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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

please tell me i'm bu !!!

71 replies

primitivemom · 18/07/2016 17:30

I really don't know where to start!!! My husband has recently been on a health kick infact very obsessive and he has started on my girls who are 12 and 7. At first it was cutting out sweets and rubbish, sugary drinks etc. Then it was telling them in not so many words that being fat like me (im very overweight) is not acceptable and that they don't want to end up like me. I understand that i of course, i don't want my girls obese but a healthy weight for their age. Bear in mind at night when kids are in bed he eats sweets! . He is all health health health, no sugar at all, even a yogurt etc, they are not allowed anything but what he cooks , he does cook nice dinners, and they do eat it . My twelve year old has lost weight, and is very aware of this (he tells her its a growth spurt) and clothes that fitted her last month are hanging on her. My 7 year old is going the same way. I undersatnd that no sugar helps, behaviour etc and it has, but surely he is going too far? today was the final straw when he came home from the shops with a present for them , kids were excited to see what he'd brought, a toy or comic etc and he handed them ........ weights!!!!! what should i do? i am really worried my girls are going to end up ill .

OP posts:
PortiaCastis · 18/07/2016 18:03

If the children's clothes are hanging off them how much weight have they lost ?

KindDogsTail · 18/07/2016 18:03

Were they actually overweight?

Or did they just have puppy fat?

It is important to have balanced meals (breakfast, lunch and dinner) as a priority with lots of fresh vegetables and fruit, whole grains and protein, plenty of healthy fats, then anything else in moderation. A restrictive diet and/or too much control at their age is extremely dangerous and could precipitate an eating disorder. An eating disorder can mean bulimia/binge eating disorder, not only anorexia.

This seems odd, in light of the regime he is imposing on your children:
Bear in mind at night when kids are in bed he eats sweets

Original poster
primitivemom · 18/07/2016 18:04

They eat things like bacon and eggs for breakfast, spaghetti boognese for dinner. He is a good cook and they like the dinners he makes ( we eat as a family) but its the ott thing thats causing problems, i dont see the harm in the kids having a ball of icecream after a meal out at a restaurant etc, and he says no. They are not overweight, the opposite in fact, dd2 is skinny! its more about the impact of sugar on their mental health i think he is getting at .

OP posts:
FairyDogMother11 · 18/07/2016 18:06

posie I was just about to write that my father was like this, to the point he said things about my mum, and I was put on a diet aged 12 and I have BED now. The point is not that he wanted me to be healthy, but that he wanted control over what we ate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "we're going to cut down on snacks and eat a bit better" and encouraging everyone to participate in bike rides or walks, but being like this is unnecessary and he was unkind to OP.

PotteringAlong · 18/07/2016 18:06

But you said you want them to be a healthy weight. And you said you are very overweight. So you don't want them to end up like you either...

I'm not saying he hasn't gone too far with the weights, but maybe he's tried to address some fundamental truths you don't want to hear.

Are you on the no sugar health kick too!

PotteringAlong · 18/07/2016 18:06

Sorry, that was meant to be "too?"

GraciesMansion · 18/07/2016 18:06

I am very overweight and don't want my children to end up like me and have told them so which is why we discuss 'everything in moderation'. It sounds like he might be well-intentioned but going about it in the wrong way? Are the children overweight?

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 18:06

Is your eldest being tested for suspected Aspergers?

If so, can you not speak to whoever she is seeing about it?

KindDogsTail · 18/07/2016 18:09

I agree there is absolutely nothing wrong with a ball of ice cream out at a restaurant and believe his ott attitude is taking things too far even if he is making good meals.

PerspicaciaTick · 18/07/2016 18:13

From what you've said, there doesn't seem to be a massive problem with their new diet. It doesn't sound especially extreme.

However, the way he is choosing to communicate his ideas sounds awful and I would worry that he is introducing ideas and concepts that may lead to a disordered attitude to food in future. Much better to just quietly adapt a child's diet and say nothing much beyond "We're all eating healthier so we feel fitter" rather than pointing fingers and focusing on the "fat" issue.

