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Original poster

WWYD re damage to neighbours property

55 replies

lalalalyra · 22/07/2016 23:33

3 boys - 13, 11 & 8 have damaged something belonging to one of my neighbours. It was accidental, but careless (they were playing with a ball where they shouldn't have been).

Two boys were playing with the ball. One was watching, but egging them on so all three equally culpable (well imo - mine was the one sat on the wall).

All three apologised to neighbour and fessed up. It will cost £60ish to replace the item so we (the three parents) had agreed to split it three ways between the boys. Each parent obviously then to decide how to deal with their child themselves.

Parent 1 has now decided that she'll punish her DS, but won't pay (she doesn't like the neighbour - I feel this is completely irrelevant). She says if neighbour has precious things in stupid places (which to be fair it is as neighbour herself says she has broken it with her car at least 4 times this year already) then they'll get damaged and neighbour said, out of earshot of the boys, not to bother replacing it.

Parent 2 has suggested that they and I split the cost 2 ways. I'm torn. It's really unfair on neighbour if they don't get full replacement value, but I'm really reluctant to make DS pay extra when his friend is paying nothing and I don't really want to cover Parent 1's stingyness out of my own pocket, but that feels petty over £10.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Duck90 · 23/07/2016 00:54

Bogeyface - the thread is only one page long!

Bogeyface · 23/07/2016 01:12

I know but I needed a wee and was then going to bed

But I had the wee and then didnt go to bed anyway :o

Duck90 · 23/07/2016 01:19

bogeyface - that makes sense. Smile

Original poster
lalalalyra · 23/07/2016 01:20

It was a replacement. I think she's mad to keep replacing it, it's too fragile, but it's her drive, garden and cash so it's up to her

I think the ball was kicked a lot harder than was said. I'm just bloody glad it didn't hit her car! Fuck knows what the damage would have been

OP posts:
whatamockerywemake · 23/07/2016 01:24

I'm agreeing with PPs - you pay for your share only. It doesn't sound like a lot of money.

Has your DC apologised? I think that's key as well. Either in person or a card.

How you discipline is up to you, and whether or not other parties pay is up to them.

kali110 · 23/07/2016 01:27

I think you're doing the right thing op, teaching your son actions have consequences.
Think it was really good of them to go and own up straight away though! Takes a lot of courage.

Original poster
lalalalyra · 23/07/2016 01:35

whatamockery The boys knocked in neighbours door when it happened to tell her and apologised. He'll apologise again when he takes the money round I think (well I'll be disappointed if he doesn't - I'm sure he will).

kali I did tell him before bed I was proud of him that he'd owned up and accepted his part even though he didn't actually kick the ball. He's a good kid really, I just think it needs seriously nipped in the bud given its the first bloody day of the holidays. By the time we are back holidays the other kids will be back and the younger kids/older kids split will mean he's in a different group which I'm not unhappy about

I posted in a thread about kids playing in the street earlier as well. How they should be allowed to have fun. It's like some sort of neighbourly karma!

OP posts:
Duck90 · 23/07/2016 01:37

Her car has crushed a planter 4 times, sounds like the car is quite fine to me. Drama drama, your neighbour isn't fusssed just pay the third.

MidniteScribbler · 23/07/2016 04:34

Pay the third, directly to the neighbour. Leave the other parties to sort it out with her themselves.

BillSykesDog · 23/07/2016 05:10

The neighbour has said not to bother. She's broken it 4 times herself and has probably given it up as a bad job. Get your son to buy her some flowers and a sorry card and take that round.

APlaceOnTheCouch · 23/07/2016 05:34

I would pay half because I think there are a few different lessons to be learned - where and how you play but also who you play with. I think learning how to choose friends with the same values is important and realising that a 'friend' may leave you to take the blame/pay more is quite an important lesson to learn too. And as a PP said, there is no reason for the owner to be out of pocket.

LyndaNotLinda · 23/07/2016 06:25

I would pay your third as agreed with the other parents. The fact that parent one has decided to be a bit of a shit about it is not your problem.

