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Original poster

would you believe ds (5) or the childminder? childminer took ds and the children elsewhere

1004 replies

user1469643462 · 27/07/2016 19:31

It is the summer holidays so ds has to be with a childminer, for 3 days a week. I pay her for the actual care she provides, then i pay for any visits to places on top of that, they were supposed to be going to the zoo today and i had paid £21 for ds's zoo ticket and i know that isnt loads but tbh with the cost i had already paid for her to look after him it was almost today's wages! ds goes there with 2 boys and a little girl aswell all around the same age give or take. Ds got home and was telling me all about his trip to the local museum (which was free) i did not have a problem with that he seemed to have had a great time. I phoned up the childminder and asked if she could just paypal the money back over and she said that she had no idea what i was going on about and that she took them to the zoo Hmm I know children do love to use their imagination, so i was a bit undecided, ds kept going on about the objects he had seen and told me a story about a man showing them the kids bit. ds has never been to this museum and it was just odd how well he was explaining it. I would love to phone the other parents but tbh i dont actually know them! it's all very odd...

OP posts:
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purplefox · 28/07/2016 23:42

greatblueowl you can get a GPS tag to go on the dog collar

OhFuds · 28/07/2016 23:45

great Could the dog walker use their own leads, double ones if they are walking a couple at a time.

place marking for the cm update

MrsKCastle · 28/07/2016 23:50

How about this for a way of talking to the CM? Obviously if they did go to the zoo, then the OP's DS is either outright lying or has misinterpreted /misunderstood something about the trip.

OP, could you try saying 'My DS is still insisting that he went to a museum. I was hoping you might be able to jog his memory with a picture or zoo map as I don't want him to think that it's ok to tell lies, and if it's a genuine mistake on his part, I'd like to clear it up.'

If OP makes it seem like she's doubting the child's story (and after all, why would the CM lie?) Then asking for some evidence might not be seen as so accusatory.

PovertyPain · 28/07/2016 23:51

I walk dogs and hang the leads up or, if they're really wet, put them on the dash, over the heating vent. I also towel dry the dogs, give them a quick wash if mucky. I don't want to put very wet dogs back in their homes as some if my clients are very particular.

If you have concerns, then a tracker is a good idea. I have caught a dog walker sitting in their van, reading their paper when they were supposed to be walking the dogs. Fucker.

Permanentlyexhausted · 28/07/2016 23:59

MrsKCastle it might not be quite so accusatory but if I was the CM in this situation I'd still think 'why doesn't that mother just say what she thinks instead of making up some stupid cock and bull story?' Followed immediately by 'no wonder the child makes up stories if this is the example he's set.'

Viewofthegarden · 29/07/2016 00:06

OP, I had thought you could perhaps ask the CM for a quiet word out of earshot of your DS, and then tell her that you are concerned about the somewhat out of character behaviour of your DS since the zoo visit. He is denying having seen any animals and is instead talking about having seen a hat and coins on the visit. You are therefore concerned that something may have upset him during the trip that is prompting his refusal to talk about any of the animals he saw. Can the CM shed any light on the matter? Can she tell you in a bit more detail about what happened on the trip? Might be an idea to have this conversation when you pick your DS up at the end of the day, so that you don't get into a situation of feeling you have no option but to leave your child with someone you have had an altercation with (if that is the way things pan out).

NicknameNotTaken · 29/07/2016 00:15

Greatblueowl, my DM has a dog walking/day care business and we often use our own leads, especially if we've got lots of dogs that day. I can always tell if they went for a walk in the rain though by the distinctive aroma of wet dog! Smile

If you're worried do get a GPS for the collar, dog walkers who cheat people deserve to be outed!

Doublemint · 29/07/2016 00:25

You've got to have a friendly non confrontational chat with her OP.

It seems a bit ridiculous for the CM to think a 5yo wouldn't go home and tell their parents where they had been, so I wouldn't think she would lie. Plus jeopardising her existing business and a new client relationship with you.

That being said your son obviously has no reason to be telling fibs, and if he is its normal child behaviour. But he should at least be able to recall seeing some Animals if did truly visit the zoo.

It's an awkward situation but I've got to admit I'm glued to seeing how this turns out, it genuinely could go either way!

MrsKCastle · 29/07/2016 00:27

mrsKCastle it might not be quite so accusatory but if I was the CM in this situation I'd still think 'why doesn't that mother just say what she thinks instead of making up some stupid cock and bull story?' Followed immediately by 'no wonder the child makes up stories if this is the example he's set.'

Fair enough. Can I ask this then, what would be the best way of handling it if your DC had told a lie, and you knew it was a complete lie? Because if my 5 year old did that, I'd genuinely want to say to them something along the lines of 'now you know that's not true, that's not what happened, telling lies is not right. I know you we're at the zoo, look here's a photo. Now, I'll ask again... What did you do that day?' Proof would make it easier to deal with a child telling lies or misunderstanding, and I wouldn't hesitate to ask for that if I completely believed the CM.

