AIBU?

[Amy214]

I booked dds men b vaccine appointment in a boots pharmacy. Its not local so i have to drive about an hour to get there (which is fine i would prefer it if dd was protected) dd is 2 and is ok with short journeys but she hates long journeys (think she gets bored even with toys etc..) so i asked dm if she could come just to keep dd entertained (so i could focus on getting us there, i don't really know how to get there so will be using sat nav) she normally looks after my brothers children but he agreed to look into alternative childcare or take a day off, he wasn't angry, he understood. I told dm that all day parking is only £4 so we could go out for the day, i'll treat her to some lunch, shopping etc.. I'm really looking forward to it, it'll be nice to get away and go somewhere we haven't been before. But today dm was trying to convince my other db to go with me (but thats the day he has his teenage children and he doesn't see them very often) so i said 'no its fine your coming with me it will be ok' but she looked unhappy about an hour ago i noticed she still seemed unhappy and angry so i asked her if she was ok and she told me to go myself and that i need to learn how to do things by myself. This is the first time i've asked her to come on a long journey and we're going to be on a motorway the whole time and i don't want to suddenly get distracted and have an accident. Any other long journey has been on quiet roads so i have coped because there is normally places to pullover so i can calm dd down. I was quite hurt by this and i thought she was ok with it and that she wanted to come (she wanted to buy new glasses as the other ones have broken, she also looked really excited and df told her to spoil herself) i think my db has been moaning at her today about taking the day off and probably telling her not to go so she can look after the children, she looks after them 7 days a week so she deserves a break (he told me it was fine) what should i do? Talk to dm about the day out or attempt to make the journey on my own? I want her to come so she can have a nice girly day out and treat herself to something nice but i think she's been guilt tripped by db.

You need to get your child used to sitting in the car without someone there with her, she really shouldn't need that.

Poor DM, sounds like you're pretending that the trip was a nice day out for her but clearly it was just for some child entertaining.

Find places to visit that require motorway journeys to get more used to it. They really aren't a bit deal, they're like big duel carriageways really, don't overthink them!

Could your mum have brought your DB kids if there was room in the car? That would take care of that issue. (Although if she doesn't want to come, she doesn't want to come)!

I do think you need to be more confident driving though, you can't expect family to have to accompany you on basic journeys forever.

Bloody hell! There is no need for some of the spiteful responses on here.

You can think the OP is wrong, you can tell the OP she is wrong if that's what you think. But would you really be that nasty in real life?

Doubt it.

If I were her mum I would be happy to go. I also don't like driving on motorways. Not everyone does. And not all children sleep in the back of cars.

Wow some harsh comments! I know it can be hard to follow a sat nav in a strange place on your own especially if dd is either chattering or kicking up. Would you be able to maybe do a dry run before the day in case DM doesn't come? Know it's not exactly economical but you would know where to go with no time pressure

Your mum sounds like she's being used left, right and centre. What would you all do if she wasn't around? She needs to say no a bit more often.
Did you ask any local GP surgeries to vaccinate your DD? Many practices will do it for payment. What you've saved on parking you've probably spent on extra petrol too.

Farmmummy has a great idea, also if your apt is in the afternoon, then go earlier, avoid rush hour and remember if you miss the turning there'll be another one after, turn around and go back

You can do this!

(as for nutellas comment, I recognise it is hugely frustrating to see people in this day and age who don't have motorway (&life) confidence, but your comments were harsh and unnecessary)

I would just like to add for all the people who think im lazy, that i do not rely on dm for childcare, she does not look after my dd on a daily basis only dbs children. I have driven on a motorway i just can't get used to it no matter how much i force myself to do it. It really stresses me out and i don't want to be the one thats caused an accident. Even if my dd falls asleep in the car shes awake seconds later.

Nanny0gg at least theres one person who would be happy to come with me.

YABU. Just go for it on your own, I really find it less stressful relying on other people to get shit done.

What makes you think you will cause an accident?

Farmmummy its next monday so i do have time to do a dry run this weekend. I was leaving at 9am so i could relax and take my time. I will think positive thoughts and maybe take some gum to help my nerves (helped me during tests and other things so i don't see why it shouldn't work for this)

Completely agree with gazelda

YABU. But some of these responses are way too harsh.
As long as you know when to exit the motorway you'll be fine. Exit and find a spot to pull in / over. Doesn't matter where (within reason of course ). Pub car park, housing estate, whatever's safe. Check the kids are ok, have a breath and a drink and have a look at the satnav. Crack on again. If you get lost in town, so fuck. Pull over, compose and go again. Just leave yourself plenty of time - better to be an hour early than a minute late .

