To want to give ds's PE teacher

[meowli]

a piece of my mind? Ds came home with a lovely report (yr 7), apart from PE, where he got a C - fine, and this comment - not fine imo.

"Ds is a pleasant student." "He is well motivated, keen to learn but lacking in confidence. He is not blessed with a huge amount of physical prowess (my bold), but he always gives his best effort. A productive year in which he has established a good platform. Target: To keep working hard, and with greater belief in your capabilities"

After reading the report, I knew ds would be upset, as he loves sport, and would love to do well, be picked for teams at school, events on sports day etc. but it never happens. He plays for a fairly successful junior football team outside school, and is regularly picked for the team, so is not by any means hopeless, but will realistically never get anywhere near school 'A' teams (or any teams) I don't suppose.

Of course, I didn't voice any of this to ds, just said well done for such a great report, at which point he grimaced and said had I read the PE comment, which said he didn't have any physical prowess.

I feel like emailing the teacher to say that if he wants to encourage ds's confidence and a greater belief in his capabilities, telling him that he is not blessed with a huge amount of physical prowess is not the best way of going about it.

AIBU and WWYD?

Totally wrong post!!! I never thought I would fall foul of this but totally just did...

Oh, I think you meant to post this on another thread

I was going to say, it would knock his confidence even more, if I tried to enrol the poor boy in Cubs (again)

Yes thread... Shall go and give myself a thousand lashings

Does he understand what lacking physical prowess actually means?

Yes, he does. He knows he's never going to be one of the best at sport. It's just a bit crushing for him to see it (rather gratuitously, imo) enshrined in his report.

I think its a little harsh and unneccasary myself. there are better ways of putting it.

YABU. My DD's report once said "DD, to be perfectly honest, hates all sport and isn't very good at it...having said that, she does try to join in and do her best at team sports so for that I congratulate her."

I actually agree with you OP. I think the teacher should have tried to find a better way to express him/herself. The statement "lacking in physical prowess" is a very final sort of statement. It implies that your ds could never change or improve since prowess is generally thought to be an innate quality.

The PE teachers in my school (1990s) were really dismissive of students who weren't physically gifted and pretty much wrote the rest of us off which probably explains why so many people simply don't exercise or play sports after leaving school because they were told they were no good (implication being that they never would be any good). What none of my PE teachers knew was that I was a competitive swimmer outside of school and was very good! In their eyes I was too short and not fast enough for netball, athletics etc... so I obviously would never be any good at sports!

I'd just try to reinforce with your ds that he is obviously good as he plays outside of school and his enjoyment of sport is far more important.

Yes it is harsh, but if it is the true then I don't think you can really complain. It is a fact of life though that we can't all be great at everything.

well, yes, you can complain because whilst school reports should of course be honest, there is a way of putting something.

My son is shit at school. he has learning difficulties and struggles with pretty much everything in an academic sense. his teacher would be utterly corrrect in saying 'Bob is shit at maths'. but she doesn't, because its not helpful.

its not about being great at everything either, its about phrasing things in a way that isn't going knock confidence and make things worse. 'Although XXX is not naturally sporty, he tries hard and this effort is showing in his progress'. says the same thing without the 'lacking in physical prowess' thing.

Exactly Great! Especially when it concerns sports. I think it's important to try to install enjoyment and motivation so that children will want to participate in exercise throughout their lives. I have so many friends who were told they were bad at sports in school, they couldn't wait to ditch exercise/sports after leaving school. Not a desirable outcome.

Thanks all upthread, for comments positive and negative. I try not to be a helicopter parent, and prob won't send an email, but I did feel a bit sad for ds, who loves sport so much.

Rain and Great have pretty much summed my feelings up, and I will certainly reinforce the pride ds takes in his football team, Rain. Thank you.

I probably wouldn't say anything to the teacher, but instead focus on your sons achievements and how proud of him you are.

Personally I would say something along the lines of suggesting the tactless teacher could phrase her reports for your DS more sensitively. I do sometimes wonder what business some people have being a teacher.

I think such a broad comment as lacking "physical prowess" for a subject as broad as PE is kind of lazy and possibly shows a very narrow view of what PE is. Is it that he lacks strength? Speed? Endurance? Coordination? Tactical acumen? Competitive edge? There are so many areas of PE to excel at and, especially given that he tries so hard, the teacher should at least have highlighted where your DS had the most potential.

Yabu the comment was encouraging while at the same time truthful. You can't expect to sugar coat or wrap him in cotton wool. Seems like you are the one making it a bigger deal rather than explaining to him that there is room for improvement.

It's a PE teacher, they have a one track mind, if you're no good at sports then you're a waste of time. Shame is that they're not good enough themselves to be real athletes.

Go in and set him straight.

I agree with you, and with what BoomBoom said.

'Physical prowess' is a Ridiculously sweeping term.

I grew up thinking I was rubbish at sport and that I might as well not bother, due to comments like this from teachers. It's true that I have no hand/eye coordination and am useless at team sports, as an adult I've discovered I'm really good at strength and endurance.

You can be honest about a child's performance in certain areas, without making a broad-brush pronouncement on his overall ability. Its not right, especially at such a young age.

PE teachers don't just have one track minds. There are great ones out there. My cousin is a PE teacher who has teams that win national championships in one sport. His favorite students are the ones that try. He doesn't care if they're no good, he wants to see effort. He tries to encourage kids towards the types of sport they are best suited to, but is happy to have an uncoordinated football player or a slow runner or a poor climber if they love it - because it's the love of participating that will carry them through the end of school PE lessons and set them up for a lifetime of activity. He doesn't put them in his A team, but he spends plenty of time encouraging and coaching them.

But it doesn't say he lacks physical prowess just that he's not blessed with a huge amount of it. And despite this he always gives his best effort. I'd tell ds to take it as a compliment. I imagine the pe teacher has lots of students who are not blessed with a huge amount of physical prowess and because of it don't make any effort at all.

Nevertheless Bo it fails to identify where the boy's relative strengths are and implies a division between "Those that are good at sport" and "Those that aren't". Which is even less helpful than telling a child they try hard but they just aren't blessed with a very mathematical mind and what they should do is just keep on trying.

Yabu.

never posted before on Mumsnet but this got my attention (and goat). I'm a Head of a school and a parent. My son got a "D" in his PE report and A-C in everything else. If you switched to an 'academic' subject and wrote "He is not blessed with a huge amount of natural intelligence, but always tries hard in maths", most people wouldn't be impressed. As Head, I wouldn't let a comment like that go as it implies a fixed quality that cannot change. I would have the teacher re-write it as "Although still developing the muscle tone/co-ordination/endurance to excel, his effort and attitude are exemplary". Having said that, as a parent I do get frustrated by the "teacher speak" in my own son's reports and would have liked this honesty alongside his "D". The issue to me is not with "physical prowess" BUT "blessed with" - they're the words that imply a fixed set of talents he was born with rather than something that can be developed and taught.

It is the sort of thing that might be found on a 1970s report not nowdays. Comment on the reply slip.

Yabu