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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 12yo should know better?

81 replies

WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 26/07/2016 17:43

I cleaned the whole house this morning, for context.

DD (12) asked if she could do some painting. I said yes, but only in the garden and only if she cleared everything away afterwards. I left her to it and played Lego in the front room wth my 4yo DS for the rest of the afternoon.

I've just gone out to start dinner. Omfg. There is paint all over the patio. She had painted her entire forearms with green paint. Obviously tried to wash it off at some point and completely trashed the bathroom in the process, leaving a half filled painty bath and handprints everywhere. Still has green arms.

She's made 'goo' out of a whole bottle of washing up liquid, most of the salt, a tube of toothpaste and some glue. It's all over the patio table. We now don't have any washing up liquid, toothpaste or much table salt.

She's also papier mached a balloon which she has hung up to dry on the washing line with the clean clothes. There are torn bits of magazine all over the grass. Glue everywhere.

All the painting stuff is strewn around the garden.

I lost my shit and she is now sobbing and petulantly clearing up. She has been incredibly rude to me and DH about the whole thing. I will have to clean the kitchen floor again as she's been in and out with wet bare feet and it's disgusting.

I seriously can't do six more weeks of this shit. AIBU to think by now she should know better? I'd expect this sort of behaviour from a 4yo, not a nearly teen. She'll be in yr8 in September ffs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
antiqueroadhoe · 26/07/2016 18:04

Don't you dare clean anything up yourself!!

Original poster
WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 26/07/2016 18:05

She's not particularly young for her age. Apart from when she dies stupid shit like this.

A few months ago she used my entire sixty quid bottle of cleanser in an afternoon. She has form.

OP posts:
AliceTheCamelHasNoHumps · 26/07/2016 18:06

Its hard, and I understand, and wasn't trying to be critical. In no way whatsoever am I the perfect parent, I get cross, leave them to it sit on MN ignoring them Just maybe be a bit more aware that she needs your attention. And definitely get her to help clear it up!

MrsMac2014 · 26/07/2016 18:06

Hiya,
At least she's capable of keeping herself occupied Shock I'd rather she be doing that that being on a gadget.
She should be able to tidy up after herself though and a reminder about not wasting toothpaste or washing up liquid... or she will be paying to replace it herself. I like a bit of messy play. Get everyone involved.

cosmicglittergirl · 26/07/2016 18:07

Can't believe people are saying its your fault for not checking on her, for goodness sake. What she did was old fashioned naughtiness.

TheScottishPlay · 26/07/2016 18:09

I think my DS, also 12 is capable of causing this carnage. His friends and him have just made toasties with an eye cast over them by me and the kitchen counter and floor is a sight to behold. They are cleaning it like pros though.
I think a lot is expected of 11 and 12 year olds on here.

OnionKnight · 26/07/2016 18:10

I'd have gone batshit, she's 12 not 3!

calamityjam · 26/07/2016 18:11

12 year olds don't need to be constantly supervised nor do they need the constant helicopter parenting that some people feel that they do. She took the piss op. she deserved a bollocking and is now sulking because she can see that the clean up is going to be a massive pain in the arse. Kids get bored easily in the holidays therefore they piss about and don't think properly. I have a 13 year old dd and if she did this I would go mad and she would have to clear it up. However, this type of behaviour is very typical of my 8 year old ds who needs to have a close eye on him most of the time as he can cause havoc in a padded cell that child.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 26/07/2016 18:12

I agree with you a 12 year old shouldn't need supervision. She's 12!

I'd be fuming too. She's not in a classroom potentially being egged on by classmates, she was alone in the garden.

BlackeyedSusan · 26/07/2016 18:13

also would have gone batshit crazy.

glad she is cleaning it up. ya so nbu

she has to pay for replacements as well.

but I am the meanest mother in the world.

lljkk · 26/07/2016 18:14

Sorry OP, that made me laugh. It's not at all beyond what my 12yo DD could have done. Daft bint. Obviously I can laugh because it's not my mess to deal with.

