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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my ex- lodger has stolen my cat??

118 replies

gonenative · 30/07/2016 01:47

Hi all

I know it sounds insane but I really think he might have done. Please bear with me, it's a long story, but I need to explain all the details for you to get the full picture.

He moved in with me, my 2 kids, and my cat, 3 months ago, he was a friend of a friend, about 28, and seemed nice and normal. He soon grew very fond of our cat and was always saying how much he loved her and was often skypeing his sister overseas to show her off....

However after a month or so it emerged that he was a stoner - and although he obviously
wasn't smoking it in the house, his room smelt of weed. He was also doing dopey things like leaving the back door wide open and going out. I gave him a couple of warnings to sort it out but after a couple of weeks nothing had changed.

I then saw 2 weekends ago that he had spilt a load of red wine on the beige carpet in his room and just dumped a pile of cat litter on it, and also that he was using one of my daughter's storage boxes full of her schoolwork, which he had taken from the living room, as a bedside table. This was the last straw so I told him I needed to leave.

His response (via text) was that "it was just a disused box" and that he didn't see why it was a problem. Not sorry, and no explanation of the wine stain, so I told him he was being really disrespectful and gave him 2 weeks notice.

That night he came home while we were all in bed. I heard him come in then fell asleep. My daughter woke me up minutes later to say that weed smoke was coming in through her bedroom window. He was sitting outside his bedroom, on the flat roof above the kitchen, smoking a joint!!

I was furious and told him to leave ASAP. He apologised for that, but also said the same thing again about the box, and that he felt I was getting at him constantly and being unfairly demanding.

This was 2 weeks ago. I have been working away a lot and my kids have been with their dad 3/4 days a week so we haven't seen him since the night of the confrontation , but I could see he had been gradually moving his stuff out and staying elsewhere.

Cut to last night - I was in London and he texted me to say he had moved the last of his stuff out - was leaving the key - and did I know where the cat was. He asked if it was 'with the girls' which I thought was strange because if the kids are not at mine, they obviously don't take the cat with them.

I said not to worry, that she had probably had a wander and that I would be back soon.

He said that if I would be home soon he would wait to say goodbye, which I again thought was a little odd as he had been avoiding me for the last fortnight . I didn't get back to him and he texted to say he was leaving 20 minutes or so later.

I came back from work this evening - no cat.

My daughters last saw her yesterday at 4.30 pm, she had been in the house with them all day and they had fed her and then gone to their dad's.

I have asked all the neighbours - nothing - it's totally uncharacteristic of her to vanish like this. I texted the lodger to ask when he saw her and he kept saying the back gate was open (it was, it's broken but has been for a few weeks) and that he had been trying to tell me that he was concerned. Also that he had spent an hour looking around the house for her and that he would come by after work tomorrow and help look for her.

My daughter then said a couple of hours ago " What if xxxx took her?" My head has been in a spin ever since.

Has he been spinning a big lie, making out the cat was already missing last night and checking to see when I would be home, then nabbing the cat because he became really attached to it / is a bit unhinged / wants to get back at me - or is that just nuts?

It almost doesn't seem possible to me that he would have taken it, but at the same time, it is almost too much of a coincidence that the cat disappears the night that the lodger, who seems to feel he's been wronged by me, and is capable of both taking our stuff ( the box) and erratic behaviour ( the smoking on the roof) moves out.

I don't have a forwarding address for him and don't want him to know I am suspicious of him, so don't know what to do next. Phone the police?? Or is that totally crazy and am I just being paranoid?

Please help!!

Thanks for listening

X

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 30/07/2016 20:52

If he did take her, and he allows her out, the odds are that she will try to get home (to you). If she's not street savvy (I get the impression that you had cat-proofed your garden so that she couldn't get out) he will be in grave danger from traffic or dogs. You need to get her back asap if he has her.

DO you still have a phone number for him? Ring him and tell him you're worried sick because she is missing and could he keep an eye out for her (put details on FB as well. You could mention that you are particularly concerned because you've just got her blood test results from the vet and she has diabetes/hypoactive thyroid/internal parasites etc and is in desperate need of medication.

Who knows - maybe he will "find" her.

Bake · 31/07/2016 17:57

Any update? I hope you have your cat back! Sad

Thingamajiggy · 31/07/2016 17:58

Oh MY GOD I'd KILL someone who stole my cat. You need to find out where he is living and show up unannounced. When you move a cat to a new house you need to keep it in for a few weeks so it will be in the house.

  1. Say you need to forward some post and get the address.
  1. Show up and check. If he's living with someone else now you may be able to time it when he is out. Otherwise you'll need to barge your way in.
Thingamajiggy · 31/07/2016 18:00

You are so NOT being paranoid. We had someone living here who was cut from the same cloth (possibly sociopathic!) and I wouldn't put anything past him. Can you say you want to forward a letter?

LoreleiGilmoreIsMyBFF · 31/07/2016 18:35

Oh gosh, I really don't know. We've had a cat staying with us for a couple of weeks; she seemed very attached to my DS and I'd almost hoped she would refuse to go home with her original owner! She didn't - jumped in the basket as though our meaningful relationship brief time together meant nothing! Would a cat just go off with someone else?

