To be fucked off

[brandnamecherrycola]

I'm early 30s and have been with my DP for 3 years. At work I have never discussed my thoughts either way re getting married. I'm
not actually that bothered either way. I think it would be nice to be married but I wouldn't actually want a wedding FWIW. Yet there are two female colleagues that repeatedly ask me. "When do you think he will propose?" Or every time we are about to go on holiday "Maybe he will propose?"

I've just had a weekend away and one of them (who I don't actually like and is the well know office gossip, fat shaming, all round mean girl) has mailed me, within minutes of my arrival "No ring? :)"

It's just made me irrationally angry. I feel like they think it's some kind of shameful thing that I'm not engaged or that I'm not validated until a man proposes to me.

AIBU to be really pissed off about this? Can someone give me a response that will ensure they stop hassling me?!?

"No ring yet, no. No life yet?"

You sure you aren't waiting for a ring?

I'm the same OP, I have no interest in being a bride or organising a wedding and every once in a while people pester me about it.

The worst one was a woman who had never met before, at someone else's wedding, once she found out DP and I had been together, unmarried for over 20 years, started going on about how I could just make all the arrangements, organise the registry office etc etc, and just drag DP there, under false pretenses if necessary, to get it sorted.

I just stood there open mouthed, speechless, especially as she was going on about how I was missing out on the joy of all the tedious wedding organisation crap, which is the main thing I can't be arsed with.

Yes, I know, weddings can be much simpler affairs, but I really cannot be arsed and I am the financially stronger partner (higher earner, good pension etc) so I am not missing out on any sort of security by not being married.

'I'm not Gollum, so no ring'.

YANBU

"No ring? "

"No manners?"

No ring?
Good grief no I'm far too young.

I'm almost in the same position except for I have got a ring. I am perfectly happy with a long engagement and if I did get married, people would find out afterwards as I don't want a wedding etc. I am sooooo sick of colleagues trying to arrange my hen do and saying that they want a wedding to attend. They wouldn't get an invite anyway!

OP go buy one of those really awful plastic rings and proudly show it off and declare you are marrying yourself.

Or tell them you and DP ran off to Mordor for the weekend.

Fwiw I've been engaged and I specifically chose a ring that wasn't a diamond and even then I go comments along the 'will he get you a diamond? is he too cheap?'

Nope, I just didn't want a generic diamond ring and chose a semi precious stone (lapis fyi because it polishes up beautifully and looks like a galaxy with the gold flecks) Chap felt bad it wasn't an expensive ring so he bought me a diamond necklace. I loved the ring but people didn't get it.

Your colleagues clearly don't get it either though the legal protections that come with marriage are worth it imo.

Say 'Yes, actually, he thought you'd be asking me about this AGAIN today, so he gave me this'.

Email back "eh?" as though you have no idea what's she's on about as it's the last thing on your mind.

Or "don't worry, you'd be the first to know if there was, as it's obviously very important to you!" with an optional passive aggressive smiley thrown in too.

Grrr. How annoying that must be. I think you can only rise above it or 'make a thing of it' which may backfire. Perhaps next time it happens you could just say that you have no plans to get married anytime soon and hope they STFU about it.

YANBU. urghh I feel your pain. My situation (was) a little different. As soon as we were married (on our wedding day) cue everyone asking - when are you going to try for a baby (we had been together for about 6 years prior to this) ?! I did finally get fed up 1 year on and one of my cousins who had the (misfortune) of asking me the 'pregnant yet?!' question got a reply - 'are you asking me if I'm having unprotected sex?'

3 years on im pregnant with number #2 which is what we planned for - don't understand why people are so interested in things that don't really concern them!!!

I would reply to your nasty friend - YABU and stop asking me. I don't even like you!

I'd just send back 'no, my preciousssssss'.

Or better, 'WHAT HAS IT GOT IN ITS NASTY POCKETSES?'

Dojo...

I think people that constantly badger people on the subject, have something lacking in their own lives. Give her a smutty ring double entendre

Don't dignify the email with an answer.

Examine your honest feelings about marriage. I'm not saying you do want to do it or anything, but have you ever given that impression to them (consciously or subconsciously)? Do they think they have found a sore point with you or something?

It's weird that they keep picking away at you like this. No-one has ever asked me that question. Or about when I was having kids. Maybe I've been lucky or I give off don't-give-a-shit vibes. I don't know!

I would try and cultivate an air of real nonchalance about this topic. Keep talking about exciting stuff you are doing, especially stuff like travel, hobbies, whatever. Things that are easier when you are not married with kids. You could say you are enjoying yourself loads before you are tied down with too many responsibilities.

How old are these colleagues? Are they married? Happily or unhappily, do you think?

I think it's really about them. If they are mean though, they'll get a kick out of knowing they are pissing you off. Your job is to not give them that satisfaction.

This should be you from now on!

She is rude.

And the reason I think it's rude is that she's implying that the holiday/birthday/nice meal out will have been a disappointment because of the lack of proposal, as if that's all you're focused on (which is obviously all she would be focused on, but she's not you).

Rude.

I'd go with a Frodo type reply.

Actually we got matching genital piercings - engagement rings are so passé. Want to see?

Loving some of these replies!

If you'd like to take a more direct approach............ yes, I did get a ring actually - like to take a closer look???"

I got this for years.

One person I barely knew told us we should be getting a move on getting engaged since she was flashing her new ring about. She got an icy glare and a reminder that I didn't recall asking anyone advice on my relationship status, let alone someone who's first name I had forgotten.

We got it about babies too. Endlessly. And we have a history of infertility, secondary infertility and recurrent losses. We've a family wedding on what would be the due date of the latest miscarriage and I'm dreaming up pithy retorts to have up my sleeve.

I think if it was me I'd just ignore and disengage. Don't reply to the email. If she asks give her a one word answer.

It's nobody's business but yours.

According to a post I read on here recently, Poundland are selling vibrating cock rings. You could always get one of those and then when she asks you again (because you KNOW she will!) you can send her a pic of it.

I had this at work from a (well meaning but utterly deluded) colleague. She was pregnant/engaged/getting married/married/going on honeymoon/planning another baby, and so I got it EVERY.SINGLE.WEEK.

It was like it was the most important thing to her, so the most important thing to everyone ever.

I just kept telling her nah and looking at her like she was utterly fucking mental for doing any of that stuff, and she soon shut up....... though that might be in part because she left