Something about the frontal cortex, where sensible decisions are made, it gets almost disconnected when they enter the teen years. My DS is 12 but just barely 12yo so he hasn't started the Big Disconnect, yet.

calamityjam · 26/07/2016 18:14

Blackeyedsusan, I was under the impression that I was the meanest mum in the world, according to my ds.

blindsider · 26/07/2016 18:15

The bad news is that their airheadedness only gets worse Sad

BlackeyedSusan · 26/07/2016 18:18

I know of a supposedly responsible adult youth leader who got paint all over the rented offices. (kitchen sink and worksurfaces, both toilet basins)

reading the riot act now may help with the looking after self/cleaning up after self learning for adult life

BlackeyedSusan · 26/07/2016 18:19

happy to share that title calamity

StrumpersPlunkett · 26/07/2016 18:20

I think yabu she checked you said yes. You checked on her she was fine you must have heard her coming in and out of the house. Did you or check what she was up to?
It sounds like she has been fabulously creative doing non screen related non dangerous stuff.
Relax a little. Honestly!!

Original poster
WibblyWobblyJellyHead · 26/07/2016 18:20

Well I've calmed down a bit now and she's mostly tidied up.

Let's see what joys tomorrow brings.

OP posts:
DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/07/2016 18:23

Meh, it's some paint, it's washable, isn't it? I wouldn't go bat shit. She's cleaning it up now, isn't she?

She sounds very creativeGrin

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 26/07/2016 18:23

Seriously people wouldn't leave a 12 year old to paint without guidance? Really?

Of course all children are different etc. but as a basic rule for the average 12 year old that seems beyond ridiculous babying.

DD has been allowed to paint in her room (its a massive hobby of hers, she has water paints and oils) since she was 9 - she has a waterproof sheet she puts down first.

She's probably more messy and disorganized and ditzy than most of her friends but she manages to do this, produce rather lovely pictures (or sometimes slightly alarming freaky ones) and clean up after herself.

My 5 yo might make similar mess to that which the OP describes - as she says it is what you would expect of a much younger child unless the child has known difficulties (in which case you would supervise more closely).

TwoLittleBlooms · 26/07/2016 18:38

I haven't read the whole thread just your opening post but that could be my child. She is 13 (14 in three months) and that whole create a mess, paint the arms, mix gloops and gunges with toothpaste etc (In fact she has just used the my conditioner and some cornflour to make a squeezy, gooey ball thing). I get so frustrated with it - the mess rather than the playing. If they would only clean up!! I sometimes have to remind myself that she is still a child at this age with regard the experimenting and mess creating!

allowlsthinkalot · 26/07/2016 18:40

I'd just be pleased that a 12 year old was being so creative, getting enjoyment from such things, occupying themselves in a productive way and not staring at their phone tbh. I find your post really sad.

But yes, I'd tell her to come and clean up after herself. Twenty minutes and it would be fine.

She has just enjoyed creating something, was probably really happy and you pissed on her chips. So instead of remembering a happy afternoon being a child she's going to remember that the mess was more important to you.

SewSlapdash · 26/07/2016 18:43

For context, I was given a soldering iron for jewellery making for my 12th birthday and left to get on with it in a (wooden) shed. I'm slightly incredulous at the idea that you would need to check on her at ALL while painting. YANBU.

CatNip2 · 26/07/2016 18:44

I would want to go bananas but as a mother of 19 year old university student who thought it a good idea to leave a can of pop on the window sill with an MacBook Air on the bed underneath and a cat in the room just on Sunday, I would say can I swap your 12 year old for my 19 year old?

Maybe the patio and bathroom can be repaired? Unfortunately the hugely expensive laptop cannot.

limitedperiodonly · 26/07/2016 18:46

I'm glad to read that you've calmed down now. She's been very annoying but it's normal behaviour for a 12 year old.

I hope she hasn't caused any permanent damage but if she has I also hope you'd agree that it was unintentional.

For any future painting projects I'd agree it should be outside, put plenty of newspaper down first and make sure she has all her materials at the ready, including rags and water to clean hands and feet, so she doesn't tramp green footprints all over the house.

Petal40 · 26/07/2016 18:47

Wow...my 6 yr old knows not to do that ...he has his own painting craft area which he gets out and uses when he likes ,and packs cleanly away when he dosnt....just wow....now if you had said she was two I'd of understood