To nearly be having a breakdown over this ?

[Embarrassment2016]

I have BDD. It's very, very difficult.

I avoid photos. I hate how I look in them and if someone has a camera I hide/get anxious/cry. It's a phobia and I do see someone about this but it's a long drawn out process

Recently dsis had a photo shoot (she is confident and beautiful) and asked me to go along when she saw her photos, which I did. Now I had NO idea but her reaction (with me in the background) was filmed :(
As soon as I found out the next day I panicked as I don't want to be in photos or a video

I w said I don't want this footage used anywhere no matter was dsis or the photographer want as if I didn't agreeo be filmed then they can't use it can they?
Really though do I have any say? It's making me so anxious :(

I think they should respect your wishes and try to be more understanding. Its obvious that you realise your phobia is irrational and you are getting help for it, its not something you can just turn on and off. I think perhaps other posters might try and understand this too. I hope you get to a place where you feel more comfortable with this. In this instance I would try as best you can to get past it if you can. If you cant then perhaps your therapist can help yo through it.

I don't have photo ID because of this

So you don't drive then? Will never travel abroad?

So you're restricting the lives of your family as well because of this?

I don't drive. Dh can

I've never been abroad. Tried to get a provisional once but it went wrong getting photo done so then gave up on that idea

These are all reasons I'm having help with this problem

I'm surprised at the number of posters effectively saying 'it's not all about you, get over yourself.'

It's a phobia, OP is getting help for it. But it's as real a phobia as a fear of heights or deep water. And I doubt Callme that OP is restricting the lives of others because of it, just as she wouldn't be restricting their lives if she was terrified of deep water and didn't want to go diving with them - i'd expect she'd do what many other parents do, and allow them to do those things without her. I can't swim, but my dcs have lessons weekly and swim frequently with their Dad.

Have some empathy people, phobias are crap.

I was just going to say what airforsharon already did.

The op has a serious phobia. She is not being precious, or overthinking anything ffs.

She is getting help. Stop assuming she can just snap out of it.

Good luck OP, I hope things improve for you. I think your sister is being deeply insensitive.

Try not to let this be too much of a setback. Remember that everyone else who sees the footage (if they do) is already used to seeing you in the flesh. And they still love you, and they don't think about what you look like. To them, you're just you.

So try not to worry about others seeing it. You don't have to look at it if you don't want to, and you're the only one who's going to have an issue with it. And (I know this doesn't help when you have BDD) you hair probably wasn't as greasy, nor did your face look as tired as it did to you.

Have you read The Broken Mirror? I recommend it.

CallMeMaybe what an unkind post. Can't you see that this is a serious issue for the OP that has a huge impact on her life? Just because you don't feel it yourself doesn't mean you can't show a bit of empathy

OP I am so sorry you're feeling anxious. It must feel horrible.

You've taken a massive step getting some help with this issue. That's really brave. I so so hope this can just be a blip and you can continue forwards with it.

Is there anyone you can talk this through with now? A counsellor?

Could you talk to your sister again and ask her to delete the film?

But the OP is in thousands of pictures every day. Every time she walks down the street she is being photographed, be that on CCTV or on people's camera phones.

She willingly walked into a studio surrounded by cameras.

And there is a vast difference between having e.g. A fear of water so having to have your kids go swimming while you look on from the sidelines, and allowing something to restrict your life to the point your children will never be allowed to have memories of you/will never go on a family holiday abroad/will have to rely on others for lifts etc because the OP refuses to be photographed for a driving licence.

And there are an awful lot of things we need photo ID for. Most jobs for a start require you to have a security pass with a photo on it, so does that mean OP doesn't work either?

.

I think it's a bit shit to take someone's picture when they don't want it taken.

callme have a for that

The OP has explained much more patiently than you deserve why this situation upsets her but CCTV doesn't. Have you not RTFT?

And BTW I work and don't have an ID would you like to roll your eyes at me too?

How do you feel about being on cctv Embarrassment? You seem to be singling this one occasion out

Of course she is singled this occasion out as both of the parties were well aware of her not wanting to be photographed or filmed, but they totally disregarded her feelings and went ahead anyway. Absolutely reprehensible behaviour.

A persons wish to not be photographed should be respected. Your want of a few photographs does not trump another persons wishes 2nds your behaviour is appalling to secretly photograph your BIL is not on.

I hate being photographed, but what I hate more is all the ..oh just one photo, ooh just stand here..when you know they are trying to surrepticiously take a picture. It makes every social and family occasion a nightmare as it quite often ends up having to be stern with people.

Please be respectful

I don't currently work but I'm not sure why that has anything to do with the issue I've posted about?

