My husband just speaks and I want to put my fingers in my ears

[ilovetoloveyoubaby]

First off, I respect people's right to voicing their opinion but sometimes I wonder why people voice certain opinions.

I've just had a conversation that turned into a rather heated debate around people grieving.

His words were "people grieve for far too long for people"

I countered with the fact that I think it's a ridiculous statement and you cannot put a time limit on someone's grief. He conceded that grieving for a child is different but other wise people need to pull their socks up and get on with life. I'm now sitting watching television wondering what and who I married.

AIBU to think what he said is just plain strange and horrible.

Well
I'm sorry
But I would just assume people who said such things were callous and stupid.
there are many things in life as an individual that we may never experience - doesn't mean they dont exist or are not real
I find some peoples inability to understand that really really sad.

I'd actually feel sorry for OP's husband as if he was grief-stricken, he might well be one of those emotionally constipated people who'd actually have a harder time of it than many others. Plus, he's not got much emotional intelligence - and that can be a huge disadvantage in life.

I had a childhood of Dickensian style gothic horror. One year, I lost my only living grandparent (who was living with us), my mother, and my beloved godfather who I adored like a grandad. I found the best way to cope with grief was actually making it overt and talking about the dead person. Rather than being a sign you're not coming to terms with grief, that's actually a way of processing and working through it. Yet we live in a culture that holds death as the last great taboo.

A very close, very dear friend of mine died last year (in her 50s) and a year on, I'm still struggling to come to terms with it and miss her every day. It makes me happy to talk about her to others who knew her. Never occurred to me that to others, talking of the dead is a sign of not coming to terms with it -as it's the only way, ultimately, you can, in my experience.

My friend knew she was dying, and often we talked very openly of it - possibly more openly with me than many others who loved her, because she knew about my childhood and that I'd know how it was going to feel, for her kids. She was always comfortable discussing her impending death but I know some people found that harder to deal with, than others. The fact someone maintains a silence about the dearly departed, doesn't mean they have coped or have moved on, though. It often means the opposite.

I agree Joffrey
I'm very sorry for all your losses x