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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Engagement ring and MIL! <lighthearted>

58 replies

LemonadeRingOnIt · 28/07/2016 23:36

Apologies for the lighthearted tag, I fucking hate them but don't want a chorus of LTB Grin I've also NCd as the DFiance (ooh, first time I've used that!) knows my usual posting name and I mostly just want a moan and a quick poll.

So DP proposed at the weekend Grin super super romantic, big weekend for us, was the best day of my life so far BAR NONE. So that's lovely. He proposed with a dummy ring because I'm a fussy bitch difficult to shop for Wink

We are heading back to the city he grew up in in 2 weeks and the plan is to buy the real ring when we are there. We are staying with MIL-to-be and she is quite possibly more over the effing moon than I am (which takes a lot!)

For background - he's an only child of a single mum and they are close. Which I don't actually mind, I love his dedication to her, I think it bodes well for the future, it's never been to my detriment and she welcomes me like a daughter (and has since we met tbf - I adore her).

So I get an email from her today saying that DFiance has invited her along on the engagement ring shopping trip...

Her (sensible) reaction was to say he'd asked her along, but that she thought the last thing I'd want is her tagging along and it's meant to be between us (we are 30ish!!).

I mayyyy have sent him a message saying 'err, why did you ask your mother along to engagement ring shopping?!?'.

All is fine because she gets that it would be weird, but subsequent discussion reveals he honestly doesn't think it's odd. I am convinced it bloody well is!

MN jury - what do you think?

OP posts:
blondieblondie · 29/07/2016 00:45

At first I thought ODD, does not bode well, but the more I think about it, it's quite sweet of him and if you don't even live near by then I guess it's not really as if this might be the start of weird overbearing MIL behaviour.

Still wouldn't want her there though. As lovely as she sounds!

hazeimcgee · 29/07/2016 00:47

Haha yep. I have lovely days to the theatre etc with MIL and whilst she does drive me soft telling me the same story 10 times i know she loves having a proxy daughter

Floods123 · 29/07/2016 00:59

I would say no to her in the nicest possible way but to celebrate the buying of the ring maybe treat her to lunch and say she will be the first to see it. Other than the two of you of course!

sleeponeday · 29/07/2016 01:21

I want your MIL. I'm not joking, either!

Congrats on finding a lovely bloke with an equally lovely mum - now that really is a catch!

HormonalHeap · 29/07/2016 02:13

Lovely in theory (or is it?) but tbh I wouldn't want anyone else helping to make a decision on something I would be wearing for the rest of my life! You are right in saying his closeness to his mum bodes well for the future- it does.

T0ddlerSlave · 29/07/2016 07:18

I guess if he was getting it before he proposed he'd get his mum's opinion, perhaps he doesn't get that with you there to decide he doesn't need anyone else?

Tinklypoo · 29/07/2016 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BigGreenOlives · 29/07/2016 07:33

Definitely wouldn't want her there as you don't want her views on how much you should spend (unless he's a cheapskate).

TheNaze73 · 29/07/2016 07:37

That is so odd, it beggars belief

IamCarcass · 29/07/2016 07:38

He's odd, she sounds lovely. I'd be inclined to leave him at home and just take her (though I did find my ring when out with a friend).

OneEpisode · 29/07/2016 07:46

Does Dfiance not like shopping? If so I would also be tempted to shop with MiL. shopping as a group of 3 no, though.

throwingpebbles · 29/07/2016 07:53

She sounds very lovely!!
Definitely do all you can to make her feel included and valued in other ways though Smile

PaulDacreCuntyMcCuntFace · 29/07/2016 07:54

All sounds sensible to me - you both sound as if you're on similar wavelengths which bodes well for the future. I think it's lovely to involve her in your meal and also having her there for the dress shopping.

My MIL is lovely and I wouldn't have minded her coming dress shopping with me at all; it would have been preferable to having my Mum who damns with faint praise...

CPtart · 29/07/2016 07:57

I think it's odd too. And I'd wonder what else she will expect to be so heavily involved in as you set up your lives together as an independent couple. It may be 'sweet' at the moment. Maybe not so in a few years. She should have enough tact to laugh the suggestion off and gently suggest it's a special moment for the two of you to do together. Is there a FIL? Does she have friends of her own, hobbies?

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 29/07/2016 07:59

I shopped for my engagement ring with my SIL ... my DH wasn't even with us. When he got the bill I think he regretted it though Grin

I'd recommend it, definitely ups the budget

blitheringbuzzards1234 · 29/07/2016 08:01

It should be just the two of you - then when you see her next you pointedly place your hand with said ring under her nose and say,
"Look! Look at my lovely ring."
MIL-to-be exclaims excitedly, "Ooh, lovely, isn't it beautiful!"
That's how it ought to be.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 29/07/2016 08:02

CPtart - RTFOP! The MIL fortunately has her head on right and is keeping out of it.

OP - I have MIL envy :) I think it's a bit odd, but that he'll learn, with your and MIL's help, what bits of your life together it's appropriate to involve her in.

Congratulations!

cexuwaleozbu · 29/07/2016 08:03

That is certainly odd and both her reaction that she understood that the last thing I'd want is her tagging along, and your response of "thank god we agree, thank you for being lovely about it!" were entirely correct and the best possible outcome.

Sounds like you aren't going to have an MIL problem but are you going to have a DH problem? no won't go there because the tag forbids it

Zuccarelli · 29/07/2016 08:03

It wouldn't bother me tbh. But then choosing a ring wouldn't bother me either! I'm not really fussed about things like that.

CPtart · 29/07/2016 08:06

Apologies.
But it's still odd in that he thought it was appropriate to ask her in the first place.
She sounds a good'un though.

fabulous01 · 29/07/2016 08:11

Odd. I used to have a good relationship with mil (she saw ring first), was lovely, only son etc etc. She turned into a witch .....
Hopefully you have a different experience but do agree that it ups the budget Smile

NavyandWhite · 29/07/2016 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

icanteven · 29/07/2016 08:14

You do it in any way that seems right to you. Not long ago, people would have said it was extremely odd for the bride-to-be to be on this shopping trip in the first place.

It was very nice of her to email you like that though - she sounds lovely.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 29/07/2016 08:16

I think I'd consider ditching him & marrying her! 😁

UnexpectedBaggage · 29/07/2016 08:16

I think your DF is so loved up and excited that he wants to share the love with the other woman in his life. She sounds lovely.

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