what the hell do I do?

[Skye80]

Posted in relationships but this is prob the better place:

I've been with my partner on and off for nearly 5 years. We have a 2 year old ds. He has a 7 year old Dd from a previous relationship.

The reason we were on and off was for various different reasons but mainly grief which he has now dealt with. He didn't treat me great but since we've tried again the last year has been great.

We don't live together just yet but he does spend some time here and alls been going well.

This is where it gets complicated. He didn't see his dd for 3 years because his ex made up a lot of lies and kept her from him. He spent all of his savings fighting through the courts with social services etc involved and now he sees her once every 2 weeks. I've only met her once as I am cautious that they have to build up a relationship however my ds, her grandparents, aunts etc have all met her.

I've been really paranoid the last few days so I did something I've never done and looked at his phone. There's nothing to suggest he's cheating etc but what I did find was that his ex thinks we're not together! She took issue with the fact that I met her once and told my DP that she doesn't want me meeting her again because I'm not a permeant fixture!

I really don't mind not meeting her right now properly, that's completely understandable but what's got me is his ex doesn't realise we're together and he hasn't corrected her! I know he's not said it coz he wants anything to do with her and is just afraid of jeopardising his time with his DS but surely he should be honest and tell her?

I'm so upset now and just feel like walking away. If he is painting me to be an ex then I just feel like making it a reality. I've put up with so much over the years and this has just tipped me over the edge. If I mention it to him he'll get defensive and nothing will work out, I'll get no apology or anything, possibly all I'll get it 'well I need to protect my relationship with my daughter', which is fine but why lie? I appreciate we've been on and off but I'm the mother of his child and have been with him pretty much 5 years. I just feel like his dirty little secret and think I deserve better than to be lied to and be lied about..

He's a coward and a milquetoast. You're lucky to be rid of him. He'd never back you up or defend you, nor your child. He's not a man, he's a mouse.

"I've been really paranoid the last few days"
IMO, feeling paranoid is CAUSED. You noticed something, maybe not consciously, butsomething pinged your radar. Something he did, something he said.

And I know this doesn't matter now, you've made your decision (and I think it's the right one) but - all this shit over his ex not wanting you to be involved with their daughter - it just totally makes no sense. If you had been just a girlfriend, she might have had a point although not after 5 years. But you are not 'just' a girlfriend. You are the mother of her daughter's brother. Regardless of whether your relationship with their father is on or off, you are, and will always be, the mother of her daughter's brother. That's pretty damned permanent. Or does he lie to his ex about your son's existence?