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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my ex- lodger has stolen my cat??

118 replies

gonenative · 30/07/2016 01:47

Hi all

I know it sounds insane but I really think he might have done. Please bear with me, it's a long story, but I need to explain all the details for you to get the full picture.

He moved in with me, my 2 kids, and my cat, 3 months ago, he was a friend of a friend, about 28, and seemed nice and normal. He soon grew very fond of our cat and was always saying how much he loved her and was often skypeing his sister overseas to show her off....

However after a month or so it emerged that he was a stoner - and although he obviously
wasn't smoking it in the house, his room smelt of weed. He was also doing dopey things like leaving the back door wide open and going out. I gave him a couple of warnings to sort it out but after a couple of weeks nothing had changed.

I then saw 2 weekends ago that he had spilt a load of red wine on the beige carpet in his room and just dumped a pile of cat litter on it, and also that he was using one of my daughter's storage boxes full of her schoolwork, which he had taken from the living room, as a bedside table. This was the last straw so I told him I needed to leave.

His response (via text) was that "it was just a disused box" and that he didn't see why it was a problem. Not sorry, and no explanation of the wine stain, so I told him he was being really disrespectful and gave him 2 weeks notice.

That night he came home while we were all in bed. I heard him come in then fell asleep. My daughter woke me up minutes later to say that weed smoke was coming in through her bedroom window. He was sitting outside his bedroom, on the flat roof above the kitchen, smoking a joint!!

I was furious and told him to leave ASAP. He apologised for that, but also said the same thing again about the box, and that he felt I was getting at him constantly and being unfairly demanding.

This was 2 weeks ago. I have been working away a lot and my kids have been with their dad 3/4 days a week so we haven't seen him since the night of the confrontation , but I could see he had been gradually moving his stuff out and staying elsewhere.

Cut to last night - I was in London and he texted me to say he had moved the last of his stuff out - was leaving the key - and did I know where the cat was. He asked if it was 'with the girls' which I thought was strange because if the kids are not at mine, they obviously don't take the cat with them.

I said not to worry, that she had probably had a wander and that I would be back soon.

He said that if I would be home soon he would wait to say goodbye, which I again thought was a little odd as he had been avoiding me for the last fortnight . I didn't get back to him and he texted to say he was leaving 20 minutes or so later.

I came back from work this evening - no cat.

My daughters last saw her yesterday at 4.30 pm, she had been in the house with them all day and they had fed her and then gone to their dad's.

I have asked all the neighbours - nothing - it's totally uncharacteristic of her to vanish like this. I texted the lodger to ask when he saw her and he kept saying the back gate was open (it was, it's broken but has been for a few weeks) and that he had been trying to tell me that he was concerned. Also that he had spent an hour looking around the house for her and that he would come by after work tomorrow and help look for her.

My daughter then said a couple of hours ago " What if xxxx took her?" My head has been in a spin ever since.

Has he been spinning a big lie, making out the cat was already missing last night and checking to see when I would be home, then nabbing the cat because he became really attached to it / is a bit unhinged / wants to get back at me - or is that just nuts?

It almost doesn't seem possible to me that he would have taken it, but at the same time, it is almost too much of a coincidence that the cat disappears the night that the lodger, who seems to feel he's been wronged by me, and is capable of both taking our stuff ( the box) and erratic behaviour ( the smoking on the roof) moves out.

I don't have a forwarding address for him and don't want him to know I am suspicious of him, so don't know what to do next. Phone the police?? Or is that totally crazy and am I just being paranoid?

Please help!!

Thanks for listening

X

OP posts:
SwissWank · 30/07/2016 08:21

Well if he did get rid of the cat it would probably just be in your neighborhood and she'd come home anyway as he won't want it to get hurt. Asking for an address for post is standard.

SwissWank · 30/07/2016 08:21

Don't ask if he took it though. Get the address.

gonenative · 30/07/2016 08:24

I can't find him on Facebook - he has a fairly common name and isn't friends with our one mutual friend on there....

I will post on FB saying she is missing though, and call local vets and rescue centres. But if he has taken her he's going to be hiding her wherever he's moved to isn't he?

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 30/07/2016 08:25

Yes - def get his address. Then you can lay in wait outside his house and steal your cat back!!

Ilovenannyplum · 30/07/2016 08:26

How odd, I really hope he hasn't taken the cat, what kind of weirdo steals a family pet? Hmm

gonenative · 30/07/2016 08:28

I'm going to print out a poster I've made now and spend the morning putting them up even if it's futile, not much else I can do right now I suppose.

