To not give my bedroom to visiting relatives?

[canary1]

I am having brother and his wife to stay for a few days. We have our three month old getting up for feeds at night, and my husband and I share this ( lucky me, I know). We have things set up at home with one room which one of us sleeps in with DS, microwave for warming his milk etc. Then other room for whichever one of us is not looking after him, which is on another floor so quieter. We also have smaller room empty, with double bed, which I thought would be fine for brother plus his wife. But he has suggested to me that they would prefer the bigger, quieter room- though he knows the sleeping arrangements, that we are using this room. AIBU to not give them the room? I could just take my clothes etc out and give it to them for the few days? Perhaps I ABU to want to keep our arrangements as they are, and give them smaller room? Btw the smaller room is still a reasonable size, far from being a box room, but does not have am ensuite unlike the two rooms we are using at the moment. Grateful for opinions..,

YADNBU! You have a perfectly good guest room. He can have that or sod off to a hotel! Cheeky sod.

Providing there is a bathroom / toilet they can access that isn't one of the en suites then YANBU.

He v rarely makes the effort to visit. Has no excuse now as we actually have a guest room which wasn't the case a year ago, but often said he couldn't visit as no where to stay. We live near a holidayinn so he could have stayed cheaply there- he is v well off- but obviously the issue wasn't where to stay, just that he's not bothered. I usually do any travelling that happens, but can't at the mo with the new little monkey. ...I hope he's not ticked off when they get here but they'll have a perfectly fine bed....

Tell him the local hotel has spacious rooms if he has an issue with your guest room. What a prat!!

Thanks hadn't read most recent messsges. They'll have main bathroom to use just near bedroom. Wondered if he wanted big room as wife might be dragging her heels ( has visited us about twice in last decade, though sees us when we visit...) xxx

YANBU. If he doesn't like it he can book in at the Holiday Inn.

Presumably he and his wife give up their bed for you whenever you visit?

If no, I would be pointing that out if he's as cheeky as to murmur about the arrangements...

I think he'll be surprised as a bit used to being in charge in his own home yea - NOT in YOURS!

when family/friends genuinely want to visit you there is always a way to make do if hotels/bnb isn't an option. my mum has a 4 bed home, but when we're all there + 10 kids, you make room....i've slept on blow up mattresses, sofas and the floor (all with bedding n pillows )

he acts as though he's visiting you under 'sufferance'. Now that he has no 'legit' excuse to not visit. cowardly wankbadger!

op, under no circumstances allow him to 'rule the roost' or pick fault and create an uncomfortable atmosphere. you've done your bit, and if he doesn't appreciate his family then in future just leave him to it.

i remember sleeping on the floor in the spare room when my niece was born premature n in hospital, spent my days painting the house and cooking meals, evenings with my sis in hospital. taking unpaid time out didn't even factor...it's sad that he isn't even excited to just spend time with you and your family. seeing my siblings become parents and enjoying their joy is something that nothing can ever buy.

I think he'll be surprised as a bit used to being in charge

And then you know you've successfully stood up for yourself

Text "Bro, I would prefer a country pile with 10 bedrooms, full staff and a night nanny, but that aint happening either! See you on the 10th or here is the website for Holiday Inn if you would prefer to stay there. love Sis xxx"

What Bogey said.

I can't imagine accepting an invite to stay with someone with a 3mo baby, let alone dictating what room I wanted to stay in. YANBU.

Vim I cant help wondering whether the OP actually invited them, or that the brother announced that he was gracing them with his presence, he seems the sort.

I think they should be happy with whichever room is given to them.
Can I just add, please don't warm the baby's milk in a microwave, it can create hotspots in the milk, and it needs to be made fresh each time.

I (and dh) don't give up my bed and I don't ever spect dd to have to give up her either (she has a double bed in her room.)

We have a spare bedroom with a small double in or there is a double sofa bed in dd's study/snug. Visitors can choose between them.

There's nothing wrong with warming milk in the microwave if you shake it well & test it. But the milk powder does initially need to be made with water over 70deg. I'd have a kettle in there instead & cold water to add to get it to the correct temperature as I prefer it made fresh. But this is derailing the thread, I'm sure the OP is happy with her formula arrangements.

canary1

I though it was going to be for 'parents' or an elderly Aunt or something. For your self important & selfish brother when a) you have a guest room & b) HE said he'd prefer the other room - Fuck off Fred. Knob.

Can you get DH to 'fiddle with his phone' and capture the look on your brothers face when he realises little sister hasn't done as instructed requested. Please! Tosser.

Wow entitled much?! I started reading your OP expecting you to say you were using the only two bedrooms and asking them to sleep on a sofa bed or blow up bed - there was a thread like this a few weeks ago.

You cannot have even for a second doubted that you are being completely reasonable! They are getting a proper double bed in their own room. Pop a new pair of earplugs on their pillows

Be blunt. Guest room and holiday Inn are available. What Bogeyface said - adapted to the style of your normal communication (he doesn't sound like a "Hey bro' " kinda guy! )

Do they have any kids of their own? Maybe they really don't get why you having the set up you have for now helps so much. Nice to hear about such a great DH too. Mine was good, but as I was breastfeeding couldn't be such a help, your set up sounds brilliant!

Actually, I would be inclined to ignore being drawn into any discussion and just keep repeating - "the guest room will be ready for you" "looking forward to your visit" until they arrive. (And have a holiday inn business card at the ready for any complaints)

I can't get my head around a conversation in which the room was mentioned at all tbh. Do people go into that level of detail with their soon-to-be guests?

extrahot sorry, but it's part of my job to make sure that formula is prepared safely. Not trying to derail the thread, just don't want other people reading it and thinking that it's ok, it is definitely not advised to hear milk in a microwave. www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/pages/making-up-infant-formula.aspx

As the host for a couple of nights I would have offered the quieter room. However as the guest I wouldn't have asked my hosts to change their arrangements.

No, they aren't Pearlman but people could be reading this who haven't made up formula before and thinking that it's ok. It was one comment that wouldn't have derailed the thread apart from people arguing about it derailing the thread!

pullthecracker ODFOD.

Microwave isn't recommended as there is a danger of hotspots, as I'm quite sure the OP and her DH know. Anyone who has ever read an instruction about preparing formula knows this. And also knows that the risk is totally negated if you shake like crazy every time. I've somehow managed to use one to heat every bottle I ever used and never once scalded a baby.

Also it does not need to be made fresh each time, again you're just quoting best practice but actually it's also fine if, made with water 70C, cooled fast and properly refrigerated/used same day.

You act like you are passing on some essential gem of wisdom that only a professional would know

Ok, thanks, I'll do just that, and will let the NHS know that they are wrong in their advice about reheating milk and links to gastroenteritis. Thank you for your gem of wisdom also.