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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I shouldn't but I feel snubbed?

56 replies

Onthedowns · 14/07/2016 22:27

DSIL is getting son christened asked DH to be godfather but not me. We have been together 20 years, marriages 10, other godparents are DSILs partners sister and a friend who she sees once a month. I know it's her choice completely respect that but AIBU to feel a little hurt? Will people ask me why I am not?

OP posts:
Redglitter · 14/07/2016 23:59

I've never heard of Godparents being chosen as couples. I don't think anyone will expect you to be so won't give it a second thought.

FairyDogMother11 · 14/07/2016 23:59

My godparents weren't in couples, mine were an uncle and two of my mum's friends (female). I think as well, the idea of godparents also traditionally is that they were guardians in the event something happened to the parents/the child needed looking after/guidance etc. So presumably if your partner has been chosen for this; in that situation they would also consider that you would be a part of that? Named or not, if you are partners I would think that's how it works. I was just as close to my aunt as my uncle, and also close to my mum's friend's husband. I considered them just as much a part of my "godfamily". It's not a snub, just tradition :) you don't need a title to love and care for a child, you're just as capable without. x

FuzzyOwl · 15/07/2016 00:06

AIBU to feel a little hurt? Will people ask me why I am not?

Your feelings are not unreasonable at all but your thoughts as to why you should be a godparent are. I doubt very much anyone would even wonder why you aren't, let alone ask you. Personally I think that godparents are better off not being relations at all because I would like to believe/hope that family members will always provide guidance and support to each other anyway. However, if I was ever going to choose family members it would always be siblings as first priority.

GoldBear · 15/07/2016 00:26

I've never heard of godparent couples. I'm fairly mainstream CoE - so our church baptises many 'casual' CoE 'members - and it's always three godparents - two of same sex and one of other sex. Only deviates when people get to child three or four!

But in all my many years in the CoE, and plenty at Catholic baptisms, I've never heard of husband and wife godparents.

I think you maybe don't know what a godparent is? It's a faith role, not a fair godmother with wings and a wand, although I'm sure we'd all like that.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 15/07/2016 01:11

I do understand what the role is which is why I am more surprised. Most people I know are couples

OP posts:
kurlique · 15/07/2016 01:35

Frankly I would think it unusual if you were asked as well as your DP! I am Godmother to my niece and DH is not her godfather (and we are her only aunty and uncle) and he is godfather to his nephew and I'm not his godmother... Both our DCs have 3 godparents, no couples (firstborn has my DS and DH's DB and a friend, second got 3 different friends). We have other godchildren too and none of them have a couple as godparents!

Calm down dear, it isn't a reflection of their opinion of your relationship, it is just normal godparent selection... One sibling of each parent and a friend... Simples!

MidniteScribbler · 15/07/2016 01:39

DS has a couple and another lady as his godparents, but I didn't specifically choose them because they were a couple, they just happened to be the two people who I wanted. I don't think it needs to be a couple.

MrBoot · 15/07/2016 01:42

Agree we are atheists so no god parents but made guardianship desires clear.

Godparents and guardians are different people altogether in most cases!

KittensWithWeapons · 15/07/2016 01:51

I honestly don't know any Godparents who are couples. Where I'm from, the norm is one from each side of the family. So my Godfather is my Mum's brother, Godmother is my Dad's sister.

Although, I was very seriously ill as an infant, and was quickly baptised in the hospital, so on my Baptismal Cert, my Godparents are the Dr and Nurse who were working on the day.

I've been to dozens of baptisms, and have never seen the Godparents being a couple.

'Will people ask me why I am not'? No. Honestly, they won't. Really, no-one will give it a moments thought.

FastWindow · 15/07/2016 01:51

This is AIBU, so in the spirit of things (see what i did there) YABU.

But only a gentle yabu, because of the way you feel about it, and how you would choose for your dc.

You haven't been snubbed, so please don't give it any more headspace. You are still an auntie, so closer probably than the other godparent will be in any case. Its all lip service anyway tbh.

BigGreenOlives · 15/07/2016 02:07

Never heard of couples being godparents. It would use them up unnecessarily quickly. Have a look here at Prince George's Godparents. No couples amongst them.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 15/07/2016 02:11

My Ds1's godparents are a couple. DS2 doesn't have any as he hasn't been christened (born in a different country).

VenusRising · 15/07/2016 04:21

I have also never heard of a couple as being godparents.

I think there is an assumption that the risk of losing both is greater, if they're together, so you spread your bets and chose one from one side and another from a separate group.

Op I think you have to chill out! maybe they have you marked out for their next one.

In Ireland and RC you can have up to 15 god parents, though most people only go for two, a man and a woman who are practicing their religion.

DeathStare · 15/07/2016 06:07

Will people ask me why I am not?

No they won't. Because it's completely normal. They'd be more likely to say "how unusual" if you both had been asked.

TheMorningAfterTheNightBefore · 15/07/2016 06:31

No one is going to ask why you're not because no one else is going to care. It really is as simple as that.

Original poster
Onthedowns · 15/07/2016 06:44

Well in my circle and family there are a few couples we have couples for our children. I would Rsther Have family than someone who I have know for 5 mins. I think the fact I helped her a lot during pregnancy and after birth and other things throughout her life I might of been asked. But I understand her chkoce

OP posts:
Ragwort · 15/07/2016 06:56

I've also never heard of Godparent 'couples' and I am a regular Church attender. My DH and I are Godprents to a number of children, but separately, IYKWIM. I really don't think it is at all usual.

ApostrophesMatter · 15/07/2016 07:08

YABU. DH and I are godparents to one DC but I am godmother to three. Didn't think it was odd for it to be just me. DH and I are married not joined at the hip.

Becky546 · 15/07/2016 07:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 15/07/2016 07:28

It's not a snub. Your still the child's aunt. Godparents don't have to be a couple. Not at all. I have four God children and my DH is only godfather to 2 of them. He is also godfather to a child I am not godmother to. It didn't occur to me either of us had ever been snubbed. It's just not the case.

cuckooplusone · 15/07/2016 07:35

Sorry OP, I agree that YABU, but again I wouldn't worry about it as I think the godparent selection seems fair, not any snub at all and no one will think you are excluded.

FWIW when I chose for my DC, I particularly made sure I only selected one person from a couple as I felt that this way I got the other half of the couple for free!

BoGrainger · 15/07/2016 07:41

Imagine how snubbed the sister (and family) would have felt if both you and dh were godparents and none from her side of the family!

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 15/07/2016 07:42

OP, people won't be asking why you're not a godmother when your husband is a gidfather. I attend a large church where we have lots of Christenings and i don't remember there ever being a husband and a wife as godparents for the same child. Theres no reason why they couldn't be, but it just is6nt traditional to do so.

Whathaveilost · 15/07/2016 07:49

I know it's not usual to have more than 3 but u know many do to clarify there is only one godfather. It just appears strange that two siblings one friend and we have obviously been a unit for many years. I know you don't have to come as a pair but I don't find it a little odd when your asking family you would leave one out

No it's not. In this situation it is perfectly normal. I am GM to my nephew and niece but DH isn't GF. DH is GF to his nephew and to a friend's son but I'm not. That's the way it is. I've never heard of couples being chosen.

Maybe Google famous people children's chritening's and you will see its you and your circle that's odd. Somebody already mentioned Prince George as a starting point of reference.

2rebecca · 15/07/2016 08:06

I think asking aunts and uncles to be godparents is a bit pointless unless they are very religious. If I had had godparents I would have gone for friends, they are then additional people in the child's life where as aunts and uncles are there anyway. I think my nephews' godparents are all friends of my brother and his wife.

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