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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

1004 replies

user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 19:31

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo Hmm I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

OP posts:
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Msqueen33 · 29/07/2016 23:24

Oh dear! I'd hit the museum first and see if he remembers. I've got a 7 and 6 year old and they're both unbothered by animals. We've done a few zoos and they haven't cared less although one year they were mad keen on seeing "Gloria" the hippo (thanks to the Madagascar film). But neither are great at recalling their days but it does all sound a bit suss. A big trip like that and you'd expect a few pictures.

RTKangaMummy · 29/07/2016 23:25

I used to be a CM and when I stopped doing it the gov started all these rules etc

I am sure iirc that she would have had to have done forms h&s etc

Also the idea was that CM had to take photos of children doing things that show the learning objectives or something like that

I am talking about 14 years ago ish so it could have all changed

Anyway mega weird that she didn't take any photos of the children to use for future activities or to put on notice board just for the fun of putting on the wall

So IMHO deffo did not take your DS to zoo which Is a shame cos hopefully he would have enjoyed it

RedLarvaYellowLarva · 29/07/2016 23:34

43percent "So your 5 year old son, who has never been to a zoo before, forgets the;

Monorail
Elephants
Giraffes
Monkeys
Boat trip
Dinosaur exhibit
Children's play area

But tells you all about;
a man
tin hat,
some coins (which he didn't bring home)
A woman walking her dog".

Well, maybe! We took DS, then just turned 5, to Florida for the full Disney/Universal Studios holiday extravaganza. Asked him at the end what the best bit was, and he said the beach we went to in Portugal last year! Grin

MrsJoeyMaynard · 29/07/2016 23:42

It is utterly bizarre that an adult who had actually taken a child to a zoo would attempt to jog his memory of the zoo by talking about coins, rather than animals.

I can imagine a child fixating on the coins, if there were exciting coin squashing machines and coin displays etc.

But I find it hard to imagine an adult taking a child to the zoo and then saying "oh, you like the coins? Well, let's spend all day looking at coins" instead of something like "why don't we look at the coins for 5 minutes and then see if we can find an elephant / other exciting animal"

And the adult focusing on the coins as a memory jogger? That's like me trying to remind my 4 yr old about his trip to see Santa by saying "remember you got that cupcake with the penguin on the icing in the cafe" instead of "don't you remember Santa? He gave you that really annoying whistle and some reindeer food"

changingnameforthispost · 29/07/2016 23:53

I love this thread as it reminds me so much of when my then 4 yr old ds told me, in amazing detail, all about the circus that had come to his school that day, complete with clowns, trapeze artists, horses, and even a fun fair in the playground. Truly a day never to be forgotten, but a total fantasy.
However from what you have written, I don't think you have chosen the right childminder as you don't appear to have a confident enough relationship with her to ask a very straightforward question, and then believe or challenge her response.

Doinmummy · 29/07/2016 23:56

We went to Disney World when DD was 6 . When we got home my mum asked her if she enjoyed meeting Mickey Mouse , did she see Cinderellas castle , did she like the rides ? etc . DD said she hadn't met Mickey Mouse , despite photographic evidence and all we had done for 2 weeks was swim in the pool Confused .

I wish I'd saved my money and taken her to the local swimming baths !

dowhatnow · 29/07/2016 23:58

I'd be concerned whether he's been brainwashed all day or been told not to tell mummy and that's why he's clamming up.

MrBoot · 30/07/2016 00:00

The OP said in an earlier post that the CM brings the kids out on daily excursions. I have to admit that made me raise my eyebrows. I imagine it is easier to entertain the children outside rather than inside the house but seriously who brings a gaggle of kids on daily trips? If she actually does this, she would be a super organised person who would have all details, tickets booked and paid for in advance etc. Not somebody who takes two days to fm find a receipt!

I don't believe the CM at all from your later posts.

It also concerns me that she is manipulating and confusing your small son with stories of places he hasn't been and literally putting thoughts and words in his head.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 30/07/2016 00:15

I feel it's very important to point out that there are other, excellent child minders available, and those excellent childminders definitely DO take the children to Chester Zoo.

And....(drumroll), I have evidence!!! Dah dah daaaaaaah!!!

Many thanks to the excellent Childminder who found my DS in Chester zoo when he got lost there two years ago.

Near the butterfly house if anyone wants to own up to being that excellent child minder!

DS was 3 and out for A Big Treat while staying up north with proud grand parents...

They had the whole zoo on lock down and my parents were completely freaking out that they'd lost their beloved grand son and would have to tell me what they'd done! I don't know how long it took to find him, my parents varied between just a second, and, forever and ever... So somewhere in between I guess. Those minutes of panic are loooong and I'm so glad I didn't know until it was all ok.

DS didn't actually realize he'd been lost until some time afterwards (silly sausage). From his perspective he'd told his granny he needed the toilet twice and she 'ignored' him, err, didn't hear, Granny is going a bit deaf DS!