Original poster
primitivemom · 18/07/2016 18:15

I am not on the health kick myself no. I don't want him controlling what i eat, i don't sit and eat sweets all day though a lot of my weight is due to medication and health problems which caused weight gain. I just feel its getting obssesive! I understand he wants the best for them and so do i, but i feel stuff like the weights was just too much. My eldest was referred to camhs and my dh suggested cutting out the sugar to see if it helped her, it has massively!! but its the body image thing i'm worried about, i dont want my children to have eating disorders .

OP posts:
BackforGood · 18/07/2016 18:19

but eating healthily doesn't give a child an eating disorder.

Interesting you don't want to say what they have been eating prior to the changes he is trying to instigate.

Lunar1 · 18/07/2016 18:19

Is he their dad?

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 18:19

How do your kids actually feel about it all? Are they enjoying it or not?

I'm not sure how easy it would be to force a 12yr old to have no sugar at all, if they weren't on board with it.

Eating disorders are strange things and can equally be caused by children coming from overweight families, as they can by coming from health fanatic families.

lastqueenofscotland · 18/07/2016 18:21

Bacon and eggs and spag Bol is normal food it's hardly raw, vegan, gluten free...

glamourousgranny42 · 18/07/2016 18:28

If you genuinely see a difference in behaviour after cutting out sugar, fine. But research seems to suggest the sugar hyperactive myth is exactly that. A myth. Children need a balanced diet that includes sugar and fat.
Your husband is setting your girls up for years of issues with food. I speak as one who knows.

Pinkheart5915 · 18/07/2016 18:29

So he's stil giving them things like bacon and eggs for breakfast and spag Bol and such like for dinner just no sweets well I don't see a problem with that certainly not deprived.

You say cutting out sugar has helped your oldest so surely that can only be a good thing?

You say your not on a health kick because you don't want him controlling what you eat fair enough but if children grow up seeing both parents eat what's good for them they are more likely to have a healthy lifestyle as adults.

WorraLiberty · 18/07/2016 18:34

Your husband is setting your girls up for years of issues with food. I speak as one who knows.

He might be and so might the OP.

TheAntiBoop · 18/07/2016 18:40

What do you eat while they eat their spag Bol? And what did they eat before?

It's difficult to judge on what you've said - what do they eat in a typical day? Do they follow the no sugar rule at school?

nilbyname · 18/07/2016 18:40

Well if it is an out and out ban then it is extreme and life is all about balance.

What did they eat before?

Are you sure they have lost weight? If they are eating bacon and eggs, spaghetti etc then I don't see how? As that all sounds fine and balanced.

I have a friend who's husdand is a Health nut and I have been out with them
As a family. All our kids are having a lemonade as a treat. She has tap water with a slice of lemon in and and her face is tripping her. She's 6! Seems really sad.

mamapants · 18/07/2016 18:43

Doesn't sound too bad to me. Seems like he's instigating a good healthy diet. I'd live to have the will power to cut out sugar and would do the same with the children if I could.
If behaviour has improved then it seems like it's doing everyone good.
You should join in and encourage them .

mamapants · 18/07/2016 18:45

Its not that weird to not have lemonade at age 6 is it nilby. Am sure my nieces and nephews weren't allowed any until 6 or 7 and then only at my parties.

HackAttack · 18/07/2016 18:48

Sounds like he is trying really hard to be healthy and you aren't helping to be honest. You should be making an effort.

mylovegoesdown · 18/07/2016 18:48

How overweight are you OP?. You say you're 'very overweight' but my view of that may be different to yours for example.

Sometimes when a parent has a 'problem', with excess food or excess alcohol etc, the other parent over-compensates in an attempt to try to prevent a problem for children before it occurs. I'm not saying that's the right way, but it happens.

mamapants · 18/07/2016 18:51

Out of interest how heavy were the weights and what was he planning?
He also admitted it wasn't the best idea, maybe you could come up with exercise ideas together as a family.
I used to love doing sit ups and press ups and pull ups as a child. We do it now with our children too.

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