To take DS to the loo if he wakes up for it in the night?

[AthletesFoot]

Ds is 5 years old, and on the rare occasion he wakes up in the night to go to the loo, he calls out to me and I get up and help.

Last night, I was in spare room and didn't hear ds saying he needed the loo. Dh said that ds is too clingy to me and needs to learn to go himself. He awoke at 5am that night needing to go so it was daylight DH told him to get up and go himself so ds was calling for me.

I disagree-when a child asks their parent for help, you help! Or Aibu?

What age did your dc go to the loo in the night independently?

Perhaps one of the issues when parents want to be there for their children in a way that includes taking them to the toilet in a known family home where the outside doors have been locked, is what happens when they get to the age of sleepovers and school residentials.

It's not great if they refuse these activities and not great if they wet beds, because they will not go and find the loo.

I'm not arguing for harshness, just sensible encouragement and perhaps a glow plug or too. (Hate the waste and pollution of main lights being left on at night.)

Probably an idea to limit late night drinks too...

The problem with people saying that 5 is old enough for x, y or z is that all children are individuals. Also, the argument that a child must be ready to do x, y or z at a certain age because they will need to do this at a slightly older age does not take into account the nature of children, who are in a state of continuous development. Finally, yes, we help our children to be ready for things which they need to do, but we cannot do that until they have shown that they are ready to get ready, iyswim. It comes from tem, not from us. Withdrawing support in order to make a child ready for something I feel is the wrong way round, we cqan support a child to make a change but only when they are ready. And really, no-one ever died from getting out of bed to take their child to the toilet!

ahem, from them, not tem, obvs

I got very seriously sleep deprived when I had a teething baby and two bedwetting stepchildren one of who woke us up in the night. My husband and I got the stepchild who woke when her bed was wet to strip her bed and climb into a sleeping bag.

I was getting ragged from lack of sleep.

It's a kind of dialogue. And I think there are times when the parent has to lead. For the sake of sanity.

My 5 year old has fairly recently grown out of bedwetting. If I hear him stir in the night I tend to go and make him get up and go for a wee, once I've got him up and told him to go he can usually manage it unaided, i don't have to take him to the bathroom.

If he asked me to take him in the night I'd probably go into his room, get him out of bed, and send him on his way. I do tend to hang around and wait till he's done so i can tuck him in and give him a quick kiss/cuddle so he's settled though.

I agree with yellowutcha. OP you are going to have a variety of views here, but this is a decision you need to make based on the needs of your child and the views of yourself and your husband. I was raised in a way that demanded early independence, my parents still pride themselves on that. In some ways it worked, in other, more subtle, emotional ways, it did not. You know your own child, listen to them.

Of course you have to do what is right for you and your situation, but what I mean is that there is no reason why it is wrong or 'soft' to help a child when they need it, and that arguments about age really miss the point.

I agree with the depends on the child. My D's rarely woke for a wee so if I heard him on toilet would check OK.. Now 9 I don't get up when I hear him unless he is not well. I think it is about training him to next steps

We had a chat with our four year old and said didn't have to tell mummy if he needed a wee in the night, he could just go. He does tend to come in bed with us after but it is normally 5,30ish anyway. He just needed to be told/given permission. If he calls for me though, of course I go!!

Everyone is saying what they do because that's what the op asked.

What age did your dc go to the loo in the night independently?

Of course there may be other issues the op hasn't mentioned. But you can only go on what she has written. And since she hasn't come back, to add detail, everyone is going off the op.

and she also said when a child asks their parent for help, you help! Or Aibu?

Anyone can only answer these based on their own experiences. I completely disagree that you help a child every time they ask. As I said, if I did that Ds would never do anything for himself. He would happily let me do everything instead.

My five year old goes by himself, no night light, no step... that said if he needed those things I'd supply them. I wouldn't get up with him though!

mine still came into my bedroom (they had to go past the bathroom to get to my bedroom) to say 'mummy I need the loo', then I got up, they went and then I tucked them back into bed.
To be honest, I think it was the tucking back in they wanted.

I think it was probably around 5 that I started to say, you don't need me, you can just go, and get into bed, and they started to do that, unless they had had a bad dream etc.

We have a night light in the hallway, so they can always see.

He's 5! It's dark, of course it's not unreasonable to see he's ok. I still call out to my 14 year old if I hear her in the night (just to make sure she's not ill, I don't actually get up and accompany her...)

It's dark, of course it's not unreasonable to see he's ok.

it not dark in the UK at 5am at the moment.

If it's just the dark and reaching the taps that's an issue then I think leaving the bathroom light on and getting a step for by the sink could help him become more independent. If hes nervous about going on his own then I would still go with him but I think you should be trying to encourage independence rather than him needing to rely on you for practicalities iyswim. Maybe try leaving the light on and getting a step and let him know that he's allowed to go on his own now he's bigger and see what he says?

We get up with DD for the loo. In the early morning we are mostly up anyway (5am this morning). But at night she's basically acting 'drunk' stumbling around and there are stairs. So we take her. She would fall back to sleep on the toilet if she could.

And yes, we wash our hands. And I wash my sheets when I remember less often than the majority of MN so I thought I was a minger.

My DD was scared to get up in the dark. We couldn't sleep with the landing light on. She wouldn't call for us but sometimes wet the bed when she fell back to sleep.We got a 'Moonlight' from Amazon. It's a plug in that gives off a low green light, enough to find your way but doesn't light up a room. it costs less than 1p a day to run. It worked for her. good luck.

www.amazon.co.uk/Haversack-Moonlight-energy-saving-nightlight/dp/B000LQ1O94

Thank you all for your replies, it is really interesting knowing what other people's children do in this instance and has led me to believe that perhaps I need to train ds to use a torch or get the nightlight if he needs to go in the night (unless he is upset of course).

I think I do baby him, for example - he asks me to wipe his bottom at home but he does this on his own at school. I need to encourage his independence for sure.

Mine was taking himself at night from 4 onwards. We leave the bathroom light on, and shut the upper stairgate at night (in case of sleepy confusion). I'd have thought if he goes by himself in the daytime eg at school, he could go by himself at night?