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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP drunk home at 1.30am

81 replies

CrankyFrankyMum · 16/07/2016 01:38

Not awful as a one off but we have a wedding tomorrow (his friends).
He went out for a drink after work which left me with two young children and a dog to walk in the rain. Him going out also meant I had to cancel my work end of term get together. I have spent the evening getting dog stuff ready to go to the kennels tomorrow (due to wedding) and getting kids washed and packed to go to grandparents tomorrow (due to wedding). He knows that we have an early start tomorrow and he has to drive the dog to the kennels whilst I take DC to grandparents.

He has come home just now stinking drunk and will be good for nothing in the morning. Defiantly not legally safe to drive .
AIBU to expect him to stop after a couple knowing our plans tomorrow? He is 35 years old!

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 16/07/2016 06:34

I would be more upset that I missed my end of term night out. Had he promised to stay with the children? Did he know you had a night out organised.? I would be livid to miss something l planned duty to my dh not being there to take over.

Goingtobeawesome · 16/07/2016 06:46

Don't not go to the wedding to spite him if the wedding couple would be disappointed. They've paid for your meals etc. Maybe your h could refund them..

Twowrongsdontmakearight · 16/07/2016 06:49

Acrossthepond voiced my thoughts exactly. My 'punishment' would be to quietly get myself ready, take DC then come home and read a book or play on MN drinking coffee while he overslept or fumbled around incapable in the morning. I'd offer no help at all but just make sure he didn't try to drive DDog. Taxi costs to come out of his beer money!

borntobequiet · 16/07/2016 06:51

If he's not fit to drive dog to kennels, leave him at home with the dog. Take kids to GPs and go to wedding on your own. Tell everyone why.
Enjoy your day.

MephistoMarley · 16/07/2016 06:52

How come you missed your night out?

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 16/07/2016 06:58

I would imagine as she had to stay in with the kids MephistoMarley

maxeffort0satisfaction · 16/07/2016 07:03

he is an adult if he wants to get drunk he can. its not helpful or nice or cooperative but ffs give it a rest. he probably is ok to drive. you're exaggerating so much.

confusedandemployed · 16/07/2016 07:04

I'm with junebirthdaygirl. I can't get worked up over one big session, and if he suffers next day then so what? I'll still have a good time at the wedding. Kids / dog thing no big deal IME. It can be done by one if he really isn't fit to drive.

Gowing out if he knew he was due home while I went out....that would be a different matter. I'd be bloody livid about that.

BastardGoDarkly · 16/07/2016 07:11

Confused op missed her own end of term get together, had to prepare for the trip alone instead, note has to do the job of two this morning, all because her selfish dh couldn't come home a few hours earlier.

I'd be pissed off too op, would GPS be up for collecting the kids? Hope it all comes together and you have a nice day.

Original poster
CrankyFrankyMum · 16/07/2016 07:13

AcrossthePond55 - I couldn't do both journeys myself as the are in opposing directions. I have already had to get up at 6am to take DC to grandparents. I needed him to do the kennel journey.

puglife15 - yes we discussed before he went. I suggested he went for a couple but then came home and he agreed (esp as I was forgoing my evening so he could go to his). I think that's what bugs me more than him being drunk is the lack of consideration as to the effects.

Decided I can either a) take DC to grandparents and cancel kennels meaning we will have to leave wedding earlier than planned to get back to the dog.
b) forgo my 'getting ready at a leisurely pace' and rush to do both journeys if I can. Then drive us to the wedding with him driving home so that I can have a drink today.

OP posts:
confusedandemployed · 16/07/2016 07:14

Meh. Preparing for a trip is hardly that big a deal is it? Really?

I refer you to my second paragraph re night out.

BertrandRussell · 16/07/2016 07:17

The missing out on the party is a BIG deal- all this having to get two children ready all on her own is a distraction.

Original poster
CrankyFrankyMum · 16/07/2016 07:18

maxeffort0satisfaction - he cant remember how much he drank and finished about 6 hours ago. You are quite right he be might be ok to drive but might isn't good enough and not a risk I am prepared for him to take. Not just for his sake but anyone else on the road this morning.

OP posts:
WaitrosePigeon · 16/07/2016 07:20

I completely agree with confused

feckity · 16/07/2016 07:23

I don't understand why your planned evening out was dropped so that he could have a couple drinks after work?

Spandexpanties · 16/07/2016 07:24

It's utterly selfish of him. He knew both adults were going to have to pull their weight. If he had no commitments today, it would have been fine

Doobigetta · 16/07/2016 07:25

I'd be forcing him to drink, eat lots of lovely greasy food, have a dance, run around after the kids.... Being at a social event with a raging hangover is not fun- I'd build on that.

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 07:25

And the next time he wants you to cancel your work do so he can go out for a couple (wondering why his need to do so overrode your existing plans though ......why was it so important?) will you say no ?

Frankly I'd just get yourself ready and let him worry about the dogs and if you have to drop them on the way and it makes you late that's his problem.

(Personally I'd have left him to it and taken myself off to the coast to visit my best friend and not come back til tomorrow as I'd have no desire to spend the day with such a selfish git)

Spandexpanties · 16/07/2016 07:29

Did you both agree beforehand that he could stay for drinks and you would forego your event? Or did he just go for drinks and you had no choice but to miss your thing at last minute

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 07:31

I agree he shouldn't drive if he can't remember how much he drank. Is this a regular thing the not remembering ? My definition of a drink problem is when having a drink has a regular negative on yourself or those around you. Obviously only you know if he has a drink problem or if he's just a selfish git ....in which case you have an OH problem.

headinthecloud · 16/07/2016 07:36

I'd get up nice and cheery and look forward to the wedding. If he's anything like my husband with a hangover a big social event surrounded with people food and more alcohol would be punishment enough!

Bellyrub1980 · 16/07/2016 07:42

Are you going to go to the wedding OP? I favour the idea of rush about dropping kids and dogs off, so you can get ready at a leisurely pace (if that's still possible) and still go to the wedding alone if necessary. That's if you want to go to the wedding. But just out of principle I would. Just tell him calmly, or leave him a note saying he can catch up whenever he likes. Or he can simply pick up up at the end of the night.

But be sure to tell everyone the truth about why he's not there. Including the GP's (hopefully his parents??).

If you would rather not go to the wedding, it would be tempting to drop the kids to the GP's and tell them the full story and admit you'd rather go to a spa (why is a PP getting so much stick for suggesting a spa??? Am I missing something?) and see what they say. If they are happy to still have the kids while you do something for yourself, go for that instead.

justilou · 16/07/2016 07:43

This is when being an opera singer comes in really handy. You are going to be totally furious with this man in the morning. Can you not leave him at home and go without him - then tell his friends why he's not there?

justilou · 16/07/2016 07:44

I love the day spa idea too!

trafalgargal · 16/07/2016 07:53

I wouldn't particularly go to a wedding of the friends of my OH without him .....let alone have to field questions about his absence.

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