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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really pissed off at a friend who asked me about money?

31 replies

CoolToned · 16/07/2016 11:20

Eight years ago, friend and I needed separate bank drafts for an overseas application. The bank's policy was only those with account in the bank could purchase a bank draft. This friend asked if I could purchase the bank draft, and he paid me for it. The draft was in his name.

Our respective bank drafts were returned to us because the rules changed and we no longer qualified. I encashed mine, and told him to go to the bank and do the same.

Now eight years later, he said he found the bank draft when he was looking for his old passports. And he asked if the money was either not deducted to my account or returned to my account since the institution (not the bank, the place we were applying to) sent back the bank draft.

I got pissed because if it was returned to me (and it would not be because it is a bank draft in HIS name, and even the one in my name, I had to go to the bank to encash) I would have returned the money to him. I felt offended that he even thought it was possible that the money was returned to me and I did not give it to him.

Am I overreacting?

There has been no money incident between us prior to this issue and we have known each other for 20 years.

OP posts:
Griphook · 16/07/2016 11:28

Yes your over reacting

MorticiaLiverish · 16/07/2016 11:28

Yes, I think you are overreacting.

fuzzywuzzy · 16/07/2016 11:30

Maybe he doesn't know how bank drafts work?

Tell him how you dealt with yours and that you have not received his money add if you had you would have returned it to him immediately. He needs to speak to issuer of the bank draft not you.

He might just not know.

Original poster
CoolToned · 16/07/2016 11:32

When I got my bank draft (many years ago), I told him to encash his too.

OP posts:
Whathaveilost · 16/07/2016 11:32

Si think you need to chill your beans!
Blimey if a friend can't ask you that....?

NCforPCN · 16/07/2016 11:33

You are over reacting, of course he's OK to just ask if you knew anything

Original poster
CoolToned · 16/07/2016 11:33

And yes, I explained to him what a bank draft is, gave a link to an online article, and told him although there was no way the money was returned to me, if it was, I would have returned it to him immediately.

His response was, "ok hahaha"

OP posts:
Sosostris · 16/07/2016 11:33

You are overreacting. He didn't know, so he asked. What's wrong with that?

M00nUnit · 16/07/2016 11:37

Yes you're over reacting. He's done nothing wrong by asking you.

PenelopePitstops · 16/07/2016 11:39

You massively over reacted. He asked a simple question about something he didn't fully understand.

Do you always react to things like this?

Original poster
CoolToned · 16/07/2016 11:39

I felt offended because I just thought he knows me well enough to know that if it was returned to me, I would have returned it to him immediately. Plus I told him to encash that bank draft.

OP posts:
OurBlanche · 16/07/2016 11:45

YABU... really you are.

He asked a question, he accepted your response.

Maybe the accusation you see in his question is more to do with how you feel about it than how he does!

LikeIGiveAFrock · 16/07/2016 11:47

OTT from you
They didn't mean to insult you

Original poster
CoolToned · 16/07/2016 11:50

OurBlanch - what do you mean by "how you feel about it than how he does"?

OP posts:
pictish · 16/07/2016 11:52

Yes you're overreacting. It was fine for him to ask you that. You are taking it as a slight against your integrity...it wasn't.

OurBlanche · 16/07/2016 11:53

I mean that you may have read an accusation / insult into it when all he was thinking was "Shit, that's that bankers draft thingy! I wonder what happened to the money? Wonder if I can still get it back? Maybe I did? I know, I'll ask Cool..."

And you heard "Cool, did you keep my money from that bankers draft thingy?"

SirChenjin · 16/07/2016 11:54

Yes - OTT reaction. He asked a perfectly reasonable question and presumably he's a decent sort or you wouldn't have been friends with him for so long - in which case, why the umbrage? He's a friend fgs, cut him some slack.

branofthemist · 16/07/2016 11:57

Total over reaction.

Becky546 · 16/07/2016 12:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/07/2016 12:11

Your friend sounds quite dim.

Shit, that's that bankers draft thingy! I wonder what happened to the money? Wonder if I can still get it back? Maybe I did? I know, I'll ask Cool..."

I don't know how anyone could find an uncashed bank draft or cheque or even a gift token and come to the conclusion above.

If however he really is that dim I agree it's a bit insulting to you to think that money from a bank draft addressed to him which magically appeared in your account would be kept by you.

SirChenjin · 16/07/2016 12:13

In which case, do you want dim friends who would be so thick as to think that of you OP Hmm

OurBlanche · 16/07/2016 12:28

Crikey! Lass does that mean you know everything about everything?

Even the thickest of the thick of all the truly thick people you judge know, will know things you have no clue about. Meh!

Hassled · 16/07/2016 12:37

I don't understand why people think the OP is over-reacting - effectively the friend has said "Oi - have you nicked my money?" and she's pissed off, as I'd be in an old friend accused me of robbing them. Have I misunderstood?

SirChenjin · 16/07/2016 12:49

My take on it is that the friend didn't understand the bank draft process (not sure I do tbh, dim me up), found the draft years later, asked a couple of questions about it, OP has taken them to mean he's accusing her of stealing the money - when his reaction seems to indicate anything but.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 16/07/2016 13:10

Crikey! Lass does that mean you know everything about everything?

I'm perplexed how an adult, who was apparently adult enough to be applying for some sort of overseas placement, could find a cheque, because that is what a bank draft is, in his name with the words pay insert his name and then come to the conclusion posited.