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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it supposed to be this hard?

67 replies

sleepyhippo · 17/07/2016 15:58

Just the pure relentlessness of babyhood really.

I find it really really tough. Baby never seems happy! I try my best but I don't seem to get it right! We went to ikea today, babe was well rested, fed, clean and comfortable. But he still managed to have a screaming fit halfway round the stupid fucking show maze and we ended up just leaving. I'm aware babies aren't robots and of course can have off days but I can't see what more I could have done to try and make him happy. I've taken him to the doctors and they just say he's teething. He's hard to get to sleep, wakes up in the night still (don't really mind this too much and expect him to do so for a while longer!!) but I don't really enjoy it very much. All I see is women with babies looking gorgeous, the babe is asleep in their pram, they're having a lovely lunch or whatever they're doing and they just make it look so easy!

So what is it? Is my baby a little bit difficult? Is he just a normal baby and I'm just shit at coping? Is it a mixture of both?! Right now I can't imagine going through this again! He's so loved and wanted, but it's so hard!

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepyhippo · 18/07/2016 08:20

Heyrobot baby is breastfed so tough at times however does take a bottle so I've had a day here and there so think I've had more than most really!

Yea the pressure to have a lovely time is huge isn't it! That makes it so much harder!

Hi time! I'm frequently stalking your March 2016 thread to find out when the feck I can expect my baby to sleep!

Thanks everyone. Actually had an okay night last night and baby hasn't cried so far this morning really so winning!

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepyhippo · 18/07/2016 08:24

Glitterkitten yea to the husband thing. It never seems to be as bad when they're around does it? I swear DS keeps his bad times just for me. You are a hero though! Two little ones, and suspected reflux with the tiny one must be hard going.

Have a lovely day!

OP posts:

Maybebabybee · 19/07/2016 08:45

I feel you op. My four month old is teething and grumpy because of the heat. It is hell. I literally cannot wait for his naps (those are in short supply at the moment!).

I love him very much but I do look back at my pre baby life wistfully when he's like this...

Original poster

sleepyhippo · 19/07/2016 09:12

Maybe my sympathies. Not much napping going on here either, he's been awake since 4am as well.

I really do think I'm going a little bit mad. I've already cried about 17 times this morning (more than the baby- this can't be good!)

OP posts:

HeyRobot · 20/07/2016 07:13

DD is also breastfed but never took to a bottle, but to be honest even with a ff baby where you split night feeds equally, that's a lot less sleep than you would have been getting before. You've been surviving on little sleep for months now and had no time to catch up on rest. I doubt your odd days will have even have touched the sides!

I think try to take it easy on yourself. If it was anything but a baby no one would expect to get so little rest and be ok with that.

Klaptrap · 20/07/2016 08:13

Nothing useful to add, but this thread has made me feel a bit better about how I am feeling. My DS will be 6 weeks on Saturday and I am finding it rather relentless. He feeds constantly, I am growing to hate breastfeeding (we had a bad start on that front so I have a lot of angst relating to it), he seldom naps, and when he does it is on me and putting him down is nearly impossible. We are co-sleeping, which is OK, but I would give anything to just lie back and sleep, without worrying about him for a few hours. I don't feel natural at this at all, and feel guilty for how hard I find it.
I am looking forward to things getting better, as everyone tells me it will (although I hope it isn't like "breastfeeding will get easier" which really doesn't seem to be true so far) but at the same time I don't want to wish this time away!

princessconsuelobananahammock · 20/07/2016 08:27

I don't think anyone's mentioned Wonder Weeks yet? It seemed a big deal when my DC was little. It's a book with a website. I didn't buy the book but did sign up to email alerts when there was a wonder week - basically something big development wise. My DC was very hard work in the day but slept pretty well so I felt that evened it out! The wonder weeks emails helped me to rationalise why my DC was having a tough few days. It didn't solve it but it helped me make sense of it. The other thing that helped me ducks was finally giving up trying to breastfeed. I tried so, so hard for 5 weeks but my baby was hungry, I was in serious pain & losing my sanity. My lovely HV gave me a good talking to & made me feel able to switch to formula. We all know 'breast is best' in an ideal world - but the world is not ideal!

