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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ain't in being upset at partners family visiting?

65 replies

Kmoggy · 16/07/2016 21:34

I have 11 month twins and 5 weeks away from having no 3. I can't decide whether Its hormones and crankiness causing me to feel this way or if I have a right to be upset!
My twins will be 1 in Aug, 5 days before my due date and we are having a party for them. His family are from down south (we are in Scotland) and he has invited his elderly grandparents up for it not for 1 night but for 4 nights 5 days! I'm furious as to be honest the last thing I want is having to look after 2 house guests for that amount of time, plan and organise a party for 40. So I tried to say to my partner that he better take the fri off work and entertain them so I don't need to but he can't get it off.. So now the fri before my boys birthday I need to have his grandparents sitting about in my house. My partner says they can help but how can they? His grandad can barely walk to end of street and bk and his gran is partially blind! Plus I can't get them in my car with the kids too!
So his mum is up tonight and I mentioned it to her that I'm a bit stressed about it as I don't want to leave them for 5 days sitting in house in hope she might have a word with them! She's only gone and openly suggested to his sister that she should come up on the fri to help, this would mean her sleep in on my sofa! 😁😁 I'm about to have a melt down... His sister is a soiled brat who doesn't lift a finger when here ever to help and plays dumb when her mum asks her to do anything so how on earth she can help me prepare food and bake a cake is beyond me.. Plus I don't need help, what I need is no one in my house for more than 1 night 5 days before I have a baby!!
Today I have had to talk to his mum and sis all day coz he doesn't and then he just said at 9 pm I'm going to bed! I was like emmmm no your not in going for a shower to wash my hair, then text him from upstairs to say how can he expect me to entertain his family all the time when he makes no effort himself? I'm 8 months pregnant and could do with a bit of peace and quiet but I'm not rude and wouldn't leave my guests sitting in their own all night!

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 16/07/2016 22:25

Why are you so afraid to just put your foot down and say NO. Tell him it is not your job to entertain his bloody family while you are heavily pregnant and taking care of 11 month old twins! Cancel grandparents and spoilt sister. Just tell them you are not up to the visits. Your priority right now should be yourself.

Original poster
Kmoggy · 16/07/2016 22:30

Hmmmm I wish I could but mil just told me that she booked their rail tickets. Also I'm worried that it's going to backfire on me when my mum needs to stay over.. Which will be often over winter as she lives 3 hrs away and wants to come help.

OP posts:
Mycatsabastard · 16/07/2016 22:31

Am I the only one thinking how impressive it is that the op managed to have sex at least once when she had tiny twin babies?

I think you should tell the grandparents not to come, say they can come up another time and stay with other relatives. Or in a hotel. Your husband needs a boot up the arse. It's fine inviting lots of people to stay when you don't need to feed them, clean up, change bedding et while looking after twins and being the size of a small house.

Original poster
Kmoggy · 16/07/2016 22:45

Haha I know it must have been sleepy sex! Turns out they were right... You really are really fertile after giving birth 😂😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Kmoggy · 16/07/2016 22:48

Thanks for everyone's replies, I think I'll tell Dp that they need to stay in hotel and tell mil that sister can't stay either.

OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/07/2016 22:52

I'd tell MIL she shouldn't have booked the tickets and can she get a refund as you are going to have to cancel them. No way should they be coming to stay then and your DH is VVVVVU to land this on you when he is so useless.

He won't cancel it so do it yourself. And tough if he wants to get funny about your mum coming to help. She's actually coming to help. That's the difference.

Ivorbig1 · 16/07/2016 23:02

I'd book a hotel, for myself !!
Not sure on your age, but I was like you, too nervous to say ... Errrr actually, that's not happening.... I'm older and more assertive miserable now and would tell him straight, they are his relatives, they are his responsibly. Cry a lot, and if you go into labour ffs tell him and mean it, you are not coming home from the hospital until everyone has gone !!! I fucking wish I had! I still kick myself. Having to come home to a house full was hell... Good luck ,,, tell him no and make him worry like you are. It's not fucking on, to be expecting you 9 months pregnant, ready to drop, looking after twins, and him dumping 3 adults on you.

Kittykatmacbill · 16/07/2016 23:07

At 5 days before the due date, I both my pair were born. Tbc I wouldn't have wanted to attend a bbq at 39 or 38 or even 37 weeks, you are utterly bonkers to consider hosting it, let alone the house guest bit.

Shizzlestix · 17/07/2016 00:04

No-one should dream of imposing themselves days before your due date: are they totally clueless? I think YABU to organise a party for one year olds who neither know nor care, especially to this stage of your pregnancy but the GPS are hugely unreasonable to think it's ok to stay and your DH needs to,tell them so and book them into a hotel. It's mad.

coconutpie · 17/07/2016 00:27

No way should they be staying. Your DH is a bloody idiot. Tell them that they'll have to stay in a hotel. Put yourself first. You will be almost 40 weeks pregnant and dealing with toddler twins. No fucking way should you be having unhelpful house guests.

