before I told anyone apart from family I was pregnant. Didn't try and hide it or do anything complicated. Im pretty sure everyone guessed but they didn't say anything. Same when friends have been pregnant but not announced - you notice, think they prob are but don't question them because that would be really rude.

If most of the drinking is taking place on a house, then take charge of pouring the drinks. Nobody will notice what you put in your own.

Or buy lots of rounds if you're out.

I would just tell them. I did the whole 'not telling' thing with my first pregnancy. I then had a mc at 10 weeks and ended up telling anyone and everyone what had happened. Second pregnancy (which worked out just fine), I just told people as and when I needed to. I really don't think you need to keep it quiet from good friends. You will have a much better weekend if you are not having to keep secrets and remember what your 'story' is.

Dry August is a great idea but alternatively nursing one or two drinks over the evening won't hurt

Say you had a stomach bug the week before and you just cannot stomach alcohol yet (I used that excuse)

I'd cancel and not go if you don't want people knowing xx

I found out I was pregnant right before a friend's house party and two big nights out. I enlisted one friend to help me, I deliberately chose the friend who is always getting the drinks in and I swore her to secrecy. At the house party she and I took it in turns to pour each others drinks from the bottles set up in the kitchen. She was making me half glasses of mixer without the spirits. She even brought me vodka 'shots' - mine was water - and adequate a big deal of "get that down you!" and "bloody hell we've had nearly a full bottle!" She did the same on the nights out, we took it in turns to buy rounds where she'd get me a mixer with no booze or a glass of alcohol free wine and again bought me some shots (they were peppermint cordial that time) while commenting about how much of a hangover I was going to have and if anyone bought me an alcoholic drink she would discretely take it off my hands.

Another way to go is a half-truth. It's easier to get a half-truth believed than a lie.

"I can't drink because we are TTC and we've not been getting anywhere but I've read this really interesting (yoga/holistic medicine/physiology of conception/whatever you can enthuse about with a straight face) book which has a practical regimen for maximising our chances and I am not allowing myself to drink at all in the 2 weeks between ovulation date and when AF is due. Of course I make up for it in the other 2 weeks of each month!!"

I avoided/ cancelled/ drove to things in my early days because I knew all my friends would know eventually (all being well of course) and it felt too much like lying or being deceitful which I'd be caught out about! Although my view at that point was slightly clouded by a friend/ colleague who'd been out drinking with us a couple of times and then announced and when we were surprised she said she'd been going to the loo and pouring it down the sink, she was laughing! We're in bloody London and were buying rounds with large glasses of wine and sometimes champagne and she was off pouring it away! She'd had a few g&t's on her rounds which were just t's. Fine, but don't let me spend a fiver for it to go down the sink .
It was fairly impossible in our group to go and not drink a lot though (we were going out drinking, not for lunch or dinner) so I declined/ couldn't go etc.

I meant within that group I didn't go. With other friends/ family members I drove or had to be up early etc.

I went to a wedding at around 7/8 weeks pregnant and nobody guessed because I asked for soft drinks but in the same short glasses as if it had booze in it and I actually drank a beer, nobody expects you to be drinking and pregnant so once they have seen you drink one definitely alcoholic drink then they think you are drinking all night. I know that isn't really the right thing to do but I couldn't get too worked up about 1 beer. A friend of mine went to a byob party and she had tipped out her 'echo falls' before coming and topped the bottle up with schloer, I didn't guess that one at all and when she announced her pregnancy I thought no way she drank a bottle of wine a couple of weeks ago!

I'd tell them the truth
li can't drink , I'm a teeny bit pregnant
Why the lying ? They're your friends

I don't understand the obsession with keeping it a secret esp from close friends.. With my first pregnancy I told several close friends early on, then we had a missed miscarriage which was shit but it was nice actually that they knew and that I could talk about it if I wanted to without having to explain the reason for my sadness if I didn't want to.
Rest of my pregnancies I told the world pretty much straight away and was showing (bloating) straight away anyway!! Whenever I talk about the miscarriage I always find there are so many people who Have been through similar, I never understand why we keep it so secret..

peppa different strokes. I just don't want to have to explain that I've had an early miscarriage to people. Plus when you tell people you're pregnant they want to TALK about it (which is lovely of them) and I can't get attached to pregnancies that early on as there is such a high chance of something going wrong. Would rather wait until my news is a bit more certain.

Tell them you're ttc and thus not drinking in the two week wait.

Fair enough of course..it's not that I don't agree with you keeping it secret if you want to more that I just don't get it as I'm a huge blabber mouth

Can you sneakily drink the non alcoholic kopperberg cider at the house party? Once out the bottle it looks and tastes the same as the alcoholic stuff. The bottles look fairly similar to the untrained eye.

I'm in the same boat but as I have an underlying medical condition I'm saying that I'm adjusting my meds at the moment and having to stay tee total until it's sorted. It's a lie but it works.

I went to a party just after we found out and couldn't not drink as everyone would have guessed and asked. So I took alcohol free wine in a previously used normal bottle and accepted the lethal cocktail put in my hand on arrival, tasted it and commented on its potency then nursed it for a while (and slowly tipping it away) then drank my 'wine'. Worked a treat and no one guessed.
I'd suggest at lunch accept one glass of wine with the excuse of your hungover and drink lots of table water. Then in the evening again seen to be drinking alcohol and then swap to soft drinks / AF wine

I've been newly pregnant at two really good friends' weddings. I didn't say anything so as not to steal anyone's thunder on their big day. Both times other close girlfriends told me later they had guessed I was either pregnant or trying, and that was fine, they kept it quiet. No one else noticed though.

Don't cancel at the last minute. That's a mean thing to do.When your friends realise you were pg they will feel really annoyed you deliberately let them down. Either cancel now or go and pretend.

Agree with previous posters that so long as you seem to be drinking, people won't notice that you're not - particularly as they get drunker. Just hold onto drinks until you can swap them for an alternative. Top up other people's drinks when you're getting yours and no-one will think to question.