AIBU to ask how many of you have secrets you don't tell a soul?

[anotheroneofmeagain]

Just that really. How many people have a secret or secrets so big or disturbing that they can't utter them to a soul.

Also if you do how on earth do you stop it driving you totally insane?!

Yes. My best friend knows, but she'll take it to her grave.

Oh, I have loads. I'm a very secretive person and tend to keep things to myself even if no one would care about hearing about them. But some of my secrets are much darker. I'm extremely good at compartmentalising though and not letting it affect my every day life.

Yes, I do. But it doesn't bother me because one of them is something I don't want others to know and another is not my secret to tell. Keeping these secrets feels right.

Nope, I am a blurter.
In fact, if someone is about to tell me something and says 'can you keep a secret?' I say NO
DC know that if they tell me something it is EXACTLY the same as telling DH...I tell him everything

I want to know all your secrets though :)

Secrets quite often come out later anyway. It's very few things that can be kept hidden forever. As long as they don't impact on anyone else then it's fine but sometimes hidden secrets come out which can massively impact on others.

Cryptic I know but having spent today uncovering another load of facts about my birth mother and the huge mess she left behind, the secrets kept by extended family and the lies told to us, the children, I am slightly bitter.

I have one I will take to my grave, although there is one other person who knows it, out of necessity at the time. Telling anyone else would only cause harm, and god knows it fucks with my own head enough when I remember it.

If I had, I wouldn't admit it on an open public forum.

Of course. Doesn't everyone?

There are ways to come to terms with these things another but it's not immediate by any means. What you need to tell yourself will obviously depend on the secret though.

For example, though one of my secrets has screwed me up a bit, telling it wouldn't bring an ounce of good. In fact, as it involves a well loved and deceased family member, it'd either shake the family to the core and traumatise others, the only benefit being I'd be sharing the burden, or I'd be called a lier and people would fall out with me. I choose instead to take it to my grave. I can't tell a soul for fear of the consequences.

Another one would vastly change people's opinions of me. It's one of those things that people would think about while talking to me trying to act normally. It's not how I want people to think of me so I don't tell anyone.

If it's something that's really getting to you, I'd logic the shit out of it until something like the above is cemented into your mind. I'm not a therapy person myself but I suppose that option is there too for some secrets.

Holesinthefloor - my gp arranged for me to see a therapist for anxiety but I could not tell her so ended up talking about trivial little things instead.

The only person who knows is the other person involved and it's pretty much how it's going to have to stay - mentioning even a whiff of it to anyone would basically destroy my life and the lives of my family.

I have lots. Nothing I'd call massive but plenty that could really hurt people. I don't think about them much.

Nope! I'm rubbish. I told my daughter to keep a secret from her sister the other day. They both had school concerts, but their dad could only go to one because of work commitments. It was the older daughters concert that he could go to so I told her not to tell her sister because it would upset her. Then when we picked the younger one up I immediately said 'We've been to see DC1 singing!' #twat

I have 1 and it is actually quite a sad one. However I know spilling the beans on it will make someone who is grieving hurt even more so I dont tell (it is not something nasty as such just something I know they will dearly regret not having done)

Yes yes yes.

I do. Ten years on, I have come to terms with keeping the 'secrets' and have become quite good at it. After a long time you realise that the best thing you did was not telling everyone everything.

Letting it out would only hurt people so there is no need.

All I would say is... don't feel you have to reveal everything, everyone is entitled to something of themselves that doesn't belong to everyone so it's no big deal. I live for today and I'm not a bad person so I can live with keeping secrets.

Interesting thread.

I work with high profile people who literally pay me to keep their secrets! I've never had a problem in keeping them.

Yes, i have several that I haven't and wouldn't tell anyone.

No I don't. I had a big secret once, and it was a head fuck. I'm a worrier and it stopped me enjoying life. It was such a relief when it came out even though it set everything into a total fucking uproar that changed the course of my life. Totally worth it just to have it out in the open though.

That's why I could never have an affair or do something bad even though there was a guarantee I would never be found out. I would just worry myself to death.

I know some big secrets about other people but they don't bother me the same way because it's not me involved.

I have a couple of secrets I will take to my grave, because my world and my loved ones worlds are better with them not knowing.

I also have different secrets bubbling that will come out eventually, and my anxiety issues will be so much better when they do, regardless of the fallout

Well, there's secrets and secrets.

There's things I'd rather people didn't know the details of, but nothing that would change the course of my life.

Regret is a wasted emotion; I just choose to be a better person now.

Nope, not a single one.

I have a huge one. I made the mistake of telling an ex partner and ex best friend and the fallout was horrific.

I now have a new dp and new friends and wont be uttering a word to anyone. My past is my own and I dont owe it to anyone to bare my soul , especially if it has no effect on them or the future.

None. I'm surprised so many people do.

Oh I was told one but it was told to a small group of us and it's third hand so a few people know but not the person it would hurt. Don't think it counts as a secret when so many know. I never told anyone else anyway.

Yes, but doesn't everyone? I know some things that would totally blow friendships apart if they came out, but they are all locked in the vault...until I need to throw everyone under the bus to save myself

Yes, a couple of huge and quite horrifying ones. Even typing about it makes me feel ill with anxiety, it's not even 'about me' really. Almost ruined my life though, still get judged by people who will never know the truth (to keep the other person safe, I honestly think their life may be at risk if it came out). Keeping big secrets takes a huge toll on mental well being, I pity anyone who has to live with it.