princessconsuelobananahammock · 20/07/2016 08:29

www.thewonderweeks.com

TheMshipIsBack · 20/07/2016 08:37

sleepy do come join us on the March thread! I'm on there with DC2, who is my second velcro baby. She's like someone else's mentioned above - bottle refuser, dummy refuser, sleeps only in the sling or beside me (never DH!) in our bed, screams in the car seat, screams in the pram, etc. But if I go with her flow, she is actually incredibly easy. DC1 was a fucking nightmare in comparison.

3perfectweemen · 20/07/2016 12:14

All babies are different. My five month old is very happy and content take him anywhere. Loves the car and shopping looking around him never complains. But my two year old when he was that age was a nightmare to go anywhere cried when car stopped cried with crowds cried with noise. All children and babies are different. But my 2 year old is very easy now.

waitingforsomething · 20/07/2016 12:23

Both my babies have been a slog. They cried a lot, not once slept peacefully in a pram and were always hungry and tired. Number 1 is 3 now and really very easy, a delight in fact. She is not a slog in any way! Number 2 just turned 1, he is still a bit relentless but much sunnier and sleeps through most of the time.
It gets better, it's not an easy age and sleep deprivation seems like it'll last forever. Hang on in there.

minipie · 20/07/2016 12:25

You only see the sleeping babies because all the others have been taken home!

This.

TBH OP if you could even consider taking your baby to Ikea, never mind do it, I think you are doing pretty well!

minipie · 20/07/2016 12:26

Oh and both mine went through a really grumpy phase just before getting their first teeth. Hang in there. Once they can sit up and have their first teeth through it's much better (and then it just gets better as they get older, until you hit 2 anyway...)

HeyRobot · 20/07/2016 20:25

Klaptrap - it was definitely 6 weeks before bf started getting easier for me. It was really painful until then and I basically thought that because it was meant to have got easier that is was going to be painful forever. I only continued because I was damned if I was going to have kept at it through all the pain and not get to the easy bit. I hope it gets easier soon. I found that when it did it happened very quickly.

29redshoes · 20/07/2016 20:40

OP, a couple of weeks ago I took my baby to a friend's house. She was not in a good mood that day and started screaming as soon as I took her out of the pram. She continued to scream throughout the visit, I made a hasty departure and walked down the road with the baby in the pram STILL screaming. She FINALLY passed out from exhaustion fell asleep just before I got on the train, where another passenger peered into the pram and said "oh what an angel! She looks so peaceful!"

So...don't worry too much about other babies! Sometimes all is not as it seems!

Original poster

sleepyhippo · 20/07/2016 21:08

Thanks for all of your comments everyone. He's been an absolute dream today?!?! Can't keep up with him!! At his 4 month check he was flirting with the health visitor and all she could say was 'awww isn't he adorable! So smiley! What a happy baby!' So I suppose I've just proved everyone's point! I think in the dark moments (like 3am screaming baby) it's really hard to think it's going to get better and parenthood to feel more natural. I seem to despair when the littlest thing goes wrong and think it's always going to be that way. Not helped by being on your own the majority of the day, thinking it all through. Plus I'm so shit on no sleep!

Just need to relax a little and try to enjoy the little moments I think. And fuck IKEA off forever

To the poster that is struggling with breastfeeding (sorry I've started writing and can't see your name) I promise you it will get easier! For the first six weeks DS was permanently attached to my boob, it hurt like hell, and the marathon cluster feeding sessions were something else. But it does calm down promise! IMO you are on the cusp of your supply being regulated and it settling a bit. But if it's still really painful I would get your latch checked. Sorry if that's no use and you've already done it!

OP posts:

DollyBarton · 20/07/2016 21:17

Argh babies are a headfuck. I just console myself that it is only 6 years of my long life stuck in this phase (and also all the beautiful moments that come with it). I've 3 in 4 years so it's been intense.

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