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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Unhappy beach toddler

64 replies

TiramisuIsMyFriend · 18/07/2016 10:47

More of a wwyd I guess.

DP and I are on holiday. It's our last holiday before our first baby comes. We took ourselves off to what we thought was a fairly remote, "grown up" part of a small island, staying in an adults only spa hotel with a private beach.

For one reason or another, it hasn't been quite as advertised. Not least because the hotel's "private beach" is just a small strip next to a public beach and another hitel's beach, both of which are crowded with families. Which is totally fine and doesn't bother me at all. The thing that has bothered me is the family who have been sitting all day for the past 2 days in the seats right next to the hotel's strip of beach. They have 4 kids. One of them is a little older but there are 2 young boys who run around shouting, throwing sand, running dripping wet up the private part of beach, etc. again...kids will be kids and I'm just tuning it out. But the littlest child, a girl of about 18 months I think, is clearly hating it. She has, with no exaggeration, screamed, screeched and whined all day for the past 2 days. She is too hot, she doesn't like the sand, she doesn't want to go in the sea and screams whenever they try to make her (which is about 1ce an hour!!) and generally has been putting her lungs to great use the entire time.

So, the WWYD part.

OP posts:

NavyandWhite · 18/07/2016 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

TiramisuIsMyFriend · 18/07/2016 11:30

Bit harsh, deathstare!

No-one's judging their parenting. I feel quite certain this will be me in a couple of years and, quite the opposite of thinking I could do a better job, I have NO idea how I would deal with it. Which is why I asked.

I'm sure you can agree that it's a little disappointing for us though- our last "grown up" holiday, certainly for many years, and it is very, very different to what we had envisioned. But no, no judgey-pants here.

OP posts:

NapQueen · 18/07/2016 11:35

I think you should reserve your frustrations for the holiday company who sold you something they didn't deliver

The other family have as much right to be in their spot as you do in yours.

Go relax by the pool.

If I were them I wouldn't even be on this type of holiday.

ineedwine99 · 18/07/2016 11:37

If it were me OP i would have one us stay on the beach with the boys and the other take the toddler to the pool/back to room/somewhere she felt comfortable, then switch later so each parent gets to play with the older 3.
I feel sorry for the poor little thing being that upset

BolshierAryaStark · 18/07/2016 11:41

One of mine hates the beach, the other loves it so we do beach in the morning then pool after lunch. DD doesn't get to decide what everyone does just because she doesn't like something, how would that be fair?

BitOutOfPractice · 18/07/2016 11:50

Oh OP OP OP, I know it's annoying when someone says "just you wait" but I'm going to say it anyway. Just you wait.

I suggest you read this thread in exactly 3 years' time and see how you feel about it then and just how judgey you do sound

purplevase4 · 18/07/2016 11:52

How can you spend all day on a beach? What on earth do you DO all day. Not surprised the toddler hates it. So would I after half an hour.

pinkieandperkie · 18/07/2016 11:52

I hear you bit

ApostrophesMatter · 18/07/2016 12:01

I wish people would read what OP's asking. She isn't judging the family at all, she's asking what we would do.

I would not inflict the horror of a beach on a DC who hates it or on unfortunate people sitting nearby. I'd take turns with DH to take her elsewhere.

SomeDaysIDontGiveAMonkeys · 18/07/2016 12:07

Lilac. 'Turd' really? Your poor DC.

SaucyJack · 18/07/2016 12:13

Is she really moaning all day?

Toddlers can be miserable little gits a lot of the time. It may well just be her personality/current developmental stage, and she'd be like that wherever she was.

Maybe the parents have just kind of tuned out to it.

ARumWithAView · 18/07/2016 12:17

Why waste your last child-free holiday analysing the choices of a large family you don't know, and wondering what you'd do in a similar situation -- a situation which is barely a dot on your horizon yet, since it'll probably be a decade before you're trying to balance the preferences of three children plus a toddler.

Also, no matter how many times you say you're not judging, it does sound judgemental when you throw around should in relation to others' parenting: the boys should be reined in, the little girl should be taken elsewhere. You clearly have your own opinion about their behaviour. If you really want to enjoy your final grown-up holiday, just take whatever practical steps necessary to salvage this trip and complain to the hotel/travel company who misrepresented the facilities.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/07/2016 12:19

Some kids are adaptable, DD is thank goodness. Happy wherever they are. And some are really not. I bet the toddler is one of them. They are probably thinking that at least they are outside, not in a restaurant disturbing people.

When very noisy, rambunctious DD was this age I got so sick of shushing and saying, "inside voice". The beach was a gift. Somewhere kids can be kids.

Unfortunately that might be a bit shit for you. Until yours comes and you'll hopefully just be glad the noisiest child isn't yours!

