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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why do people still run the risk of toddlers and garden ponds?

171 replies

JackandDiane · 14/07/2016 20:55

We all know it is not a risk worth taking? Parents, grandparents, whoever
WHY?

OP posts:
Gingercat86 · 16/07/2016 23:27

My in laws have a pond & a pool - it scares the life out of me as have to be constantly on my guard!

CattDamon · 17/07/2016 00:01

My dad filled in his larger pride & joy pond when I found out I was pregnant. Then he welded a metal grid over the tiny pond & concreted the sides down.

Maybe different because I was living there at the time but I'm one to not even let my three year old play in the perfectly secure garden at my own house now unsupervised even though I could see him through the patio doors!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/07/2016 00:27

But who wants to be shadowing their kids around the garden? Kick them out into a safe, pool free, environment and let thenm get on with it. Kids aren't learning much about risk if Mummy is constantly breathing down their neck are they?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 17/07/2016 00:31

By the way, DS aged 5 or so, managed to fall into a pool at an aquarium. It was one of those petting areas where you can reach in and touch the creatures. DS reached a little further and a little further and next thing we new he was upside down in a couple of feet of water with his feet in the air, no way of getting upright without help. It happened in a second, in a room full of people.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 17/07/2016 09:08

But who wants to be shadowing their kids around the garden?

People who want to have ponds in their garden. Absolutely if you are not willing to supervise your child in the garden, then you shouldn't have a pond.

Many people have gardens that are small enough and open enough that no shadowing is required, just watch from a single point as child potters.

PetyrBaelish · 17/07/2016 10:49

I think TinklyLaugh's point is spot on, actually.

I hadn't really thought about this issue before, I don't have a pond, but I have read the thread and considered both sides.

A lot of people are saying that having a pond in the garden is allowing children to take risks, which I agree is very important to do.

But there is also a concensus that if you have an accessible pond then you should supervise your DC at all times when they could come into contact with it.

Which in turn removes the risk, so it defeats the point of the 'allow them to take risks' argument.

Personally, I often 'keep an eye' on my toddler as he potters around the garden. Some people would think I am too relaxed about it, I am sure. But it's nice, I notice real benefits to him thinking he is unwatched for a while. It makes him feel more independent and builds up his confidence. It would be a shame if I had to helicopter over him because of an uncovered pond, I'd just get one of those metal meshes people are talking about so we could all have a bit more freedom.

joellevandyne · 17/07/2016 10:55

Depends what you mean by supervise. I would not let the kids go in the garden by the stream if I was up in the house, but I'm not on top of them constantly when we're all there together. I might be 10-20 metres away sitting on the lawn as they pretend to fish with sticks, or drop bread to the ducks. If one fell in, I'd be with them within seconds, but I wouldn't be likely to be able to stop it.

Getting a dunk in cold water for 10 seconds isn't going to do any harm, and will probably teach them a valuable lesson.

venys · 17/07/2016 11:06

I still don't understand the lax laws about pools and ponds in the UK. (Like the lax laws on bike helmets). My old next door neighbour had a pond, but her gate was a bit busted so anyone could access her garden (we lived in a gated development and the communal area was just beyond our own gardens). I had a SEN toddler whom would just run off and a young baby so I asked nicely if she could secure her gate. All she needed to do was run a wire around it. She also worked part time in the NHS and her husband was unemployed so they had time to fix it. She truly thought that I could keep an eye on my kids at all times and refused to fix the gate. There were quite a few other children and visiting grandchildren in the development too. I cant believe she was so consciously irresponsible!! Needless to say we had a falling out over it. Fortunately no kids have been hurt as far as I know.

ConfuciousSayWhat · 17/07/2016 11:16

My parents have 2 ponds and have done for years. The trick is keeping an eye on your children in the garden

AlMinzerAndHisPyramidOfDogs · 17/07/2016 15:49

"family were holding a big celebration for a kid's holy communion"

Ifailed - Why didn't god save the child?

well shit Ifailed, would you make that facetious comment to the poor parents' faces?
i was only giving some context to an accident i heard about.
that's all.

OppositeOfGenius · 17/07/2016 16:27

"You could, if you are a really miserable, boring, thoroughly unimaginative person, argue that practically anything is and 'unnecessary' risk, and raise your children in a dull, confined but very 'safe' atmosphere.

And when they finally realise there's a world outside and run away from you, they will have next to no coping skills - and they will hate you for putting them through such paralysingly dull childhood."

On a thread where people have listed near-miss experiences and actual losses, this seems incredibly insensitive. I'll bet there are quite a few parents who would love their kids to be around to judge them.

Meanwhile I somehow had a very fun childhood without a pond. Suggesting others cover theirs up for a few years is hardly destroying some kid's life or a future relationship. It's more likely to save the fish and wildlife too from bloody cats!

OppositeOfGenius · 17/07/2016 16:28

(The answer to the op by the way is "no one ever thinks it could happen to them".)

StaceyMummyof3 · 17/07/2016 17:07

Yes Australian law is that you have to have safety fences around pools..it should be law everywhere..no matter the weather

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 17:20

We had a pond as children but it was built in and stepped up (so you would have to have stepped up and around it to fall in), we didn't fall in as kids as our parents watched us but also taught us to be careful around ponds.

