Child knocking on door for DS at unsocialable hours

[Cosmo111]

I've posted here for traffic. DS (8) made friends with a little boy(approx 5-6) on the little street we live in a couple months back. He often stays with his grandparents who live there. They met whilst playing out and have played together on several occasions. They attend the same primary school although they are in different yards. I've been happy for DS to gain some independence playing out but this little boys parents seem very relaxed compared to me, the little boy asked if my DS could go to the park with them when I never met them.

It's started to become a big issue in recent weeks, the little boy would often call fairly late 6-7 for DS. I was happy for DS to go out to play as we were putting down the two youngest DC who's 3 and our newborn baby to bed. The little seems insisted on coming into the house, I explained that it wasn't an appropriate time as we were seeing to the other DC and its different if its on an afternoon. DS went outside with the little boy but they had an argument about him not coming into our house, this resulted in DS coming back in. He said hes getting fed up of playing with this little boy as hes nasty to him calling him names when DS says he cant come in.

I explained he is younger maybe doesn't understand we have small children and that if he doesn't want to play with him that day he doesn't have to. Saturday came and the little boy knocked on the afternoon DS said he didn't want to play out today and was playing with his sister during a space of an hour he called 10 times.

Yesterday the little boy knocked at 6.10 and was told by DH he was at his DF and he returned at 7.30 to be told the same by me. Tonight we had several knocks again calling at 8.30 and 8.55.

ABIU to think that's far too late to be going out? DS was actually in bed asleep at the time. I told him it was far too late to be knocking especially as he continuously knocks and we have small children. I happened to look over and his Nana was out the front watching him.

I do feel sorry for him hes only young and I have suggested DS go out and play with him but the times he is calling are not appropriate. I'm at a loss how to best handle the situation sensitively

OP before you go & see the grandparents, I think you need to decide what your message is. If your DS doesn't want to play with this boy then the message needs to be "please leave us alone"; if your DS is willing/happy to play with him sometimes, then that is a different message. With the latter, you should make it clear that you don't want visitors after 5pm as will be doing tea etc.
Our neighbours & another family on our street are always in & out of each other's houses. I have wondered for the past couple of years if DD would join in & have to say that I am relieved she hasn't as I think I'd find it quite stressful not knowing where 6yo DD was, when she'd be back, if she'd be having lunch at home or at someone else's house and, vice versa, if I had to feed another child etc but other people seem much more go with the flow.

At 5 he's living in hope that keeping on asking the same question will eventually get the right answer (do I have one of these?? Of course not... ) and the attention from and conversation with your ds answering the door is a reward in itself. If he's wandering over repeatedly to bother with nan standing watching him do it at 9pm at night then social boundaries haven't figured much in his life (or nan's) and he's probably not used to them.

Agree its time to be firmer with him, some children need it in words of one syllable, which doesn't mean nasty or unkind, just very clear and firm. No more knocking. And I would take his hand and take him back to his nan and explain that it's disturbing the family, no does mean no and it's a shame since this persisting is starting to get ds feeling cross and bothered and wouldn't it be a shame if he gets annoyed to the point of not wanting to play with 5 y old any more?

If all else fails and this doesn't work then this is the kind of thing your PCSO will help with by having a quiet word with nan. Ours was brilliant a few years ago with the parents of a similar family on our street, very tactfully done and the issues never happened again.

I haven't met the grandparents, spoken to his mom briefly as they were walking back from the school the same way so she's aware I have a toddler and a baby.

I agree I wouldn't be putting notices or ribbons out of the house. I told DS he had to make a decision if he wanted to continue to play with him or not and he said he didn't. I asked would he of been friends with him at school and he said no. I think the age gap is evident that he's into more older things.

girlywhirly why do you suggest the OP 'sends her husband'?

Maybe she could get her husband to hang the Cinderella pumpkin style giant gro clock on the door of he doesn't want to call (that has me chuckling to myself still hours later)

Speak to parent/grandparent. No playing out after tea. Tbh I wouldn't be happy with your Ds effectively being responsible for such a young child. Accidents and fall outs can happen so readily.

Is he craving the family atmosphere and structure that you have?

I would speak to the grandparents amd explain certain times are too late. You also have a toddler and a baby which is enough to deal with. When your child wants to play he will come round even if he never does

I'm not sure, he been at his GPs for the last three days that I know of. It seems odd that he's always there. I'm under the impression he sleeps over a lot due to how late he calls. My DS only started going out at 7 when we moved to a small culsac road. But he given set times to come back for tea, bath time and bed. I think 5-6 is too young to be playing out on his own. I'm wondering if he's only allowed out if my DS is with him. I did see him with another older boy afew weeks back

Worra, it's possible that the grandparents might take it as more of a serious issue if the DH goes, especially as he will be sticking up for his family. It's his home the kid walked into as well. It would send a clear message to the boy that he isn't going to put up with it, and maybe he needs to hear it if the GP's and maybe the parents are flakey.

More of a serious issue because it's coming from a man??

Are you for real?

The OP would also be sticking up for her family, which would send a clear message that she isn't going to put up with it.

My nan had an over friendly little girl next door, she wanted to come and taste whatever my nan had been baking . This escalated knocking every day😁 so on the days she baked she tied a ribbon to the gate to let the girl know. It worked well.

so you can despair you like nocabbage

Dame God I had one of those! A single young woman who lived with her toddler and was very needy. I couldn't cook ANYTHING in the end! I didn't really mind. She had no family and saw me as a Mother figure.

I just accepted her in the end. She wore me down!

You need to put a stop to this now. Particularly as your DS clearly does not want to play with this boy. Speak to the Grandparents and ask that he only calls for your son between set times, only knocks once and if no answer he does NOT knock again, and if told your DS is out or doesn't want to play then he doesn't call again that day.
He is not your responsibility.

Did you call SS? That's awful.
Yes both myself and other neighbours have called them many times. The family have told social services that everybody in the road has a vendetta against them because they are different to everybody else.
Social services bought their crap hook, line and sinker.

Tonight alone. Hot. Bothered.

Yea good old SS. Cos they're great!

Persian ..... You sound delightful

Oh now come on. It's a bloody nuicence, but Its hardly SS territory. Sadly they have bigger fish to fry than worrying about a child knocking on their neighbours door to play.

And Girly. It's a bit pathetic to suggest op sends her hard knock-- DH round to 2 pensions. I'm sorry but that's probably how they'll see it.

It's no good telling a five year old that a kid he wants to play with is "with his dad", he'll think he's just in the house, he won't know that your DH is not his dad, he won't understand that at all.

It's time to talk to the nan now. You'll just have to say really sorry, ds a bit older, not really that keen, different interests, please could you tell him not to come over any more.

Update the little boy didn't call round yesterday not sure maybe he went out for the day with the weather being nice.

Little boy knows DS goes to stay at his DF house. He's told him me and his DF aren't together and I live with his SD.

Worra and Ilive, you are entitled to your opinions as I am to mine. Men can be diplomatic and firm at the same time. They don't all go around menacing pensioners.

The OP asked for advice, she is entitled to accept or reject as is her DH. So I'm leaving her to it.

Has he been round anymore?

Persian ..... You sound delightful
Why do you say that? Do you think we should have done nothing about kids being neglected and mistreated?