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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP drunk home at 1.30am

81 replies

CrankyFrankyMum · 16/07/2016 01:38

Not awful as a one off but we have a wedding tomorrow (his friends).
He went out for a drink after work which left me with two young children and a dog to walk in the rain. Him going out also meant I had to cancel my work end of term get together. I have spent the evening getting dog stuff ready to go to the kennels tomorrow (due to wedding) and getting kids washed and packed to go to grandparents tomorrow (due to wedding). He knows that we have an early start tomorrow and he has to drive the dog to the kennels whilst I take DC to grandparents.

He has come home just now stinking drunk and will be good for nothing in the morning. Defiantly not legally safe to drive .
AIBU to expect him to stop after a couple knowing our plans tomorrow? He is 35 years old!

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 16/07/2016 07:54

It seems to me that part of why he did this is confidence that you would pick up the pieces and make everything happen on Saturday.

The day is almost spent already, but I second the idea of dropping off the DCs and then getting ready and going yourself, leaving him to deal with the dog and whatever else he relies on you to help with on occasions like a wedding - finding socks, shirt, etc..

But I love the spa idea too.

You need to put your foot down, OP, and not be so quick to take up his slack.

mathanxiety · 16/07/2016 07:55

Not day but morning..

IdaDown · 16/07/2016 08:14

If your not fussed about going to the wedding, I'd load up the car with dog and kids. Drop them off and go somewhere you actually want to go.

If they're both overnights I'd book into somewhere like a Premier Inn (cheap n cheerful), have a mooch around some shops/galleries/museums/cinema. Anything that you don't normally have the time or be pester free for.

Have a peaceful night in hotel. Lie in, no early morning dog walk.

BertrandRussell · 16/07/2016 08:18

Yeah/ because not turning up at a wedding you have said you'll go to because "you're not fussed" isn't rude at all Hmm

43percentburnt · 16/07/2016 08:20

Id drop the kids at grandparents, then go out for the day. I'm not a massive fan of weddings and certainly not a fan if I don't know the bride and groom too well.

I'd leave DH with the dog and let him make the apologies to the B and G. I certainly wouldn't be rushing around whilst he nurses his hangover.

I'm not sure why his night out took precedent over yours, especially as the evening needed to be spent getting stuff ready for his friend's wedding.

MerryInthechelseahotel · 16/07/2016 08:22

Don't understand people saying she should go to the wedding alone!

43percentburnt · 16/07/2016 08:26

Bert - that's a very good point - especially if you have been invited to the entire day. Shame ops DH hadn't thought of the impact on his friends, potentially turning up late, hungover stinking of booze. I guess he expects wifey to pick up the pieces and sort everything out.

NashvilleQueen · 16/07/2016 08:41

I think you will need to see what happens when he wakes up. He's fucked up royally but may apologise profusely, sort his shit out and make every effort to give you a lovely day. Anything less and you're entitled to be really annoyed with him. Not sure why your (pre-planned) evening out gave way to his impromptu drinks.

You can't go to the wedding alone. That's the stuff of soap operas I'm afraid. They're his mates and you'll set yourself up for a long and uncomfortable day unless you know a good number of the other guests. If he can't make it then he will have to explain why and then you can push off leaving him with the dog and the children to deal with.

puglife15 · 16/07/2016 09:20

I would drop kids off, get ready to go except maybe not put dress on, and then chill at home. Give him a shove to tell him he still needs to sort the dog as planned, as it is a bit rude to miss a wedding at such short notice even if it's not your fault at all. I'd hide the car keys though.

If he can't get his shit together in time though, go and do something nice for the day yourself. Like a spa day ;)

Charley50 · 16/07/2016 09:34

I think he's been a twat, especially because you missed your night out. However, I get the feeling you weren't/ aren't that bothered about your night out, but more that he is going to be so useless today. (If you did want to go out last night, I think he's bang out of order).

Anyway he's the chump whose going to be hungover at the wedding and not drinking so he can drive you home. Have a good day.

Charley50 · 16/07/2016 09:36

Btw I agree with everyone who says you can't not go to the wedding.

StealthPolarBear · 16/07/2016 09:40

Yes why did you have to miss your night out?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 16/07/2016 09:45

why did you let him go for drinks when you already had plans?

CuboidalSlipshoddy · 16/07/2016 09:51

Of course you don't need to go your husband's friends' wedding in his place if he is pissed. His circus. His monkeys. His cancellation.

gobbin · 16/07/2016 09:56

I've been in a slightly similar situation, the difference being we were going abroad the next day (and it was a wedding we'd been to where he got plastered and didn't want to come home as he was having a great time, he suggested kipping on a hotel room floor with his cousin).

I made ABSOLUTELY damn sure that DH was up with the rest of us pulling his weight, hangover or not. It involved a lot of shouting noise to get him moving but holy shit he'd not do that again as long as I breathe.

We caught the plane 😎

XiCi · 16/07/2016 09:57

Why did you agree he could have a few drinks while you miss your end of term night out? Sounds like you are so compliant he thinks he can do whatever the fuck he likes

alltouchedout · 16/07/2016 10:07

I wouldn't have given up my night out, but that's unhelpful as it has happened now. I suppose I'd have to race around this morning getting dc and dogs where they need to be and give up any idea of taking a decent time to get ready myself, so as not to let down the people getting married etc. But oh my god I would be furious and he'd know about it. I would be drinking today. He wouldn't. And when we were all home after the wedding he'd get a bollocking that would make a hangover seem like a beautiful dream. What an irresponsible and selfish little tosser.

Branleuse · 16/07/2016 10:07

walkover

ifonly4 · 16/07/2016 10:09

By the time I'm replying, you'll have already decided what's happening. However, I'd have been tempted to rush getting ready (he can unpack car the other end while you're touching your makeup up, doing whatever you need to), do all the driving in the morning and then do your share of drinking later today and he can drive home. By the way, he'll be on childcare tomorrow morning if you want an extra hour in bed!

Hope you had a nice day in the end.

witsender · 16/07/2016 10:09

I'd be a wee bit pissed off, but if it isn't a regular I'd just shrug, tease him and work round it. Much as he would do for me.

missybct · 16/07/2016 10:13

In answer to the question - no, you're not being unreasonable, at all. If he's not normally inconsiderate, I'd be pissed off but I wouldn't be raging. If this is another way of being inconsiderate (e.g; he's inconsiderate in general, not just about going out and getting shit-faced) I'd be wanting to have a serious chat with him to work out where the boundaries are.

Either way, I hope you enjoy your day. I feel your frustration - my DP is very often "absent-minded" about plans cue much rushing Grin

Nocabbageinmyeye · 16/07/2016 10:21

Wasn't there a thread a while back where "spa day" was unanimously voted the most annoying reply on mn?? I'm pretty sure there was. It is annoying but in the context of this thread it's just fucking ridiculous altogether

Highlandfling80 · 16/07/2016 10:49

Hope you still have a good day op

Bellyrub1980 · 16/07/2016 15:28

How's the Spa?

Original poster
CrankyFrankyMum · 17/07/2016 14:59

Thanks for all your responses. It's lovely that there is somewhere to speak freely and in confidence and find that people are kind enough to be bothered to read your concerns and answer them.
Ended up driving my DC to their grandparents. Cancelled kennels and asked a neighbour to pop in a few times to check on dog. My DP eventually woke with a hangover and got himself ready. I made my thoughts known to him and he apologised. We were cutting it fine to get to the wedding where we had a lovely time and he drove us home so I could have a few drinks.
I have to let it go now - no point holding a grudge but definitely lesson learnt next time.

OP posts: