AIBU to be upset with my MIL for using one of my photos as her FB profile without asking?

[NinaMama]

I send my family and my husband's regular photo updates of our kids. I am not friends with my MIL on FB but she has just sent me a friend request after taking a tender picture of my 3 kids and putting it as her profile picture without asking. Am fuming and I'm sure DH will not see the issue so can't bring it up with him. I've sent my MIL an email asking her to change it and offering to take one of her with the kids when she visits in a few weeks. AIBU to be so upset?

In fact, all of these I-don't-like-MIL-for-any-valid-reason-and-I-will-have-control threads should be banished into a cauldron somewhere where you can all froth and plot their downfall with like-minded creatures, together. Urgh.

I do't know if I'd apply this thread to the above with confidence as the OP has said very little and we're short on details, but overall YES to this!

There are some wicked, selfish dils out there.

Wow. Yabu and controlling saying you can't have that 'tender' picture, but is allowed to have one that you take of her with her grandchildren, in a few weeks!

Top and bottom of it is, you don't like your MIL and are looking for any opportunity to make her sound unreasonable, but I'm sorry, you are the unreasonable one in this scenario.

I'm ok with pictures of my kids on fb however neither my husband nor I ever have them as profile or cover photo as those are public. I would not want others to use as profile picture but would be happy to share on their wall.

This position makes sense. Disliking one photo of your kids and swapping it for another to be a profile pic, doesn't make sense to me.

As an aside, I get annoyed not fuming, lol when my MIL shares one of my pics of my girls. I've got my settings set so only friends can see my stuff, and have explained to MIL that even if she shares my stuff, still only people who are friends with me can see it. Yet, she repeatedly shares photos of my girls with some gushy "My beautiful girls, their [sic] so clever Mwah Mwah Mwah" and a row of soppy emoticons. I know IABU that this irrationally pisses me off, but additionally, she has now changed her settings to public to try and get around my privacy settings.

PrivatePike 'He gave her a tender look...' Shudder.

I think this is definitely more about your MIL than the picture, especially as you advise you are not friends with her on Facebook, that speaks volumes!
Obviously I don't know any background to this but emailing her and asking her to change it will not make matters any better. They are her children and she wants to show them off to people.
If you have issues with pics being on Facebook (like I do) then I would understand but it doesn't appear that you do.
I would reflect on this and understand what real issue is.

How about "He made love to her tenderly"

I still don't know what a tender picture is

**grandchildren - sorry

Just come on in my lunch break to see if we're any closer to knowing what a tender photo is.

Come back OP, we want need to knoooooooow!

You are being ridiculous. Your MIL obviously loves her grandchildren and that's why she's used the photo. What on earth are you angry about? Do you think some random is going to zoom in on the photo, then track down your dc? Bizarre. Your poor MIL.

'Tender photo'. Hmmm. Maybe the OP's children are much, much older than we have assumed and the MIL posted a Tinder photo of them. Some of those are a little 'revealing'..... In which case, OP is perfectly reasonable in being annoyed.

I don't think the OP is being unreasonable to ask anyone to take down pics of her children used without her permission including grannies unless they also have parental responsibility. I would stop sending photos if they might end up on social media.

I am not friends with my MIL on facebook, people use facebook in different ways. Some people don't want older relatives commenting on everything and feel it would change what they post. other people want extended families on it and post endless photos of their kids and cute kitten stuff.

I think you need to clarify a bit more OP.

From what you have said I think you have emailed the pictures and she has put one on Facebook and used it as a profile picture without your permission?

Officially I dont think she can do that as it is your picture. You took it and it is of your DCs. However lots of adoring grandparents do that and I think it all depends if you share pictures of your DCs on Facebook too.

If you do then you can't really be upset, but if you dont put your children on social media for the world to see then you are entitled to be upset.

I dont think its fair to have got the flaming you have got, but I do think more clarification is needed so we know if YABU or not.

Think it depends.
If you have NO pictures what so ever of your children on fb , then no she shouldn't be uploading pictures without asking you.

If you do have pictures on there, it sounds like you're being petty that maybe she uploaded it before you.

Aslong as the children are dressed in the photo what's the problem?

I need to know what a tender picture is!!
I'm sure it can't be a typo for tinder

But you are clearly being ridiculous as you have no problem with her having a photo of herself with your kids as her profile picture.

I've researched this on Google and I think a tender photo is one of those "loving moments" type-photos.

And I get the impression it's American terminology - so, cheesy in other words.

The terminology is cheesy, not necessarily the photo.

Are you actually for real?

Eh? What is the problem. She is obviously a proud grandma. I feel sorry for her.

OP isn't coming back is she?

I hope OP does, there is probably more to this story!