I live in a big city and he may have moved anywhere within it , no way of knowing at the moment.

OP posts:
INeedNewShoes · 30/07/2016 08:28

I would take two courses of action:

  1. If your cat has never been away this long before, then report her as missing. Is she microchipped? If there is an innocent explanation you don't want to have wasted time finding her by concentration too much on the lodger.

  2. Get his address for "forwarding post".

INeedNewShoes · 30/07/2016 08:29

Also send a copy of the poster by email to vet practices in the area.

gonenative · 30/07/2016 08:31

Thanks NewShoes yes, I'll do all the usual 'missing cat' things, in case my suspicions are wrong, and get his address from him if he comes over / ask him for it if he doesn't.

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 30/07/2016 08:31

And if he won't give you his address, follow him home when he comes to pick up his post.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2016 08:36

Yes he's stolen her - now you have to find out where he lives without raising suspicion

Follow him from work?

Do some detective work with his friends.

He WILL be at home with your cat.

LaurieFairyCake · 30/07/2016 08:36

You must not let him know you suspect him

GerdaLovesLili · 30/07/2016 08:43

Does that make him a cat burglar?

GoEasyPudding · 30/07/2016 08:43

If he isn't tempted back by post (describe a handwritten package/envelope, looks like its from travelling friend!) try telling him you owe him a few quid as you think he over paid his rent, and you will drop it round and get his address that way.

If he still won't give up his address and he come to see you instead follow him home, get friends to help.

Gosh I do hope the Cat turns up.

llhj · 30/07/2016 08:44

Contact the police. Seriously, go to the station Asap and ask them to go round to check. You've nothing to lose. They do actually take this type of crime seriously. What a shithead.

llhj · 30/07/2016 08:45

Gerda not funny and poor taste in the circumstances. The op is clearly distressed here.

SwissWank · 30/07/2016 08:47

Well. It was a bit funny.

Botanicbaby · 30/07/2016 08:48

How awful for you! I do hope your cat turns up. It could just be a terrible coincidence as I don't think you can say for certain he has taken her.
I'd get in touch with all local vets, animal charities and so on. The local cats protection may be able to offer good advice on what to do? You should definitely report your suspicions and try to get help tracing him. Did he work or was he studying? Was there only the one mutual friend that knew him?
Please ask your neighbours if they saw anything too!
Fingers crossed she comes home soon or that she's safely returned to you! I know how horrible this must feel for you OP.

Goingtobeawesome · 30/07/2016 09:00

You have genuinely got post fro him so can ask for his address to send it on. No doubt he'll offer to come and pick it up so tell him you will have to bin anything else that comes if he don't feel he can give you his address Wink.

I also think the cat is missing because of him.

Monsterpage · 30/07/2016 09:08

Report your cat missing with the company your cat chip is issued to. People do steal cats and you will hear that "cats are chattel and don't belong to a person". However as you have chipped your cat and if it appears this person has removed her they are doing it with the intention to permanently deprive you of her and this is against the law and you can involve the police.
I had the same thing happen to us - it was a neighbours lodger though. They took our cat from London and moved to Brighton. We thought she was dead but 4 months later got a phone call from a Vets in Brighton to say someone had brought our cat in for a check up and they had found the chip. The person with the cat tried to convince the vet they had got her from a local cat sanctuary and she was a stray. We didn't know we should have reported her to the microchip company so they managed to walk out of the vets with her. It took over a week of negotiation to get her back.
If your cat is reported as stolen to the micro chip company then if they take your cat into a vets at any point she will come up as stolen and they will keep hold of the cat and contact you. (So I am told).
I pray she turns up today crying for food.
I would ask him for a forwarding address for post. Then go and have a nose or get someone you know to do it.

diddl · 30/07/2016 09:15

If he did care about the cat it might not be that surprising that he asked about it.

However, if they have never been missing before...

Catzpyjamas · 30/07/2016 09:17

I agree with Monsterpage that you should phone the microchip company. That way it should flag as missing if any vet or rescue looks up her chip number. Some even email all local vets to notify of missing pets.

allloveknows · 30/07/2016 09:20

I hope he hasn't done this, what a mean thing to do to your kids if so!

gonenative · 30/07/2016 09:23

Thanks Monsterpage, I didn't know that, will do it now.

I can't believe someone would take your cat and move cities with them!! So outrageous. Really glad you got reunited with her.

I'm going to wait and see if he comes over this evening, then ask him for his address. If he's weird about it, I'll call the police I think.

OP posts:
Porcupinetree · 30/07/2016 09:27

Definitely call the police!