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AIBU?

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Original poster

Child knocking on door for DS at unsocialable hours

74 replies

Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 21:25

I've posted here for traffic. DS (8) made friends with a little boy(approx 5-6) on the little street we live in a couple months back. He often stays with his grandparents who live there. They met whilst playing out and have played together on several occasions. They attend the same primary school although they are in different yards. I've been happy for DS to gain some independence playing out but this little boys parents seem very relaxed compared to me, the little boy asked if my DS could go to the park with them when I never met them.

It's started to become a big issue in recent weeks, the little boy would often call fairly late 6-7 for DS. I was happy for DS to go out to play as we were putting down the two youngest DC who's 3 and our newborn baby to bed. The little seems insisted on coming into the house, I explained that it wasn't an appropriate time as we were seeing to the other DC and its different if its on an afternoon. DS went outside with the little boy but they had an argument about him not coming into our house, this resulted in DS coming back in. He said hes getting fed up of playing with this little boy as hes nasty to him calling him names when DS says he cant come in.

I explained he is younger maybe doesn't understand we have small children and that if he doesn't want to play with him that day he doesn't have to. Saturday came and the little boy knocked on the afternoon DS said he didn't want to play out today and was playing with his sister during a space of an hour he called 10 times.

Yesterday the little boy knocked at 6.10 and was told by DH he was at his DF and he returned at 7.30 to be told the same by me. Tonight we had several knocks again calling at 8.30 and 8.55.

ABIU to think that's far too late to be going out? DS was actually in bed asleep at the time. I told him it was far too late to be knocking especially as he continuously knocks and we have small children. I happened to look over and his Nana was out the front watching him.

I do feel sorry for him hes only young and I have suggested DS go out and play with him but the times he is calling are not appropriate. I'm at a loss how to best handle the situation sensitively

OP posts:
PersianCatLady · 18/07/2016 22:43

I think that it is very strange for a 5-6 year old to not be either in bed or getting ready for bed at nearly 9 o'clock at night.

Sometimes at night when I am closing the curtains before going to bed at 10-11 o'clock I see some of the kids from a particular family on our street still hanging around outside and they are only 7 & 9.

Once I actually saw the younger one trying to open their front door (it was locked) and his mother came out and told him to "fuck off for a bit longer”.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 18/07/2016 22:43

Kids that knock like that are usually neglected. IME.
Do what Worra said.

TheRealAdaLovelace · 18/07/2016 22:44

like their parents or guardians are busy doing drugs or something. Just saying.

Original poster
Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 22:45

Worra I'm not prepared to stop breast feeding my infant to keep answering the door especially as he been crying all day and I had finally got him settled enough to feed. I told DS to ignore he didn't. The issue is even after DS said he didn't want to play with him anymore he has continually called him the following day and today.

OP posts:
Rowanhart · 18/07/2016 22:48

What Ada said.

I'd be more inclined to be kind to try and suss out why he was sent out at 9pm at 5.

And when, amongst this constant knocking, did he get his tea?

GiddyOnZackHunt · 18/07/2016 22:51

Poor kid is probably bored stupid at his grandparents. But you aren't responsible for that.
There's no need to stress about talking to his nan. You aren't being anything but reasonable. You aren't demanding the child never so as comes near your DS, just that he has respect for boundaries.

Original poster
Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 22:53

I think his parents work so him and his sister go to their GP. He doesn't look like he doesn't get fed. He has called at tea time and I wondered surely he would be getting our own tea. We always have a cooked meal round the table at 5/5.30 then after tea we do the bed getting sorted for bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 22:54

Even on a school night he's called before and I said no as he's having tea, bath ,homework then bed for school.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 22:58

The issue is even after DS said he didn't want to play with him anymore he has continually called him the following day and today.

Well yes, quite.

Hence the reason he needed an adult to tell him to stop knocking.

Anyway, if things don't change, just have a friendly word with his grandparents or parents.

Rubixx · 18/07/2016 23:01

I have the exact same problem but the little girl has actually walked in 3 times now without knocking. I could have just been out the shower or anything.

The repeated knocking during dinner time, after 7pm when generally DD is just getting ready for bed. I'm giving it one more time before speaking to her Mum. It's a tough one.

VenusRising · 18/07/2016 23:02

Cosmo, go over some time when it suits you and explain to the nana that he GS is bothering you by knocking all the time, especially so late. Tell her not to let him as you have enough on your plate.

If she continues to allow him to bother you, ring the ss, and ask them to see if he's being looked after properly. He sounds neglected, and I would wonder if his needs are being met, especially if he's calling your boy names/ not respectful of boundaries etc..