MrsKCastle · 29/07/2016 00:35

Actually, the more I think about it, there are 3 options: 1) CM lied 2) Child lied and 3) some kind of misunderstanding /misremembering. No 1 seems unlikely for all the reasons mentioned above, so why not go in and treat the situation as though it's 2 or 3. If I was the CM and had nothing to hide I'd pull out photos or the visitor's guide and be happy to try and jog the child's memory, or work out where the 'museum' idea came from..

MistressDeeCee · 29/07/2016 01:18

He's 5 years old, if he went to the zoo he'd be absolutely full of it, all about the various animals he saw the funny things the animals did etc. Which child would spend a day at the zoo and NOT mention it at all? No zoo stories whatsoever?! Come on.

You already know your CM is lying OP, the thing is what you do about it. Id get rid. Whether slowly, subtley, whatever get rid of her, she's a liar and a pisstaker why bother concocting greatly elaborate stories in order to catch her out?

Im not thinking its "only" £21 here - she actively deceived you so as to keep money that wasn't hers. & then blatantly lied in your face. She's relying on you knowing now, but not confronting her. I wouldn't want someone like that around me. Not least because she's a dishonest liar. & a thief

Quietly make alternative childcare arrangements and then get rid

KoalaDownUnder · 29/07/2016 01:29

I'm finding this so odd because...he's five. Not two. Or three.

The five-year-olds of my experience are very articulate. They don't babble nonsensical stuff like a 3-year-old. And they certainly know what a zoo is.

If he can't, or won't, talk about the zoo, I can only think he didn't go there.

KoalaDownUnder · 29/07/2016 01:38

OP, just saw your post on page 15 (had missed it).

Why are you so worried about upsetting her? Honestly, it is a perfectly normal question. Unless you ask in an accusatory fashion, or start demanding receipts, I can't imagine she'll be offended. I wouldn't be, in her position.

I reckon you need to ask her in front of your son. Be upbeat and light about it:

'CM, it's the funniest thing, but Billy can't remember any of the animals he saw at the zoo the other day! He's told me nothing about your day out, bless him. There must have been something he liked...do you remember? Oh, did you see the dinosaur exhibit, that's meant to be brilliant!' Blah blah

I think the way that plays out will tell you everything.

MrBoot · 29/07/2016 01:40

I know a four and a half year old who can (seemingly) enjoy an action packed day, yet when she is going to bed and I ask her what she did that day, answers 'I don't remember'. If I probe and ask her what her favourite part of the day/outing was, she will always say the 'restaurant' and whatever treats she got. It is worth asking him what he ate on his trip, they tend to remember that!

TBH it is looking unlikely that he went to the zoo though.

mcdog · 29/07/2016 03:18

Any updates?

TheDonOfDons · 29/07/2016 03:59

Hmm from reading this I believe your son, but you know him better than anyone, is he likely to lie?

I'd like to know how this pans out

Janus · 29/07/2016 04:30

I am baffled! I would definitely drive past museum and ask ds if that's where he went the other day. If he says no, drive to zoo and ask the same. If he says no to that too then I have no idea!

leopardgecko · 29/07/2016 06:23

Until I became a foster carer I would have always believed the child. However, I have been astonished by the amount of detail a child of your son's age can put into something that is not true. Not exactly lying, but telling the story their way, ignoring the major things and yet fixating on the smaller ones. Quite recently we took the foster children to London for a week. Neither had been before and were so very excited. We had a whole week of seeing the sights/activities and they had a wonderful time. When they got back I was astonished that the only thing one child told his teacher and SW about the week was a trip to Tescos! On another occasion a child said he had just played in the garden all half term, omitting that we had been to the beach, the cinema and the zoo. More recently my grandson, told me in elaborate detail how mummy and daddy were getting married, because mummy had told him all about it, whereas my daughter had not mentioned it at all. On another occasion he told his mummy we had been to the toy shop and bought him a train, completely forgetting that we had been to the National Railway Musuem all day before briefly calling into the gift shop on the way out. Of course your son may be completely different to this, but my recent experience has taught me how this age group see things in a different way than we do. However, I hope things work out for the best and like others am fascinated in seeing how this turns out. Best wishes to you.

Lweji · 29/07/2016 07:51

So many people have told stories of hoe children lie or don't remember or tell key parts of their days, that it seems quite possible that the CM could lie and then blame the child.

I do think where extra costs are involved that refunds with proper receipts should be offered as standard.
Your bosses won't pay for business expenses without receipts.If my cleaner bought supplies, I'd expect her to come with a receipt.
It's normal business transactions.

EeksyPeeksy · 29/07/2016 08:06

Shamelessly place marking

Agadooo · 29/07/2016 08:16

I'm with Eeksy Blush

MakeJam · 29/07/2016 08:24

Sorry not read the whole thread.

Why not ask the other children if they enjoyed the zoo?

retainertrainer · 29/07/2016 08:31

If it was my 5 year old I'd believe him in this situation.

MrsAlexanderSkarsgard · 29/07/2016 08:34

.

ParisGellar · 29/07/2016 08:38

I've rtft and this is a shameless place mark as I'd like to know what happened! Intriguing. Hopefully there's a mix up and nothing weird happening.

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