So I want to know of I am being unreasonable to not send DD to sleepover at her friends house again and if so what should I say to the parents.
DD (10) has 2 friends. DD and Friend A have been best friends for years and slept over at each other's houses since about 8 years old.
Friend B moved to the school at the beginning of this year and has become friends with the girls. Bs parents have taken the girls to the cinema a couple of times but they haven't been on a day out etc before so they haven't spent much time with Bs parents. But B has had a few days out and sleepovers with us.
So B invited the girls for a sleepover the other day. So Bs mum picked up DD and friend A on Thursday. DD says that Bs mum said to the girls that they had to be extra nice to B because they had lost a family pet. DD said she was sorry to here that and she knows how B is feeling if she wants to talk as we have recently lost a pet. Bs mum said that was different as DD has siblings and B is an only so she will be sadder. DD is shy particularly around adults so she just said oh ok and let it slide.
The parents wanted to order food from a take away but we don't usually eat that particular cuisine as DD doesn't really like it. So she text me to ask what she might like. I replied and DD ordered it. But when it came the parents split all the food that everyone had ordered so everyone had a bit of everything. DD asked if she could just have what she likes. Parents said no as this is how they do it. DD said that she asked what they were having and they wouldn't tell her what it is and just kept using racist nicknames for the food as that is what the family calls them. DD didn't like a lot of it and said the portion was massive but tried to eat as much as possible. She left a bit as did A and the parents kept rolling there eyes and tutting at them.
The girls were then sent to bed at 9 as they were getting up early and told not to talk. DD and A were a bit put out as usually on sleepovers they stay up a bit later. B went to sleep straight away. DD and A were texting each other with their phones on silent. They heard the dad come at about 9:20 and DD managed to hide her phone but A was a bit slow. The dad really shouted at A and told her she was awful and disrespectful until A started crying and then he told her not to be a baby and left.
That morning the parents insisted that each girl have a shower and they had to watch a certain tv programme then complained that they were taking too long.
When they got out for lunch the DCs were only allowed a kids meal which had a sticker on them that said 8 and under. When they sat at the table the dad said A and DD had to pay for their meals now. We had given DD money just in case so she payed but A had only bought a couple of pound and as it was a big tourist attraction she couldn't afford it. The parents kept saying that they wouldn't carry on with the trip without the money and B was getting upset and then the parents were getting angry because B was upset. So in the end DD payed for the rest of As meal.
On the way home the mum was quizzing the girls about activities outside of school and comparing it to what she does with B. She asked A if her mum took her swimming and A said no because her mum says that she looks like a seal in her costume and she would scare the other swimmers. A then laughed as did DD. The mum shouted you had better not be laughing B. B said that she wasn't. The mum said good because it wasn't funny and she would be grounded if she laughed. A said sorry it was just a joke her mum says. The mum ignored her and then changed the subject.
Apparently as well as all that the parents were really spoiling B and B was playing up to it. They were insisting that B won every game and when she didn't win they were told they couldn't play it anymore.
DD has come home and said she doesn't want to go there again. She is happy for B to come here but she doesn't like Bs parents and doesn't want to spend time with them.
As mum has text me saying that her DD has given her the same story and she wanted to check that they were both telling the truth as A doesn't want to go there again and her mum doesn't want her to go there anyway.
So would I be unreasonable not to send DD there again. And if they offer and she doesn't want to go should I be honest and tell them that we aren't comfortable with them or should we just lie or make excuses.