Aibu or is dh

[redwinerequired]

Posted on chat but got no response so taking aibu plunge.

I get up at 6.30, get everything ready for kids for school, get them ready, 2 DC, one with adhd, need to leave about 8.15 to get youngest to childcare and then on to school for eldest. I need to be ready before she gets up, otherwise it's too difficult she just stops getting ready if one of us not around. DH gets up around 8 am, sorts himself out and leaves for work. He can't get up any earlier because he's tired. He doesn't see a problem as he "needs to rest". Possibly because he hasn't gone to bed until silly time in the morning.

My problem is

1, this means he goes into work later, which means he's home later, and children are in Childcare, albeit with family, for longer than they need to be.
2, I just don't think it's fair he gets a lie in every day! He also sleeps in at the weekend.
3, DH used to do school run, we had to swop because he got so stressed by it and DD was late to school which seriously annoyed me. I got a new job which enabled me to do school morning run. I expected him to be available in evenings, he agreed, but that hasn't happened. He does pick them up around 6, but he could pick up at 4.30 and they could have some down time at home.

Had huge argument this morning, he thinks there isn't a problem, I do. But aibu?

there are no consequences if he chooses not to.

So instead of making sure there are consequences to his actions ypu want to ask him nicely? Beg for him to do what he should already be doing? Plead that he take on 50% of the work load of the partnership? Then what? Reward him for being a wonderful person for doing his share?

Blunt......

Fuck that.... That's fucking stupid.

What he needs is for you to say fuck it and get up and go to work. Its his turn to sort the kids out this week. You might do it next week, you haven't decided yet.
Maybe ypu have ADHD too and now ypou don't understand basic simple daily things?

This is why men do it, because they can.
Because people minimise their actions and when they do do their share they're being 'wonderful and helpful'
Bollocks, they're doing their share. Are you a partner or a slave? A maid or am equal?

"So they think I'm causing all the grief when I'm tired and frustrated because he's not pulling his weight and they obviously don't see that just fun daddy being told off again by grumpy mummy. "

this is a very damaging dynamic. I know its hard but sometimes I think it is better if the children see that their dad isn't great at getting some stuff done, some stuff that impacts them. (nothing too major!) I haven't had a choice about some of this as I am out of the house for longer hours and when I'm not there, physically making things happen, some (small) things go wrong (because stbxP is lazy) and my dcs have learnt that though they love him, they trust me more.

Sounds harsh and I wouldn't have done it deliberately, but maybe something interesting in that for you.

"Cannot understand how these husbands turn into lazy idle twats as soon as they get married - surely there were some clues along the way."

Well sure but before you have children, you don't necessarily realise how hard is it going to be and how much it is going to matter whether someone actually does a fair share or not. Most women do more work than their partners (all told) and most just get on with it because they have been brought up seeing all other women doing it. Only when the crunch comes of demanding job + demanding household finances + children and their physical and emotional needs = no slack left, do women start complaining, because that;s when they just can't do it all any more.

I think the children are aware on some level. E.g. when he did the school run I did it once a week, DD told MIL that meant she would be on time.

Maudlin - you are right, he was always a bit lazy and never great at chores but it didn't have a massive impact before. I did complain and we had the same thing where he would improve for a bit, then fall back in to lazy habits. Finances were always an issue so I had to take over those when we got refused for a mortgage due to his debt/money management. We got a mortgage elsewhere but the potential impact of him being rubbish with money really scared me.