BertPuttocks · 18/07/2016 12:19

Toddlers are notoriously shrieky little individuals. They will regularly whine first and then think about a reason for it later. The girl at the beach is a prime example. She whines because she's too hot but equally doesn't actually want to do anything that might remedy the situation (go into the sea).

Now you could take the toddler elsewhere and listen to the same whining with different scenery. It just means that either everyone else has to leave too, or one parent ends up trying to supervise three children on a crowded beach.

Or you can sit it out and listen to them whine on the beach. This way the other three children can enjoy their holiday and there are now two sets of eyes watching out for four children on a crowded beach.

They too may have been told that they would have a private beach. Like you they're just trying to make the most of it.

Personally, sitting on a beach would be my idea of torture. However, if I were a beach person I would probably ignore the whining and go with whatever suited the majority of the family.

TychosNose · 18/07/2016 12:23

If I was one of those parents I'd probably take the toddler elsewhere to do something she enjoyed. I can't stand it if my kids are unhappy. Some people can tune out their kids whinging. I can't. But I am often told that my kids are in charge and I'm too soft and I should take control more. Whatever you do, someone always disagrees.

I hope you do manage enjoy your last holiday as a couple for a while. Try not to focus too much on this family.

trafalgargal · 18/07/2016 12:26

Where on the planet is it half term? Certainly not Britain or Europe.

mouldycheesefan · 18/07/2016 12:30

It's not half term but many schools are finished for the summer already.

LoveMN · 18/07/2016 12:30

Exactly what DeathStare said, you might find it harsh OP but her comments reflect the thoughts of hard working parents who need a holidays and don't wish to be judged by people clueless of what having a family means

So when you're struggling when you have a newborn and fancy a walk in the park, how would you feel if someone clearly annoyed by your baby's cry, complained on MN and would love for you to bugger off?

Cosmo111 · 18/07/2016 12:37

My DS broke up last Thursday

honkinghaddock · 18/07/2016 12:38

Ds hates beaches. He is our only child so we can easily limit our time around them but we still take him occasionally (we live on the coast) and put up with shrieking for a while to try to increase his tolerance of them. He shrieks at lots of things but gradually gets used to them or sometimes shrieks for reasons that have nothing to do with where he is. You can't avoid everything because a child is upset.

BeMorePanda · 18/07/2016 12:41

But more than anything I'd hope that on my hard-saved-for holiday I didn't end up next to Mr. And Mrs Judgey-Pants who were sure that they could parent my child better than me, despite having no experience themselves.

^this.

You do sound judgey OP.

Or are you asking us WWYD now, so you can make a note in your diary for in a few years time to refer back to if you ever find yourself in a similar situation with a large family and a cranky toddler?

WWID in your situation, is I would have made the most of being able to take a beach holiday outside of the school holidays, and done that.

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 18/07/2016 12:42

She's probably going through a phase where EVERYTHING is wrong and she'ld be the same anywhere

You're basically pissed at being missold a peaceful grown up holiday and it's not, get a hire car and find a more secluded spot & stop glaring at this poor family!

EmzDisco · 18/07/2016 12:45

It's an interesting question OP. My DD is 10 months, took her to our local beach for the first time last week, she only ate a small amount of sand

My DP loves sun and sea and beaches, but I think often small children are not so compatible! Keep having to remind him that chilling on the beach for hours in the blazing sun isn't so appealing for a baby/toddler.

I don't know what I would do, to not answer your question, but I'd probably try and have a holiday where everyone got to do what they wanted a bit. And not have anyone too distressed for too long. Probably not very easy to achieve!

SteviebunsBottrittrundle · 18/07/2016 12:54

Hmmmm it's hard to say as we only have one DC. If the little one really isn't enjoying it and is moaning all day long then, but the other children are enjoying themselves I don't know what we'd do. If one of us took the little one back to our room then I think we'd both be bored. Tbh I think beach holidays with toddlers can be a bit of a gamble. You just have to make the most of it. I know why you're wondering what you would do in their position but honestly, you could completely change your stance on this sort of thing when you're actually in that position yourself.

Fwiw we went on a short holiday abroad with DD recently and aren't keen to repeat the experience. She's 19mo and we aren't taking her away till she is a bit more easy to reason with in airports, on planes, doesn't get cranky if she doesn't nap etc etc. So I guess ten years from now?

I know lots of people have lovely holidays abroad with their toddlers but we just found it more stressful than enjoyable in the main. It might be different if we had older DCs.

GDarling · 18/07/2016 13:00

Here! Here! DeathStare,
Move and mind your own, surely there is somewhere else to sit???
Why are you wasting your holiday worrying about a child who u know is just unhappy ( other than needs your help)

Also maybe it's because the boys are having more fun than her/she could be tired/hot/or just wants to go home :((

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