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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think this is very odd? (another mil one)

28 replies

FindingEmo · 28/07/2016 22:37

Mil is not in the best of health and she goes on about it a lot but something's don't seem to be adding up at the moment and I don't know if it's me.
Mil has dialysis and was on the transplant list (supposedly).
My gran is in hospital and we have been warned that any day now she will be gone. The day my gran was admitted (it wasn't known it was this serious at the time) mil ring and said she had growths on her kidney and it was possible her cancer was back (she had breast cancer well over 10 years ago but completely recovered and has had no sign since). So me and dh are trying to support each other but and up arguing a lot due to stress. Mil days biopsy booked etc so we wait for results and she says at has to wait to see consultant and it is likely to be months which I was a bit about but I don't really know how these things work. She also says she has been taken off transplant list until result a are known. So any way dh rang hwr yesterday and said things with my gran were v bad. Suddenly Mil has had her results and it's not cancer. Today she rang dh in tears about my gran (they've only met once) and then told dh that she wasn't going back on the transplant list as it was too much hassle (I mean wtf ). I briefly spoke to to my dmum to find out how my dad (it's his mum in hospital) was doing and I mentioned that mil had been given good news etc and my mum who is the nicest person to everyone snapped and said that woman is the nicest attention seeker ever.
Aibu or is the whole thing really weird?
I've posted other threads about pil off behaviour before but this is even worse.

Sorry for the long confusing post.

OP posts:

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 28/07/2016 22:47

Sounds like your Mother has it right.

Original poster

FindingEmo · 28/07/2016 22:54

biggest attention seeker not nicest!

OP posts:

Dakgalbi · 28/07/2016 23:24

Sorry about your Gran.

I think your Mum is right too.

Queenbean · 28/07/2016 23:26

Your mum is right

Arfarfanarf · 28/07/2016 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AdjustableWench · 29/07/2016 01:12

I don't know. Cancer does have an unpleasant habit of reappearing, and I recently lost a family member who'd had one kind of cancer years ago and then died from another kind of cancer which is sort of related to the first kind, if that makes sense. So maybe I'm not the ideal person to comment... And yet, I do think your mum has a point. Your MIL does seem to be making it all about her, if I understand you correctly.

I'm sorry about your gran, and I hope she's as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.

Original poster

FindingEmo · 29/07/2016 04:59

Adjustable I completely believed her about the cancer until she went from saying she had to wait weeks/months for a result etc to suddenly 2 days later having an answer.
Sorry to hear about your family member.

OP posts:

blueturtle6 · 29/07/2016 06:47

I think you only get results back that quickly if they had to start urgent treatment, they make you wait for the good news. Although I asked if my results where back when I had an appointment following week, and they were, so maybe she rang to check?

Becky546 · 29/07/2016 06:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SanityClause · 29/07/2016 07:05

Doesn't dialysis usually mean having to go to hospital for treatment most days? Surely a transplant would be far less hassle than that.

Original poster

FindingEmo · 29/07/2016 07:06

Blue as far as i was aware she was still waiting for the biopsy when she suddenly got the results.

She is very good at contradicting herself. She told dh not to visit his nan in the care home so he kept good memories. A few months later she's moaning at him for not making the effort to see his nan.

OP posts:

Goingtobeawesome · 29/07/2016 07:06

I'm sorry about your gran .

Your mum is right. I'd not take calls from your mil for a while.

BlossomHillOne · 29/07/2016 07:25

I does sound like you mother is right, but your MIL is quite ill if she needs dialysis.

Longlost10 · 29/07/2016 07:38

she says at has to wait to see consultant and it is likely to be months which I was a bit hmm about but I don't really know how these things work

perfectly feasible.

My DB has had cancer, he has one scan a year, and normally gets the results and sees the consultant 6 months later.

This applies, even if the scan shows something sinister.

But not always, sometimes the results have come back unexpectedly.

this bears no relationship to the results of the scan, btw.

Nothing your MIL says is unlikely, especially the fact that she seems to be getting contradictory information herself.

if she was lying, wouldn't she plan to be more consistent?

NavyandWhite · 29/07/2016 07:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CoraPirbright · 29/07/2016 07:54

Is it just the cancer you are questioning or the whole dialysis/transplant thing? If the latter, surely that is easy to prove/disprove if you felt so inclined. I don't really know anything about it but doesnt it have to happen really often (daily? 2/3 week?). You should offer to go and sit with her and chat during treatment! I think I would want to know if only for my own private information. I would feel absolutely awful if I was doubting it all and it all turned out to be true. But then if it is all a pack of lies, I think she must have some serious psychological issues going on, so ill but just in a different way.

Longlost10 · 29/07/2016 08:03

Doesn't dialysis usually mean having to go to hospital for treatment most days? Surely a transplant would be far less hassle than that

no and no

Original poster

FindingEmo · 29/07/2016 08:19

She has dialysis every other day and I have been with her and so has dh so I know that's true. I was just a bit shocked at her comment that going back on the transplant list was too much hassle (her words).

And I just think its off that she said she hadn't had her biopsy yet then suddenly had results. I'm not saying she's lying as such it just all seems a bit contradictory.
I understand she is very ill with kidney failure and going with her to dialysis I saw how tough it is for her.
I might just be over sensitive at the moment but it just seems like when my family has a problem things suddenly get worse for her.

OP posts:

Original poster

FindingEmo · 29/07/2016 08:23

That came across really badly!
Obviously we are really happy that the cancer isn't back and we want to support her with her other health problems.

OP posts:

MrsDeVere · 29/07/2016 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RJnomore1 · 29/07/2016 08:29

Bit odd to get the results before you had the biopsy surely? 😕

Although it is possible they've looked at something else like a blood test result of something which could have shown its not cancerous? I think!

toptoe · 29/07/2016 08:30

She might well be attention seeking but then she is in kidney failure. It was possible her cancer returned - that bit sounds reasonable. And they may have warned her it could take a while for results, but smears take a couple of weeks not months. She might have misheard how long it would take.

So both things may be happening: she's genuinely being screened for cancer and she's also looking for attention. It comes from a place of low esteem. She might also have cried about your gran because she has fears of her own future. So your family problems scare her.

MrsDeVere · 29/07/2016 08:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ditsy4 · 29/07/2016 08:46

Cancer can and often does return. I lost my aunt and best friend this way.

People get cancellations so may be why she has the news or sometimes results just come back earlier than expected. I know I was waiting supposedly weeks only for my GP to be beaming with good news a week later.
I have known someone else react like this after being taken off the transplant list for a similar reason. I think it is just reaction to the fact that they go back on much further down. She needs time to adjust. She is probably fed up with all the time at the hospital.
I am so sorry to hear that your gran is so ill. Your MIL has been on a bit of an emotional roller coaster so it isn't unusual for her to be upset as she will be thinking about you and there is nothing like someone dying to bring it home to others that we are not here forever. As you get older you feel that more. I think you could cut her a bit of slack and get your DH to buy her a large bunch of flowers.

grannytomine · 29/07/2016 08:53

How could she get the result before the biopsy? That doesn't make any sort of sense.

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