Oakster1 · 31/07/2016 18:36

Wishing you lots of luck, it does sound as though he might have taken her although it's also possible she might have wondered off. It's a good idea to get him as involved in the search as you can, and also get a forwarding address for him. My cat was missing for 2 months recently (totally out of character, she had just got herself lost) and we got her back through facebook, so it's a good idea to get involved in all the lost and found pet groups in the area, and ask him to get involved in them as well/ask him to share your posts etc that way you can also get a link with him on facebook. Keep your posts bumped up so that she stays in people's minds and they know she is still missing. Also contact all the local vets and rescues (especially the vets local to where he is now living!) in case he takes her in to register her in the future, they all have lost and found registers. Usual advice if a cat is missing is also to put the cats bedding/litter tray outside, and some worn but unwashed clothes or bedding from your family on the line to help your cat 'smell' her way home if she has become lost. Also to search early morning/late at night, although that could be hard if you're on your own with two kids, at least try calling her softly from your doors before bed and as soon as you get up. And ask people in the neighbourhood to check sheds and garages, check out any empty houses nearby as much as you can too. Got everything crossed, hope you get your cat back very soon.

dansmum · 31/07/2016 18:58

If he cares about the cat..why would he take her away if he was going travelling? An animal lover would not take a pet then abandon it. A more positive outlook for you x

DontMindMe1 · 31/07/2016 19:21

i think the nasty git probably handed her in to a shelter somewhere far away/stranded her just to get back at the OP Angry

Notmuchtosay1 · 31/07/2016 19:28

Any news? Hopefully she'll turn up.

Jaxhog · 31/07/2016 19:54

Having lost a cat a few years ago, I feel your pain. Ours got locked in a neighbours outhouse for over 4 weeks before we found him. He was very thin, but fine.

Contact your local vets and online cat rescue places, as they will scan the microchip for any new cats. Get your neighbours to search sheds etc. thoroughly. And get your ex-tenant to help you. You may be able to tell by his behaviour, whether he has your cat or not.

It's perfectly reasonable to ask for a forwarding address for your ex-tenant by the way.

Dawniedots · 31/07/2016 19:55

'He' hasn't gone travelling...the OP has kicked him out of her house (he was her lodger). It was the person who recommended him to be the OP's lodger who has gone travelling.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 31/07/2016 19:59

Has he turned up to help find the cat?

bluepumpkin · 31/07/2016 20:16

How awful! I can't believe anyone would steal a cat, that's shocking. Any news OP?

lastofthewintergin · 31/07/2016 20:48

This is so sad. What a class A dickhead for a start. Acting so disrespectfully in your house and then this?! Sounds to me like he's taken her. I don't know what you can do though, just awful. Is she chipped? Report her missing with local vets / shelters etc, put up posters. If you do manage to get a forwarding address put one up outside his front door. Has he moved far away do you know? Sorry if I'm repeating people. Feel really sorry for you Flowers

Kittencatkins123 · 31/07/2016 21:29

So sorry OP I would be devastated if someone stole my cat. Can the friend he is friends will help? If it was me I'd be mortified that he'd caused so much trouble and would be keen to help. Will say a little cat prayer that your cat gets home safe and sound.
I also don't think you're being paranoid - who the hell skypes with someone else's cat?! And his behaviour is v off generally.

mummylove2monsters · 31/07/2016 22:19

Has your cat appeared yet ? How awful xxxx

GreatFuckability · 31/07/2016 22:47

I think this thread is insane. all the wild theories about taking it to a shelter and locking it in a box is madness. you've no proof hes done anything!

Billyjoelene578 · 31/07/2016 22:50

I think if he was making to steal the cat, he'd be just as likely NOT to mention it at all, so you wouldn't be concerned where it was before he even went -he sounds like someone ur well shot of, but I don't think there's much evidence he took the cat in his asking if u knew where it was...
I'd change the locks tho, u don't want him reappearing if he gets kicked out of new digs (I know he prob gave back his key, but he could have got another cut anytime while he lived there...). Say it's to do with a neighbour losing a key if it crops up for any reason.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 01/08/2016 00:02

How odd

Kittencatkins123 · 01/08/2016 09:25

There is a difference between a normal person moving out and a cat coincidentally going missing and this guy who was Skype showing off the cat to other people as well as other inappropriate/odd behaviour.

I really hope it is just a coincidence and that your cat returns safely but I do think it's understandable to link the two - I know I would. Odd people do odd things!

Could you meet your friend who is friends with him for a coffee, explain the problems you've had and get their take (even if you don't mention the cat, or just mention it 'in passing'?)

Really hope your cat has made it/makes it back home Flowers

bunnyfuller · 01/08/2016 10:27

Text him in a friendly way, you hope he's getting on ok, let him know cats still missing and you hope she's been picked up by eats/shelter as tests have just come back from vets about a long term expensive condition she has...and keep digging on FB, go on your friends FB page and look at her friends..etc.

boo2410 · 01/08/2016 15:07

Any news on your cat or your bonkers lodger OP? I really hope so, I would be very upset, like you are, if my cat went missing. Have you rung the microchip company and let the local vets know?

Meluzyna · 01/08/2016 15:46

Hope your cat reappears soon: I really think you should change your locks too - unless you have those keys that are impossible to duplicate - the guy sounds like a total weirdo and you were definitely right to give him his marching orders.

karis84 · 01/08/2016 19:49

When did you last see the cat?

If you haven't really been home and neither have your girls, who is to say that the cat hadn't been missing for a while, like the lodger said?

The guy hasn't shown any kind of nastiness - he's a stoner, so a bit of an idiot, but there's nothing to show that he's vindictive in any way.

BengalGal · 01/08/2016 20:49

We are all dying to know...any sign of the cat?