Does anyone else have parents who won't apologise?

[ginplease83]

Does anyone else have parents that won't apologise?

My Mum has completely ignored what I've asked her and told a particurily awful aunt of mine (who is known for stirring and basically giving you the spanish inquisition until she's got knowledge of whats going on in your life so she can tell everyone else) that Im being induced 3 weeks early. i didn't really want anyone to know, the reasons why Im having it done is because I've got health problems both mental and physical. I don't want them being gossiped about and i don't want people trying to text me or her making snide comments about me not having a natural birth. My Mum also told my aunt my name choices and i got a barrage of texts of name suggestions.

My Mum said in conversation that she'd told her and that my aunt had asked why, she said 'oh she's anxious', I of course said i was upset shed told her as i had gotten texts from the same aunty asking if i had news for her. Mum then said 'well nobody knows when the baby is going to come'. I said 'Yes we do, its the date', she replied 'well it might come before, aunt doesn't know does she'. i said 'Mum did you tell her or not because she's been texting me asking' (aunt did the same when mum told her gender text me 'do you know what you are having' (when she already knew as mum told her). Mum then hung up on me. I tried to ring back but she wouldn't pick up.

AIBU to think it would be nice to get an apology as this has made me more anxious (I am not going to get an apology, neither her or my dad apologise to us about anything even if they are blatantly in the wrong) and does anyone else have parents that won't apologise regardless???

The added complexity loralei76 is that my DM's condition has cognitive and emotional symptoms, including irrationality and emotional outbursts. If her treatment of me was related to her rather narc personality characteristics, I feel fully vindicated in remaining NC. My struggle then is not knowing if her behaviour is related to her neurological condition, over which she has not control. Of course, that still doesn't prevent her from reflecting and apologising either way.

The closest my mum has ever got to an apology is

"I'm sorry you feel that way"

Stop telling her anything .... simple!

My mum's talks to my aunt, my aunt talks to my mum, they both gossip to their children about the others children, so basically everyone knows something. The latest in listening to these two discuss another aunts daughter is that she was a cracking head whore and a single mother. Actually she smoked a joint and left her mad ex and was caught sex texting another guy. She is great actually x

Man, I'm sure that made the op feel much better.

Haha. I'm going to reduce the confiding in her that's for sure. I still haven't rung her and of course being to feel guilty that she's on her own even though it's only been 3 days. I've actually slept the best last night than I have in weeks, maybe because I haven't driven the 30 mile round trip to see her, spent the day going through dads paperwork whilst she texts her friends and arranges coffee dates with all and sundry. Ouch- god I sound like a right bitch. She always looked after DD whilst I was working on a Thursday but I had to take emergency leave as she had double booked with a coffee with her friend (DD in nursery now on Thursdays) so I was initially quite annoyed by that but realise her life has just been turned upside down.
I'm so glad of the sleep!! I'm half tempted to email her 'are you ready to apologise yet?'. This could go on for weeks though.

Mydiet- they sound the same. Is your mum my aunty? Lol. I know my cousin 'doesn't cope very well with having 2 kids', aka her mother does her ironing for her. I just take it with a pinch of salt. I get snide comments all the time from aunty about how I've got 'too much money' so goodness knows what my Mum has been saying. For goodness sakes, but I guess what do women in their 50s gossip about?

In answer to my question about how she was when my dad died is that it was all about her. I get that though, she was chief mourner. She did everything 100 mph, the funeral was all booked before he came back from the coroner and the funeral was the day after meaning we all had 24 hours to make sure he was dressed, see him, get ready etc. It for some reason, had to be done on a particular week- (I later found out dads friend was going on holiday the weekend after). I have never been so bloody stressed. I did the eulogy and was practicing it in the early hours once it was confirmed dads body was back and it was going ahead, we were all so rushed. It was the same with the internment of his ashes, she wanted it 'done' so we had 48 hours to sort out shit out. Everything was kind of half organised (eg: we had nothing to put on his coffin as shed spent all her time on the phone to busybodies who wanted to know why he died whilst we were sitting there going 'oh my god what the hell do we do?') I can't judge her though, I've never (touch wood) lost a husband so I can't really guess how she was feeling and perhaps she was just doing her best?

I've emailed her- acknowledging she won't apologise but asking for who knows and what they know. My husband works very closely with people my aunty knows so wants to know what to tell work as they don't know about the induction date yet. Lets see what we get back!

My mum will never apologise. Then ever so slightly alters what actually happened so that I look unhinged.

Just yesterday I was shouting WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU WERE IN THE WRONG?!!!!

We're currently not talking.

OP you don't sound like a bitch at all! And it's 30 miles away. How long has that drive been taking?

Hunter, these people who can't admit in the wrong...gah....

My mum doesn't like to if she's forced she will say something along the lines of for godness sake im sorry are u happy now which annoys me even more, my sister and neice are also picking up this habit. My dad will point blank lie rather than admit he was in the wrong and apologise if that doesn't work he just leaves and doesn't speak to the person for weeks.

I've ended up the opposite and find myself apologising even when I wasn't in the wrong.

Kiki, I feel for you. what a shame others are picking it up.

My dad will also twist things later. He's been amazed that I go months without speaking to him unless i have to. I'm unclear what he thinks I'm missing!

My mum twists stuff too. I'll be my fault that I'm anxious and need the induction next or she'll blame that she's grieving or not thinking straight next. I get that, but I'm grieving too.

I'm now anxious I'm going to be getting texts during labour now. The same aunt texted me to ask my due date earlier.

The trip takes 25 mins each way. It's a ball ache but I wanted to save the money for mum of paying a solicitor to do probate.

No damn response. You'd think she'd tell me what she'd said about me. She can't value my support or presence in her life very much.

Oh gin sorry
Can you block the number for the duration?

I could but there will be complaints I'm not responding ☹️ And I rely on her for updates on how my 93 year old grandmother (dads mum) is.

My mum hassled and criticised me so much about DC1's birth (by phone, she wasn't actually there thank feck) that for DC2 I lied to her about my elective CS date and made it later than it was. I then told her I'd had the baby early, but only once I'd had a few days of peace!

My DM is like this. She turned myself and my siblings against each other and bitches all the time. We lost my dad a few years ago and she's got worse as he used to take her sulks. I find that treating her like I'd treat my children when they were younger works.

I HATE sulks, refusals to admit when they're wrong etc...

I think my dad used to sulk too ☹️ I'm not having it anymore though. I feel incredibly guilty though as she's getting used to living on her own after 35 years old marriage.