Anyway, DS thought she must be Really Interested in the tank she was looking in so decided not to bother anyone as he'd noticed a loo sometime earlier. So just trundled off and navigated his way quite some way to the loo, managed all the doors, sink etc, and it was only coming out of the toilets he got turned around and set off happily in the opposite direction... Just as it dawned on him that he'd been walking a long time, and his granny and grandpa were still not there, a lovely Childminder zoomed her buggy over to him and asked if he needed a hand, reassured him, grabbed a zoo employee who radioed to get the poor gibbering mess of my parents, while she stayed put with DS (as DS wasn't sure about going off with a 'stranger').

DS said she was very kind and they were going to have a picnic, & he'd wanted to join in. My mother said the child minder was wonderful and calmed her down, which would have been a major achievement tbh! The Childminder said seen him a bit before and was keeping an eye on him ... he must have looked very purposeful as no one seemed to notice the lone explorer on his travels until her!

DS steadfastly refused to believe he was lost for a long time after, and got quite cross at me, saying he couldn't have been lost as he didn't feel lost, but granny and grampa got lost and were naughty wondering off until the lovely Childminder helped him find them again Grin

So there, a definite sighting of a lovely childminder at Chester Zoo. Thank you! Cake

Balletgirlmum · 30/07/2016 00:16

The Grosvenor Museum has a big exhibition of coins on at the moment.

Donatellalymanmoss · 30/07/2016 00:38

To be honest OP I don't think this thread is helping any more because now you just have lots of people who have never spoken to your son or your child minder or been to Chester Zoo creating lots of quite opinionated posts for their own entertainment.

What other people think is not important. For any response your childminder gives someone will post say she is lying and another to say she's telling the truth.

Try and move this chatter from your mind and think about whether you think she was lying based only on your interaction with her. Also If the museum is free just take your son there

purplefox · 30/07/2016 00:50

I'd be taking him to the zoo, or at least driving by and asking him if he's been before

Lweji · 30/07/2016 01:00

We took DS, then just turned 5, to Florida for the full Disney/Universal Studios holiday extravaganza. Asked him at the end what the best bit was, and he said the beach we went to in Portugal last year!

And he was right.

Mummyme1987 · 30/07/2016 01:02

Why are you taking your son there while you obviously think she's lying and you don't trust her? Nobody on here can tell who is telling the truth or not. It's getting daft now.

Mummyme1987 · 30/07/2016 01:05

I wouldn't be surprised to hear she gives you your notice Monday. The trust is broken whether she took him or not, and there really isn't any evidence either way really at the moment. I can understand why you asked her about it but now asking other parents. It's one past the point of trust. I couldn't leave my child in the hands of someone I thought could do that.

Mummyme1987 · 30/07/2016 01:07

It's gone past the point of trust now. From both of you, you think she may have lied and she feels you think she is a liar. Either way the trust is gone.

rainbowstardrops · 30/07/2016 06:02

It's certainly going to be tricky for you both to get past this as the trust has gone.

I'd be very surprised if she presents you with a legitimate ticket on Monday. If her plans changed, why didn't she just give you your money back??? Very odd.

Are you planning on taking DS to the museum/zoo at the weekend to see if either triggers his memory?

LagunaBubbles · 30/07/2016 06:35

Coconutty, thank you for that, heard it before obviously but made me laugh!!Grin

KoalaDownUnder · 30/07/2016 06:37

I soooo hope she's a mumsnetter and presents you with a printout of fastdaytears' receipt on Monday.
GrinGrinGrin

honeysucklejasmine · 30/07/2016 06:43

This is such an odd situation. As luck would have it, I took a fanciful 5 yo to a zoo yesterday. I will ask her what she remembers in the morning.

retainertrainer · 30/07/2016 06:59

Oh come on -the kids 5 not stupid! I think it's glaringly obvious he hasn't been to the zoo. Chester zoo is amazing,the coin machine is great fun-one of the highlights for my DS when we went along side the Tigers and orang-utans and dinosaurs and elephants and on and on.

JeanGenie23 · 30/07/2016 07:35

I think her response to your son was very heavy handed, one of a person with a guilty conscience.

But just because I think that doesn't mean it's true. You have to mull this over, for me the confusion over this zoo/museum would make the relationship between all of you too tense and so I would find other childcare, however this is easier said than done.

You may never fully get the bottom of this. I don't know if she lied or not really. As a CM myself I find it abhorrent to think that someone in such a position of trust is lying, but it doesn't mean that it's not possible.

I would suggest you find other childcare arrangements. Best wishes

SaltySeaBird · 30/07/2016 07:46

Bit of an impossible situation. We took DD (4) to Paultons and she loved it - went on almost every ride. When my Dsis asked her a few days later what her favourite bit was she said it was eating a picnic in the grass and the ducks coming over. What a lovely day at the park ...

I think it would be far too risky for a CM to lie about these things with children that age.

RumAppleGinger · 30/07/2016 07:58

I also suspect your CM is not telling the truth.

My childminder took my boys to the local playground and splash park yesterday. She messaged me ten photos of them playing. Surely a trip to the zoo would be worthy of at least photo?

soyvanillalatte · 30/07/2016 08:33

Was just thinking. Maybe the child minder doesn't know what a zoo is 😂

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