Oh dear Amy214 I do feel for your DM having to do so much childcare. How many DGCs does she have to look after? I think it is a shame that your DM has changed her mind and your DB has had a change of heart. But I would put your big girl pants on show'em!!! I am horribly older than you but by your age I was driving between Manchester and London on the motorway in an old mini! As for your DD, she needs to learn that sometimes she will be bored... If possible find a singalong cd for the journey and sing along rather than stopping if she is getting fractious... She's not a tiny newborn anymore and you need to show a bit of tough love (& make sure she hasn't napped beforehand either of course). Of course say to your DM that you are sad she doesn't want to go on a girly day out but that you can cope on your own and perhaps you can do something similar another day... On a weekend when your cheeky DB doesn't have any work excuses for looking after his own DCs! Yes there is unreasonable behaviour in what has occurred but now is your opportunity to be the bigger better person and rise above them all. Go Girl!! You can do it!!

Nicknacky because i get very stressed out and nervous
Bloodymaria im going to try the journey this weekend! Whats wrong with asking for some help when you need it?

Then you need to work on those nerves. Motorway driving isn't necessarily any more dangerous than country or town driving. If anything, it's safer as everyone is going the same direction! It's just that the consequences can be obviously serious.

You can do it and you will surprise yourself.

I don't think you're lazy, or a user, and I don't think you're anywhere near as bad as your brother by the sounds of it. But you do seem a bit reliant on her to be the grown-up. Is it really just motorway driving, or are you like this at other times too?

And it's not even a case of her saying "No" a bit more as a PP has suggested, because she did say no and you won't accept it quietly. Instead you've convinced yourself that it's actually you doing her a favour, and that it must be your brother's fault if she doesn't fancy yet another day out with one of her grandchildren in tow.

You can't stop your brother being a massive burden on her for childcare, but you can stop yourself joining in and making it worse for her.

Why not ask her what she'd like to do? Does she ever get a say in how her week plays out?

kurlique i've never seen any reason to drive on the motorway as everything i could ever need is nearby. She looks after 2 under 5s. I have asked her so many times to come shopping in the city (when the trains weren't on strike) but she always cancels last minute because of db

Mrssmith79 i am having a trial run this weekend to give me a rough idea of where to turn off, where service stations are etc...

I really sympathise as I'm also a nervous driver. However, in this case I think you're right to do your test run, plan your journey, pit on a Disney cd/audio story to entertain dd and go for it yourself. I'm sure your dm feels stuck in the middle of you and your db's needs, and while I think your db is being selfish the only way you can make it easier for her just now is by letting her know she doesn't have to worry about you. However I would be having words with your brother about giving her a break!

SaucyJack no its just motorway driving and this is the first time i've asked her for help. I avoid asking my parents for anything. Db asks them for a lot (i personally think he takes the piss) which is why i don't ask for anything, including child care. She was really looking forward to it and wanted to buy new glasses. I asked her if she wanted to come 3 days ago and she agreed. She seen db today and changed her mind. She wants to go into the city when the festivals on next month so we're getting a train in and hopefully getting a glass of and a picnic in the gardens.

Ffs people! She invited her mum along because she didn't feel great about trying to concentrate on driving on a motorway, with a potential tantrum distracting her from very fast moving traffic, knobhead other drivers and nowhere to pull over. Motorways are hell for some people, you have to have eyes up your arse at the best of times. I know I can't drive on a motorway with screaming kids distracting me. Mum was happy to do it at the time and they were planning on making a day of it until her brother chucked a wobbly about not having 24/7 free childcare. Am I on track so far, op?

My mum would do me this favour in a heartbeat especially if it meant a day of shopping for her afterwards and it would make op's life much easier. If she didn't want to, she should have said no to start with instead of messing op about. How is asking your mum for some help not being a proper adult?

ODFO nutella, so glad you're not my mother. I really think you're all being proper tits tbh.

You really need to learn to stand on your own two feet, not least because relying on other people always runs the risk that they'll have to let you down.

You might think your mum has your bother's children too much but that is their arrangement and is none of your business.

I think it's insanely unreasonable to expect someone to take a day off work so his childcare provider can entertain a child on an hour long car journey. Can't you see that's madness???

Pillowaddict she loves frozen (and so do i!) i will pop into the music shop nearby and look for the soundtrack, im sure listening to her singing let it go will help me! 😀

His unpaid childcare provider, who had other plans that she was perfectly happy with 3 days ago, you mean, walter? I think the brother is the one who needs to stand on his own two feet, personally and while he's at it, man up and stop messing people about. I don't think she is ur to be annoyed at this.

Whats wrong with asking for some help when you need it?

nothing, but why would you need help taking your own child on a 1-2 hour journey by bus, train or car?

That just sounds totally unreasonable.

StarryIllusion i'm glad someone knows where i'm coming from and has the same idea as me.

Waltermittythesequel they have other childcare available but they choose not to use it. They have 3 sets of grandparents that don't work. So no i don't think its fair that my dm has to do it all. I did try and get them to consider swapping it around e.g dm has them mon - weds, someone else had them thurs/fri and the other sat/sun but they wouldn't entertain the idea as that means they would have to drive slightly further (2 minutes) dm is the one that lives the closest to them so its easier for them. He said he would look into alternative childcare and if he had to he would take the day off, if he had a problem with it he should have said no.