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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset by neighbours control crying

72 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 30/07/2016 22:14

Next door neighbour had a little boy that has just turned one. For the last year she has spent nearly all her time with him attached to her in a sling or carrying him around. Had all nap times in sling or pushchair which I can totally relate to as I have had 2 poor sleepers although they did have to amuse themselves in highchair or playpen some of the time. She told me recently that she was fed up of cuddling him to sleep. Again I know what it is like as I still have a 6 year old that likes me to sit on the end of her bed! The last few weeks I can hear my neighbours baby crying for a very long tine. I wouldn't say anything to her but I find it really upsetting that he cries for such a long tine. It sounds like a very frightened cry and tonight it has gone on for an hour. AIBU to find this upsetting.

OP posts:

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 09:59

Other children

Or jobs

Ffs phone

LaurieMarlow · 31/07/2016 10:08

Actually, I think the normalising of long term sleep deprivation, which I see a lot of on this site, is worrying.

There's a certain type of post that's all 'I didn't get an unbroken nights sleep in 3 years, but heyho, price you pay, would do it again in a heartbeat' which normalises long term deprivation without thinking of the significant implications of this kind of behaviour on mental health.

I accept that some kids just don't sleep no matter what you do, what I'm objecting to are parents who present sleeplessness as an inevitable rather than a problem that can be solved.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 10:15

Yy I agree laurie

It's like anything else you can't always hang about waiting for them to get it. Sometimes they need a push

StrawberryMummy90 · 31/07/2016 10:52

Completely agree Laurie

emilybrontescorset · 31/07/2016 10:55

I don't see the problem. She is doing her best to teach her child how to fall asleep by themselves.

emilybrontescorset · 31/07/2016 10:56

Agree with Laurie too.

RainyDayBear · 31/07/2016 11:00

YABU - sounds like she's probably at the end of her tether. I'm not a fan of controlled crying but would do it if we'd tried everything else, and wouldn't judge anyone else for choosing to do that.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 11:02

I think it's also important to truly think of the impact.

It's not just a baby waking up.

How many threads do we see where people are having to shove kids on ipads/have movie afternoons while mummy sleeps with baby as she's been up all night.

How one night out causes so much resentment as one parent has dealt with two children and a baby who doesn't sleep all day and night.

We have husbands and wives who have the shared a bed in months just to enable each other to grab a small block of sleep.

Hell one even posted about peeing on a teddy because if she moved her child would scream for hours all over again as she had to hold her ponytail.

It's truly no way to live and the impact on the whole family can be huge.

pleasemothermay1 · 31/07/2016 11:06

Unless your planning to sit with her baby at night then I suggest you let people get on with whatever helps them get through

pleasemothermay1 · 31/07/2016 11:09

poster Gileswithachainsaw Sun 31-Jul-16 11:02:37
I think it's also important to truly think of the impact.

It's not just a baby waking up.

How many threads do we see where people are having to shove kids on ipads/have movie afternoons while mummy sleeps with baby as she's been up all night.

How one night out causes so much resentment as one parent has dealt with two children and a baby who doesn't sleep all day and night.

We have husbands and wives who have the shared a bed in months just to enable each other to grab a small block of sleep.

Hell one even posted about peeing on a teddy because if she moved her child would scream for hours all over again as she had to hold her ponytail.

It's truly no way to live and the impact on the whole family can be huge.
Add message | Report | Message poster pleasemothermay1 Sun 31-Jul-16 11:06:23
*this I got so tired of getting out with our baby I ran off one night hoped in my car and slept in a car park and left dh to deal with the kids after 7 days of waking 6 times a night I couldn't deal any longer baby was also waking toddle and teenage son the next day was well

I was unable to drive , do any cooking of any substance or even think stright

ayeokthen · 31/07/2016 11:15

Youngest DS (2) was screaming for hours yesterday, and I mean hours. Nothing placated him and I was crying myself by the end of it. We think he has ASD like eldest DS, but haven't talked to the neighbours about it. I'd be mortified if I thought the neighbours were worrying about how we parent. Just because you can hear crying doesn't mean mum isn't beside the baby trying her best.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 11:16

please

Clankboing · 31/07/2016 11:26

My ds cried loudly and screaming even if he lay between us. He cried day and night for the first year and a half. Thank God it then started to calm but he still cried easily. He was diagnosed with autism at age 7 which we suspected when he was a baby, as nothing, not even our presence, would calm him.

Clankboing · 31/07/2016 11:28

OP I would be a friend to her. Then you can judge a little more accurately and help if need be. I mean that kindly to both of you.

Atinybittiredandsad · 31/07/2016 11:30

Cc is fantastic and literally saved my sanity with all my children.

Original poster

Notthinkingclearly · 31/07/2016 11:40

Really intersting to read everyone's comments. I think she is a lovely mum and I am in no way critising her but just that personally I couldn't do it. I was keen to see anyone else felt the same way. I don't think anyone could try to change mind on the pros on cc. My second child didnt sleep through the night until 3 and even then it wasn't every night. Yes it's hard but motherhood is.

OP posts:

PrettyFlyForATightGuy · 31/07/2016 11:44

The problem here is that you really want to believe you're not judging her but you are. Very much so. I couldn't do controlled crying, it just wasn't for me and I too had a baby that would scream for hours in my arms some nights but just because it wasn't for me doesn't mean I sit feeling sorry for all the other 'poor babies' whose parents do it. If it works for them, brilliant. If it had worked for me and I could have done it I would have. The baby isn't coming to any harm and it sounds like it has a very loving and caring Mum.

Philoslothy · 31/07/2016 12:21

We have husbands and wives who have the shared a bed in months just to enable each other to grab a small block of sleep.

We cosleep with ours and in the early days DH has moved out of the bedroom for a few months so that I can relax sleeping with a newborn. In the grand scheme of things it really doesn't matter.

StrawberryMummy90 · 31/07/2016 12:45

slothy

Don't think she meant co sleeping when mum gets a decent nights sleep. There are families where mum and dad have to take it in turn rocking/bouncing baby every hour of the night because it's the only thing to get them to sleep. So one parent goes in spare room for a few hours to get some sleep so the other can take over and vice versa.
Me and DH used to do this, it was horrible, exhausting and did matter. Of course when their newborns you're going to have to put up with a baby feeding on demand etc but 6 months plus it just becomes a silly way to live. If both parents are happy then go for it but no one is happy with sleep deprivation.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 12:59

Yes that's what I meant strawberry

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 13:00

Not forgetting the other kids who are woken constantly too ergot tired for school

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2016 13:01

Not everyone else has a spare room either. We are often talking sofas and air beds

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