BackforGood · 17/07/2016 00:57

The bit that is unreasonable, is the fact you are arranging a party for 40 people, 5 days before your due date, even before you throw into the mix that you have 11 month old twins to look after Shock

To be fair, when his Grandparents do come to stay, he's quite right it needs to be for a few days - you can't get people who sound as elderly as they are to travel that far and go home the next day.
Is there no-one amongst the 40 odd local people you have in your family who might put them up and look after them for a few days?

Original poster
Kmoggy · 17/07/2016 03:33

No not really.. How can I expect people to look after 2 elderly people that they don't know?? Plus who would want to?? My family have their own kids to look after. So I'm afraid that's not an option. Mil so still here so I'll just say to her that if baby arrives then the gp will need to stay in hotel

OP posts:
EveEve13 · 17/07/2016 03:54

Are your friggin kidding?
Grandparents cannot stay in house with twins and a heavily pregnant mum.. 1 night maybe, not 4! Say no now or just accept that you will always be walked on... If you cannot win an argument now, I worry for your future. Get them an air bnb place or with your family.. They can stay with your family (hard luck re strangers! They will get to into them) or get a refund on train tickets.. I am sure they got an aged discount, so do not worry re $

Put your foot down and say: I can do a 3hr party (I hope!) with twins while heavily pregnant but not house guests. I am sorry I did not realise it earlier but I am not super woman. MILLS, sort out their accom with my mum - I cannot deal with this.

Be strong for your sanity.

EveEve13 · 17/07/2016 03:56

You can expect your family to help you.. By looking after the grandparents.
So change your attitdue or else just accept that you (by not saying no with a million valid reasons) are going to have a really tough week.. Unless you have a massive house?

OlennasWimple · 17/07/2016 04:02

Is there a local travelodge type place you can book for them? And just tell them that's where they're staying

Original poster
Kmoggy · 17/07/2016 04:17

... I know I feel like I'm making excuses, I'm just struggling with approaching this as I don't want to argue or uoset any one. Yeah there is a travel lodge down the rd. I feel like I'm taking my anger DH out on them. I just feel like it's all of a sudden happening without anyone asking how I feel about it.. I mean mil booking train tickets after telling me the other night not to stress and she will talk to me on sat about it. Then my DH, this was just a discussion before and nothing was set and now trains are booked😁 I'm prob just moaning now and going around in circles. You are right I either need to put up or shut up.

OP posts:
deathtoheadlice · 17/07/2016 04:50

You being upset is JUST AS IMPORTANT as anyone else. More so they aren't pregnant! Don't be so afraid of not pleasing others. They should be making sure you're all right, not you martyring yourself to make them feel ok. Stand up for yourself. Your MIL is playing on your passivity, booking those tickets so if there are consequences it's down to her to take responsibility. Hope you can sort it out.

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 17/07/2016 05:39

If anyone suggested this idea to me - house guests, party, never mind three babies in a year, I'd thoroughly enjoy upsetting them. So much so, that they would never darken my doorstep again...

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/07/2016 05:40

I would also be booking the Travel Lodge - for myself! Get out of there - leave them to it, so your stupid H can see exactly how fucking much help they all are.

hesterton · 17/07/2016 05:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kallyno · 17/07/2016 05:59

Utter lunacy. Man, you've got some cheeky thoughtless freeloaders in your in-law family!

When you wake up just tell your husband that you have thought about it but it's more than you can cope with and you don't want to put any more stress on yourself for your own and the baby's sake. Be firm but reasonable and don't budge. He needs to call his mother immediately and make new arrangements for the elderly rellies and the soiled (haha) sister. You'll feel like a shit for a few days (though you have no reason to but you sound super nice so you will) but then when they have made appropriate arrangements that don't involve railroading a heavily pregnant mother of twin babies into mothering everyone you will be relieved and can look forward to your birth and the party.

Firm, resolute but reasonable "no way" and do it now so there is as much time as possible for them to rearrange. Husband might strop, ditto in-laws but in time they will chalk it up to pregnancy hormones or some such.

Gaspard · 17/07/2016 06:03

Go and stay at the travelodge and inform your DH that's what you're doing and leave him to it.

Original poster
Kmoggy · 17/07/2016 07:11

No my mil won't be here until the day of the party and is staying in a hotel but invited sister to stay at my house on sat and sun to " help" . I know she prob doesn't mean bad by it. I just like into travel lodge hotel and it's about £400 for the 4 nights 😁 So prob going to need to reshuffle trains instead as I can't expect them to pay this and we can't afford to pay it for them x

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 17/07/2016 07:53

Cancel it all.
2 weeks before say the doctor has recommended peace and quiet and bed rest so everything is cancelled.
They've shown no consideration for you so you do the same.
If anyone does show up you can have a "hormonal tantrum."
This is all the fault of your DH. He's a twat who had no care or consideration for you.

emilybrontescorset · 17/07/2016 09:13

All your dhs fault.

Are you going to challenge him over it or allow him to walk all over you?

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