The dc don't miss out on anything except for obviously having photos of me to look at in the future but this is why I've been having help so that I can at some point have a picture.
I did at first say to dsis I didn't want to go-she was insistent she wanted me to go with her . Yes, there were cameras around but just on the sides and one on a tripod and I didn't have any thought I'd be photographed or filmed as (perhaps mistakenly) trusted that dsis wouldn't ppt me in that situation

I'm really sorry you're going through this.
What's your relationship with your sister like? It seems very odd for her to block you on FB and honestly, it sounds like she put you in that situation knowingly.
Have you told the photographer you don't want him to release the film?
It's quite a breach of professional conduct.
I'm not sure you can do much about it now but I would definitely let them both know that what they've done is not acceptible.

This must be so hard for you, I can feel how you are struggling and knowing that your fear is irrational doesn't make it any easier. It's great that you recognise that and are seeking help.

One thing that struck me is you are focusing on the 'betrayal' by your sister. I'm no expert, but I wonder if this is making things worse, especially as you are unlikely to get an apology from her. Is there any way the video could be edited to remove you or blur you out?

It was odd when I spoke to him as he said I wasn't caught in the film but dsis then confirmed I was
He then said she had wanted to see her reaction ?
I keep checking and I think he has been true to his word and not used the footage but dsis I'm not sure due to the fb thing which is very unusual
I can see from her point of view she was made up and looked good, she was seeing her lovely photos revealed etc etc and she may want to share this which is fine but for the fact I was in it too and dodnt want to be

I hate having my picture taken. this means I avoid having my photo taken. there is nothing I can do about cctv, but I can ask people not to take my photo.

body dysmorphic disorder isn't being precious. it's a real thing, hence it being classified as, well, a disorder. it's not rational. OP knows this, but being out of control of the situation is obviously very distressing. I don't know why some responses are ignoring this.

OP: I have a diagnosed disorder, and a thing has triggered it and I'm freaking the fuck out

mumsnet: THAT'S NOT A THING. WHY ARE YOU SO SELFISH. YOU ARE LITERALLY RUINING PEOPLE'S LIVES

well played, mumsnet. well played.

I think I'd finally got to a place where I thought "I'm starting to work on this, I'm having therapy and o have a goal of one day having a informal photo with dcs just one photo (to start with)" and it was meant to be on my terms wishing a timeline and accompanied by therapy and now that's all gone out of the window and I feel so so anxious about it

Wishing-with

OP, I feel exactly the same way about photos. I've been able to overcome the anxiety to have passport and work ID photos taken, but it was very difficult and I only managed to push through the anxiety because of the very negative consequences of not allowing those particular photos to be taken. I keep my work ID in my pocket to show as needed rather than having it visible to everyone.

If a family member who knew my feelings on the issue deliberately included me in films/photographs I'd be extremely upset. YANBU.

CCTV isn't the same to me because I don't usually see it and it doesn't feel 'permanent' to me in the same way as someone I know taking a picture of me. I don't make a massive fuss over this and will just leave the room when the cameras come out at a social event (or offer to be the one to take the pictures). I did once have to leave a wedding reception because the professional photographer was wandering around taking photos of people eating/dancing/etc without warning and it spiked my anxiety. I know the bride and groom wouldn't give a moment's thought to what I looked like in the photos, but anxiety isn't rational like that.

Lots of sympathy for you, OP.

Can you phone your therapist and have a quick chat? It may help to get you feeling your back on track if you could discuss it with them?

I know anxiety is a really terrible thing! But you have felt it before and survived you will be ok! It's not great that the photo/video was just suddenly out there, but it's done now and you need to cope with the here and now, can you try a little meditation/whatever helps to make you feel better and more in the present rather than thinking about what has happened?

If your sister did this deliberately it was very cruel. You are where you are, can you try to just ignore it. I hope you manage to have a photo with your little boy, I hate having my photo taken, I can't believe I am that old woman as I think I am still 21 so it is always a big shock, but I think holding a child makes me braver. Hope it works for you.

What could practically help now? Do you have someone you trust, who fully understands your BDD who you could ask to watch it and tell you if you are in it? And if you are could you ask your sister to edit it?
Will you feel better if its destroyed for example? Or is the fact it's happened at all causing you more anxiety?
Do you think it's more productive to work on how you overcome this?
Because you could make a positive step here if you get the right support and outcome from this.
I know that's easy for me to say.

I just think if it was me I would need a coping strategy and would need to decide what needs to happen to make it better.

Ideally I'd like it destroyed but I'm very aware it's special to dsis as was her big reveal so it's a difficult one

If I could be blanked out of it is be happy but I couldn't watch it myself till I was actually not visible. Not sure I trust dsis now so I worry she would keep the 'normal' version
I'm 99.9% sure the photographer wouldn't now use it so that's some reassurance but I don't think dsis appreciated how awful and anxious this would make me feel

I keep swaying from telling myself sternly it's ok to panicking as its out there somewhere