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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take DS to the loo if he wakes up for it in the night?

70 replies

AthletesFoot · 20/07/2016 08:25

Ds is 5 years old, and on the rare occasion he wakes up in the night to go to the loo, he calls out to me and I get up and help.

Last night, I was in spare room and didn't hear ds saying he needed the loo. Dh said that ds is too clingy to me and needs to learn to go himself. He awoke at 5am that night needing to go so it was daylight DH told him to get up and go himself so ds was calling for me.

I disagree-when a child asks their parent for help, you help! Or Aibu?

What age did your dc go to the loo in the night independently?

OP posts:
Loulou2kent · 20/07/2016 09:17

Ds5 just goes by himself. Always has. I guess it's what the child's used to. We do leave the hall light on though & shut all bedroom doors, so he's happy to wonder to the toilet alone. I imagine if he knows no better then he's just doing what he thinks he should. Maybe speak to him about how no he's a big boy he can go by himself if he wants to. It may be quicker etc. I guess it's up to you.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 20/07/2016 09:17

Dark. Get up and help him.

Light, he can go himself and use a step.

Brightnorthernlights · 20/07/2016 09:20

I think the question you need to ask is, at what age do you think your child should be able to go to the toilet independently?

Also, no actually I don't always rush in if my children ask for help, otherwise they would have become pretty lazy and I would have delayed their ability to do things for themselves, which as I see it, is a big part of my role as their parent.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/07/2016 09:22

We have sensor lights in our bathrooms (cheap battery operated ones)
They only come on if it's dark, they sense movement, and they stay on for a variable amount of time. The brightness is also variable.
Brilliant. You can find way to loo in dark without waking house with noise of fan, or searing your own retinas.

branofthemist · 20/07/2016 09:25

I guess it's up to you.

Not if she is expecting her dh to do it as well. If dh insisted on doing this, I wouldn't do it as well.

Also if I ran to Ds everytime he asked for help, I would be still feeding him, dressing him, putting his shoes on etc.

He wouldn't do anything himself if he thought he could get me to do it instead.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/07/2016 09:27

Well I don't. I don't actually know if the kids do or not.

I basically stumble in, sit down and wee, wipe then leave. The first thing I do when I get up is go to the toilet and I wash my hands afterwards then.

IfNotNowThenWhenever · 20/07/2016 09:29

I'd help if it was dark. Dark, quiet, 2am houses are scary.

Dillite2 · 20/07/2016 09:33

I tend to take my 6 year old as she wakes up to wee but doesn't wake up enough to know that she needs to go downstairs to the toilet. Sometimes it's like she's sleepwalking as she has no idea as to where she is or that I am there. Also our bathroom is downstairs through the kitchen, and it's too dark. If I don't take her she just wanders around screaming and ends up wetting herself.

EarthboundMisfit · 20/07/2016 09:38

Leave the bathroom light on, step by the sink.

BeJayKayven · 20/07/2016 09:40

He will grow out of calling for you. While he still needs you, go - don't see the problem at all.

Artandco · 20/07/2016 09:43

You all need to by night lights if the only issue is ' too dark'

They need to learn that it's always dark at night in uk. In fact it's dark 4pm-8am in winter. You can buy a pack of two night lights that plug straight into socket. And let of a dim glow. About £5 in John Lewis

Artandco · 20/07/2016 09:45

m.johnlewis.com/timeguard-led-night-light/p/231577929

Get one of these. Turns itself off when it becomes light

yellowutka · 20/07/2016 09:47

Ask yourself this: what will he miss out on by being supported when he is nervous about going to the toilet at night at age 5. I very much suspect the answer will be 'nothing at all'. If so, stop worrying and carry on.

MarcelineTheVampire · 20/07/2016 09:53

He's 5, if he wants/needs help then give it to him. I had an irrational fear when I was a small child and stayed silent about it as my parents thought I should be independent- it made me worse being left to it and my fears developed into childhood anxiety.