I fell in fountains in Battersea park as a toddler (don't remember this).

My parents now have a pond, stepped, after a friend's toddler fell in it (knocked in I think by our dog at the time's tail) they covered it with a net and wooden structure, but this is partly as their cats like to "fish" in the pond.

I've got a garden with a pond, again, covered, I personally insist that if children come over, they're escorted to the garden or I escort them and no running near the pond. If the parents are stupid enough to let them run that's their look out but I do warn them but the pond is safe. My flat/maisonette has locked French doors/windows which I have keys for (put away) so no one could grab them without my knowledge.

Interestingly enough i have a friend with at the time a 3/4 year old and a 6/7 year old, they rented a house for 2-3 years with an outdoor swimming pool, whenever I visited I didn't think to ask whether it was covered etc or not, but parents and kids had pool parties and could swim well, also got relative with outdoor swimming pool from when her DD was a baby I think it may be fenced off but again, lots of pool parties and her DD can swim like a fish. I personally think if you have pools it's about respect for the water and pool in your home, same for the pond.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 17:23

Stacey why should you a fence if you have children and a pool be law everywhere? I think especially if you live in a house with a pool a fence is a good idea but also respect for water, need to swim properly and do not under any circumstances mess around near it.

Suppose you have an indoor pool, is that the same, does that have to be fenced/cordoned off/locked entrance/exit to it too?

DixieNormas · 17/07/2016 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 17/07/2016 19:50

Stacey why should you a fence if you have children and a pool be law everywhere?

Because it prevents avoidable deaths, mostly of children. If you look at the Australian evidence, half the drowning deaths of children in swimming pools are due to pools that aren't properly fenced.

I think especially if you live in a house with a pool a fence is a good idea but also respect for water, need to swim properly and do not under any circumstances mess around near it.

The two are not mutually exclusive. And you can only instil those abilities and values in your own kids (not visitors or neighbours) and even then it isn't proof against accidents or moments of madness, which children can be prone to.

Suppose you have an indoor pool, is that the same, does that have to be fenced/cordoned off/locked entrance/exit to it too?

Yes. Indoor pools are subject to the code and doors and windows have to comply with child resistant safety rules - for example doors must be self-closing and self-latching, with the latch over a certain height.

I mean, obviously swimming pool safety isn't a huge issue in the UK because there are hardly any private swimming pools. It does my head in in the US though.

I grew up in a farming family in rural Australia. We had dams and a creek. My mother was terrified of us drowning, as is not uncommon in those sorts of places. You get distracted and your kid is down the paddock and face down in the dam in no time. So there was as much safety around the house when we were, say, under 10 as my parents could manage. In some ways it was like living inside a pool fence.

I'd never have a pond that was accessible to children. Too risky.

SuperFlyHigh · 17/07/2016 22:45

Jassy friends in Delaware who have an outdoor pool that is fenced off.

Friends in SW France and my parents who have pools there (outdoor) both not fenced off (apart from away from other houses) - both you can access outside your back door (French window type things). My parents sometimes let friends stay with kids but never warned them about pool safety (As far as I know) and friends in France with other pool they have young grandchildren come and stay occasionally but they're watched at all times and it's not direct easy access to the pool. Neither is my parents pool direct access several doors have to be opened to get to it.

Interesting questions. I still think parents should be responsible for children near water (like pools, ponds, seaside etc) and that children especially those who live with a pool/pond need to be taught water safety.

JassyRadlett · 17/07/2016 23:00

I think the thing is, Super, all it takes is for one thing to go wrong - an accident involving another child and the door is accidentally left ajar/unlocked, a momentary distraction and a child disappears. None of us is perfect, and in particular if I were a pool owner I wouldn't want to count on other parents being vigilant.

I don't know, it seems a pretty small ask to me - you have a pool, you make sure no children can access it without adults.

Water safety training is vital and I'd say most British kids I've encountered (and adults!) aren't that great in this regard, mainly from lack of experience/opportunity and a culture that isn't attuned to it.

And even the most water wise kids in the world can slip and bash their heads.

imwithspud · 17/07/2016 23:15

YANBU, my grandparents used to have a pond in their back garden and nothing ever happened thankfully, but looking back now I'm surprised they never secured it better as there were 3 young grandchildren visiting regularly. Guess it was a case of different times?

murmuration · 17/07/2016 23:18

Do all of you really follow your child around your garden the whole time?

Well, I do... But I've decided my garden isn't safe enough for my child, even though there is no pond (random reoccuring holes - rabbits? - plus a drive that can't be seperated and sometimes deliveries come whizzing down, as we're the last house on the drive, then they turn at our place and go back up slowly). And while I don't literally follow her around, I make sure she is in sight at all times. I even asked on MN what people thought and the consensus was not while she was a toddler for sure. Maybe 5 or 6.

I'm not sure I'd register a pond as an additional hazzard; I think the drive is far more of one, although I'd be sure to talk to her about it just as much as I do the drive.

Interesting stat about the same number of deaths in baths and ponds: I would think that indicates ponds are more dangerous, as surely there is more consistent exposure to baths (e.g., daily by almost everyone) than to ponds (not everyone, and not daily).

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