It's an important lesson to learn that if you break something, you pay. My neighbour's kid broke my planter (also cost £60 funnily enough) and I didn't mention it to his parents because I knew they didn't have much cash. But then he bragged about it at school to DS and I wish I'd said something now

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 23/07/2016 06:29

OP, I think you have an excellent attitude and are teaching your son a valuable lesson.

I would pay 1/3 of the cost and explain to your neighbour that one of the parents is refusing to pay. You are right that it's not fair in your neighbour to chase after the money, but it's not fair on you either.

Hope the remainder of the holidays are less eventful!

flumpybear · 23/07/2016 06:50

I'd pay 20 and tell DS to deliver it and apologise and I'd also say that if they other neighbour doesn't pay up then I'd tell her I'd pay the extra 10 - but the other child's mum is being the difficult one - they should offer to pay the replacement IMO

Fairylea · 23/07/2016 07:03

I would pay the £20 and make it clear it's your share of the third. I would also get my son to give it to the neighbour with a card / note saying sorry. I think that is more important than the extra tenner to cover someone else.

RaspberryPi1 · 23/07/2016 07:37

Why should the neighbour be out of pocket? It is a shame about neighbour 1, essentially they are costing you an extra tenner, but the damage should be covered.

Penfold007 · 23/07/2016 07:41

The boys realised they had done wrong, owned up and apologised. The neighbour has accepted the apology, said no replacement necessary and admitted the planter has been damaged by her hitting with her own car four times.
Personally I'd accept that and I'd buy (he would contribute from his piggy bank) my neighbour something like bottle of wine, flowers or plant for the garden then let my son take that round. What the other parents do is up to them.

bleedingnora · 23/07/2016 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SemiNormal · 23/07/2016 08:23

I would pay the third of it but not a penny more. I would also get my son to make a 'sorry' card and take it around to neighbour. Then I would ask neighbour if they had any, age appropriate, chores that your son could do for neighbour ie raking up leaves, posting a letter, washing the neighbours car etc (wouldn't have your son slaving away for hours on end but something that would take an hour or two).

MidniteScribbler · 23/07/2016 11:50

I will add, that this would be a once off payment from me though (the 1/3). If the planter is in a place that is so easily damaged either from boys ball accidentally hitting it, and from her own car, then I'd expect her to make better choices about where she situated the replacement planter. She can't keep getting new planters paid for if she keeps putting them in stupid places.

george1020 · 23/07/2016 14:01

Well done OP for installing a good attitude in your DS.

I think you are doing the right thing and it's then up to the other parents to pay their share, maybe a small/hand picked bunch of flowers from son as well?

Boysnme · 23/07/2016 14:22

I think you are right to just pay your share. I get the neighbour shouldn't be out of pocket on it but that's not your responsibility and it sounds like she isn't that concerned anyway. It's a bit rubbish of the other parent though just to say they aren't paying.

Nanny0gg · 23/07/2016 14:38

I will add, that this would be a once off payment from me though (the 1/3). If the planter is in a place that is so easily damaged either from boys ball accidentally hitting it, and from her own car, then I'd expect her to make better choices about where she situated the replacement planter. She can't keep getting new planters paid for if she keeps putting them in stupid places.

If the 'stupid place' is in her own garden she can replace it as often as she likes without expecting outsiders to break it with a ball.

However, well done those children for immediately confessing and apologizing.

Arfarfanarf · 23/07/2016 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evrybuddy · 23/07/2016 15:43

The neighbour whose planter is broken should not be left out of pocket or be forced to pursue another neighbour for the cost of the broken planter.

She has every reasonable expectation to leave stuff in her garden and not have anybody break it.

The three parents of the boys carry collective responsibility for their actions in that they were all acting together in this.

The three of you should pay up the full replacement price of the planter - if one of you won't, then that becomes the responsibility of the other two.

It is not the planter owner's problem. If you two 'pals' can't get the money off her, then how is the neighbour who is disliked going to get the money off her?

You know this!

This is your problem - not hers.

You and your kids brought the problem to her - it is up to you to sort it out - not her.