AcrossthePond55 · 18/07/2016 23:04

He's too little to realize what he's doing, the hours are presumably when he's allowed to play so he won't see that it's wrong.

You need to make it clear with parents/grandparents that calls after XX in the afternoon are not acceptable. It's not confrontational to say "May we ask that you please not have little Jimmy coming over after XX pm? That's our family time and Johnny will not be available to play after that time".

bumsexatthebingo · 19/07/2016 00:04

You need t make sure your ds isn't answering the door if you're asking him not to. It's encouraging him to come back to speak to him.

whatamockerywemake · 19/07/2016 00:47

No, Worra, it's very sad.

Original poster
Cosmo111 · 19/07/2016 06:43

I tell DS not to answer the front door and i'l speak to him. Rubi that's not acceptable walking in your home how did you handle the situation?

OP posts:
VioletBam · 19/07/2016 06:48

Cosmo I've had this too...with a small neighbour who also didn't realise it wasn't ok to knock all the time! SO annoying!

I had to listen to his Mother inefectually saying "No...stop knocking" while making NO effort to actually stop it!

RebootYourEngine · 19/07/2016 07:24

Asking his gp to stop the boy from knocking isnt confrontation. You dont need to go over all guns blazing ready for a fight.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 19/07/2016 07:34

I would put a small object outside- I dunno, like a ribbon/elastic band on the gate or something and tell him when it's there he can knock otherwise you won't answer the door.

He's only little but he needs firm boundaries .

TheRealAdaLovelace · 19/07/2016 07:37

There used to be children like this when I lived on an estate near Brighton - there was one (a bit older) who when he wasnt sleeping in bus stops was trying to break into family houses, just so he could sit in the kids' rooms.

Rubixx · 19/07/2016 07:46

Nothe going to lie, the first time I was a bit unsure of what had happened, thought DD must have left the door open when she went out with another child, wondered if she'd though she heard me shout to come in or something.

Second time I said "you know honey, you really have to knock. You can't just walk in" and third was when we had already answered the door twice when DD was having her tea and had told her that. She had continued knocking every few minutes or so which hadn't been answered as I'd already told her she would be out when she was done and I had to very firmly ask her not to open our door.

She's only little but DD is just a few months older and she knows not to do it and she was even getting a bit ratty the 3rd time.

It's annoying.

BigTroubleInLittleChina · 19/07/2016 07:52

As another PP said, are you all being vague about what your DS is doing, giving the impression he will be playing out at sometime?

I think you need to use your new baby to your advantage,

Tell the GP he is disturbing the baby AND you. Say that if your DS wants to play HE will knock on their door.

Ask he doesn't come around again.

girlywhirly · 19/07/2016 08:07

I suggest you send DH to have a word with the grandparents. He can tell them that you have a new baby and a three yr old as well, and that the constant knocking is disturbing them. He can say that coming round after x time is pointless, as the DC will be going to bed, and that he is surprised that the little boy is allowed to stay up so late, why is that? He could even add that the boy was caught entering your home, without permission which isn't on. He could end by saying that he doesn't want to be harsh, but the boy won't be told no, and so he is leaving them to deal with the matter as they are responsible for him.

I would make sure your doors are locked after a certain time.

Shizzlestix · 19/07/2016 08:08

You absolutely must speak to the grandparents-I'm really puzzled as to how they think it's OK to watch and not stop him. Have they even met you??

Nocabbageinmyeye · 19/07/2016 08:12

I'm sorry but seriously - a Cinderella style gro clock they can see from across the street?? Ribbons and bands on your door?? (Although hands down the gro clock is the most ridiculous thing I have read ever as a solution to a problem on here). Grow a pair ffs, these are children. First time be nice, second time nice but firmer, third time is just firm "Dennis I have told you three times Danny is having his dinner, if he wants to call for you be will but do not call again", if there's a forth time then bring him home and tell the adult it's too much. Confrontation avoiders are what these people love, they are happy to let their kids off to give them some peace and while there is a confrontation avoider on their street they will turn a blind eye and let them off so they can have peace, nip it in the bud. Honestly I despair sometimes

CocktailQueen · 19/07/2016 08:22

Persiancatlady - *Sometimes at night when I am closing the curtains before going to bed at 10-11 o'clock I see some of the kids from a particular family on our street still hanging around outside and they are only 7 & 9.

Once I actually saw the younger one trying to open their front door (it was locked) and his mother came out and told him to "fuck off for a bit longer”.*

Did you call SS? That's awful.