He won't need you to take him to the toilet forever, but if he needs you now then just help him.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/07/2016 09:58

I think if you normally go to him it's a bit mean of dh to change the plan with no warning. So maybe say to him now you are in school holidays you can pop to the toilet yourself. Give him warning during the day as he is in the habit of having someone there how is he to know he is suddenly on his own.

LizzieMacQueen · 20/07/2016 10:17

My first thought is that at 5 he's too old to need the help but you can wean him off it.

Talk to him now about it, suggest when he needs next time he calls out to you as he is going to the toilet, then pop in to say that he's on his way back to bed.

Does he ever climb into bed with you after his night time pee? Is that what he's really looking for?

Buzzybee51 · 20/07/2016 10:24

I agree with the others my DS has been getting up to go to the loo by himself from around 4yo ish

drspouse · 20/07/2016 10:32

what will he miss out on by being supported when he is nervous about going to the toilet at night at age 5

Well rested, non-sleep deprived parents who are therefore calmer and less grumpy. That's what he'll miss out on.

DH is the soft one in our family and though DS can do a wee on his own he often calls out in the night for Daddy to wipe his bottom after a poo. He's worked out that if he calls for Mummy he gets told to do it himself.

Some children can't quite manage the wipe, I know but DS is 90% there so we get him to practice more, as he needs the practice.

JolieColombe · 20/07/2016 10:35

I help DD1 (just turned 5) on the rare occasion she wakes, but that's mostly because she's in a midsleeper and I don't want her climbing down the steps in the dark half-asleep. During the day I send her on her own, and when she gets a bit bigger will start this at nights too. But then she hasn't got far to go to the bathroom.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn · 20/07/2016 10:45

DD is 5 and had been going by herself for as long as I can remember. I put a night light in for the winter months when it's dark. Her room is right across from bathroom so no need to wander down hall for me. She's more than capable of wiping and washing hands. I'd wean him off it, it's just a habit. But then, I'd do anything for uninterrupted sleep.

Mishmashpotatoes · 20/07/2016 10:57

DD is 5 almost 6 and I don't think she's ever woke me up to go to the toilet.

We have one of the lights with the string that you pull, so she can reach it if she needs it. She's a weirdo though as she just goes to the toilet in the dark.

allowlsthinkalot · 20/07/2016 10:59

We leave the bathroom light on and there's a step for handwashing. My four year old has been going to the loo in the night on her own for over a year. Her big brother and sister did as soon as they stopped wearing pull ups at night.

If they were absolutely terrified then of course I'd help them but if they just fancied some company or couldn't be bothered I wouldn't.

I think it's much better for their self esteem to be as independent as possible.

MassDebate · 20/07/2016 11:57

If it's not bothering you there's nothing wrong with helping. My 5yo is terrified of the dark outside his room (nightlights don't help - they just create shadows where monsters apparently lurk) so if he needs me I go with him. No big deal - he'll grow out of it.

inlovewithhubby · 20/07/2016 12:06

Definitely old enough at 5. One of mine was doing that much earlier (other in pull ups still so not an issue we've crossed yet). I get the dark thing but we leave on a small hall light and the mirror light in the bathroom so they can see. There is no way I would be getting out of bed to take a toilet trained child to the toiler at night. It's part of their development and independence to learn how to deal with that, just like sleeping through in general and not disturbing people at night beyond an age where they need feeding (nightmares, illness etc aside) . Your DH is right and YABU, but if it's only you that's being disturbed and you don't care then I don't see that you have a problem, apart from tiredness.

ScarlettDarling · 20/07/2016 12:12

Op I guess you're in the minority...but I'm there with you! My dd wakes up at most once or twice a year for a wee, but when she does, she calls for me to go with her because she feels a bit nervous getting out of bed in the dark by herself. She's 9 but if she feels better with me there, I really don't see the problem although if it was a regular occurrence I'd be looking into ways of tackling it