To consider moving to Seoul Korea

[BeauBellBlack]

I've been offered a great promotion at work but the job is based in Seoul Korea, The contract is for a minimum of 4 years. I would then have the option to relocate back to the UK and it starts in December.

I've been working so hard to get to this point in my career and I'm desperate to accept, the only issue, is that I have 2 DC's with ExH, DS(8) & DD(6)

We don't have a court order custody and he's not very involved in their lives. He sees them one weekend a month but more over the holidays, he also doesn't pay for any sort of maintenance but he loves them to bits and I know he'll fight me on this.

So practical questions: do custody disputes get settled within 4 months?
If not would I be able to take them or would he be able to get an order that says I can't? Would I be able to dispute the order?
ExH also has another child, another on the way and a DP, would any of that be taken into consideration?

Schools in Korea start in March, I've already contacted an International School that says they do have spaces available for the coming school year but I'd have to apply quickly, so the plan would be to get there for the beginning of December & the kids will get an early summer holiday before starting a new school year.

They'd come back to the UK for holidays, so it isn't like he won't see them for 4 whole years.

It's unlikely a promotion like this will come up again for a number years

Would it be utterly unreasonable to all of them for me to do this

that should be the sewage systems AREN'T great, not are great. They are definitely not great. :P

I hardly think "you won't like the food" is relevant. The OP will be living there so presumably cooking for herself so can have anything she wants.

There is a massive difference between a British woman trying to integrate into Korean society with a Korean husband and a woman joining the ex pat community and having children who are clearly not half Korean.

What about a sit down meeting with the EX and his partner?

I think this sounds like an amazing opportunity - for your career and for the DC to experience.

1. Could you offer EX most of the holidays and 2 plane tickets per year to come out to Korea?

1. Or, what about the other way around. EX has the kids in the UK term time and you have Korea for the holidays.

Call his bluff with no.2 - if you say you have to take this job (career progression and salary, especially as you receive no maintenance) then it has to be either option 1 or 2, you might find EX/his partner doesn't mind you all going to Korea after all...

I don't know enough about the dad issue but wanted to say congrats and what a fantastic life opportunity to live there for you and your kids. Hope the discussions go well with your ex

Some good news, I spoke to ExH briefly last night & then sent the email, my company is willing to cover 3 trips every year. So the plan I put forward was that DCs will visit twice and he'll visit once.

We met up this morning to talk and he was far more receptive then I anticipated.

I've made it clear to him that I will 100% be leaving, the only thing to decide was if the kids would be staying with him or coming with me. (Although I'd never consider leaving them, their's no reason for him to know that)

He had no desire to be the primary carer & understood how important this was to me. He's not happy about it but he's agreed to seriously consider it.

I'm going to try and get a solicitor to write up some sort of agreement so that he can't back out.

I'm sure it will be a massive culture shock, so we'll have to start reading up & preparing ourselves. We're white but the post about racism came as a surprise to me, I haven't given things like that much thought.

Great news BeauBellBlack

Like any country in the world Korea has its good points and low points. Yes, there is racism, but you could say the same about a lot of places. If you have any questions about the country feel free to PM me (although I did leave in 2005 so my info is just a tad out of date!).

In many countries peope don't even think of racism in relation to their choice of words. In Latin America we were often referee to as Gringo, as in a shop assistant checking something and saying their boss "these Gringos are asking for x" and in DD's school a teacher went into a full on rant about "the English" before she realised two of her pupils were British.

Glad Ex seems amenable and good idea getting an agreement drawn up.

refered to Bloody predictive text

beau that's brilliant news.

I hope you get something sorted soon.

As far as the racism goes- to an extent, you'll be in an ex-pat bubble of international schools and international work. Yes, cultures and values are different- but we're very lucky in the UK to live in the society with the values we do (overlooking a couple of huge Brexit shaped xenophobic ranting recently, and making some huge generalisations) but you can live in a country without condoning attitudes held by some groups in that country.

The benefits your children will recieve will far outweigh the negatives, I'm sure.

Good luck!

Hi OP,

Not sure if it will be any help to you, I've read a thread on reddit yesterday from someone who's done exactly what you're considering (apart from the kids/exH issue) it's an update, a year after they've relocated.

Reddit link

Pleased he seems receptive to the idea. Have you considered what you will do if the kids don't want to go and he won't take them as the primary cater though