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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to ask dd to help pay for bathroom repairs?

68 replies

EyeRollChampion · 14/07/2016 18:39

My daughter is 16 and has left school. She has dyed her hair before, there is usually a little mess but I moan and she clears it up. The other day I came home and our newly-decorated (white) bathroom was covered in dark brown hair dye. I mean covered. White bath, white sink, white tiles, white walls, white floor, white cabinet, white wall rack, white towels dumped on floor... all covered. Hair dye bottles on sink, floor, dirty gloves on floor... I was very upset.

I don't know if I overreacted. I have bipolar disorder which is made worse by pregnancy hormones. I'm also having a horrible pregnancy which is getting me down no end. But she got an earful. When I demanded she go and clear it up, she said "I have, there's nothing more I can do". I was gobsmacked by her attitude. She eventually went and tidied up a bit more, but basically the floor needs replacing, the walls need repainting, the cabinet, towels and wall rack are ruined and I've tried bleaching the crap out of the rest, all to no avail as she'd left it on there for so long.

After calming down (which I confess took some time, despite me usually being very calm), I asked her very nicely when she was getting paid (she works one day a week) as we are skint and I needed to redo some things in the bathroom. I said not to worry about the extras that I had bought but that the foundations must be made good (we don't own our house).

I don't know now if I've been unfairly harsh. Like I mentioned, hormones and illness have a way of skewing my perspective. I feel tremendously guilty. My dd is lovely, if terminally lazy and sometimes stupendously thoughtless :/ I did have a right go at her when I found it, even swore at her. Very unlike me. Maybe asking forayment was a bridge too far? Or just teaching her to be responsible?

HALP

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 14/07/2016 20:22

Bloody hell OP you handled that better than I would have done,I'd have gone nuclear if it was me!

Tell her she pays for everything she's destroyed and never ever let her dye her hair at home again.

Rrross1ges · 14/07/2016 20:23

I'd have hung her out the window by her ankles!

Maybe next time she should dye her hair in her Dad's bathroom.

EyeRollChampion · 14/07/2016 20:25

A11 - I don't want to replace anything. Especially not the suite! The lino, however, is showing no signs of coming clean, and believe me I've tried a LOT. The walls WILL need repainting, and the towels are fucked. I'm still working on the rest.

The packets do carry warnings, I. E. Can cause permanent stains, if contact occurs, rinse immediately etc. Expecting great trading standards in a mass market is a little naive imo.

No pissing away of money here, if only!!

OP posts:
nicknamehelp · 14/07/2016 20:26

Im making my 12 year old give me a days labour to make up for the cost of repairing his phone again - they have to learn the real value of money and to appreciate it.

I would at least ask her for a contribution/help put it right by painting etc she will soon learn to dye hair carefully

UpsidedownDog · 14/07/2016 20:28

Have you tried using a solvent-based fluid on the hair dye? Something like nail polish remover or MEK should bring your bathroom back to life again. If you go to your local commercial printer office (one that prints business cards/headed paper/ballot tickets etc), you could ask them if they could order some MEK for you. It's used for cleaning printers between each job, so they may be able to give you some for a price. It's great as I've used it to get chewing gum off DD's school skirt and out of her hair.

HTH

VimFuego101 · 14/07/2016 20:58

A11 - hair dye is a bugger to get out; that's why most people opt to get it done at the hairdressers. I've never found anything that will remove it from grout (although I will try the hints on here next time!)

PersianCatLady · 14/07/2016 20:59

I try not to spoil her but that doesn't stop her dad or her gf's family, sadly. I am worried this may be adding to the entitled attitude.

To be honest I thought you were going to say something like that. Is there no way you could speak to her father and explain what has happened and tell him no more treats until she has repaired the damage she has caused.

Honestly though when I read stories like this I makes me want to come round your house and help you clear it up and have a stern word with your daughter.

Take care.

NowWhat1983 · 14/07/2016 21:02

Hell no. My mum would have never let me hear the end of that one. She would have gone fucking mad and rightly so.

She is 16 and not 6. Could she not have waited and asked you to help her dye her fucking hair.

Charge her the whole lot. What if this was her own home that she paid for?

She needs to learn: she ruins it, she pays for it.

EyeRollChampion · 14/07/2016 21:11

Upside, you are a bloody genius!! I've used MEK before (years ago, forgot all about it). That would take the snow off the Alps! And they sell it online. If anything works MEK will. Awesome, thanks! ☺

I feel far less insane now, thanks to you lot. In years to come I will tell her kids about this. Then they can tease her about it long after I'm gone 😊

I will put the bathroom right while she's away as much as possible then calmly bill her when she returns. She can pay me and dp back in installments. And she will have a list of regular chores.

She's a good girl really. She did a shitty thing and has lapses in judgement but she's not really a brat. I'm actually very proud of her (usually). When I don't want to string her up by her gorgeous dark brown hair.

OP posts:
tinyterrors · 14/07/2016 21:13

I'd have gone apeshit too. It is hard not to get any dye anywhere except your hair but it's easy enough to wipe up if you do it straight away. I manage to dye my hair in our tiny bathroom and haven't left any permanent stains because I'm bloody careful.

Absolutely make her pay to make it right and I'd make her clean the house when she gets back in lieu of cleaning the bathroom because she's away now. She can work to buy new towels, lino and paint for the walls and cabinet, but I wouldn't make her pay for a decorator as it's easy enough to paint a bathroom one colour and decorators cost a small fortune.

Have you tried one of the colour strippers like colour b4 that take dyed hair back to the natural colour? My friend got a spot of dye on her bedroom carpet and a colour stripper faded it so much you can't even tell now. It's worth trying on the lino if nothing else works.

TheSockGoblin · 14/07/2016 21:14

No Y were not BU. In future if she dyes her hair get her to rip up bin bags and cover the bathroom surfaces in them. I used to do this and it always protected the flooring and toilet etc. Also to not do it on her own but get help.

EyeRollChampion · 14/07/2016 21:20

Persian, her dad refuses to speak to me at all. He had very little to do with her while she was growing up, stood her up a lot, and he broke her heart a number of times which I gave him hell for. Now he's back and of course the sun shines out of his bum hole. It's one reason I'm probably a bit soft on her. Bless you, I'll get it sorted though, don't worry. Thanks ☺

NowWhat, I used to dye it for her but had to stop due to my scoliosis becoming chronic (my back gets stuck when I bend over!). She's been managing on her own for over a year, fuck knows why this time she decided to pull a Mary Barnes...

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 14/07/2016 21:23

Are the ruined towels a lightish colour? If so try dying them (!) as towels take dye really well. All mine are now shades of granite which is both smart and practical as they don't show any marks.

Dylon about £7 a pack.

MatildaTheCat · 14/07/2016 21:25

And in future she can do all her hair experimentation at her father's house. Win win Grin.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/07/2016 21:28

I agree you were not harsh on her. I would have hit the roof! Goodness knows what she did to get it in that many places!

I've got dye on my own white bathroom Blush and it was me. DH wasn't thrilled. It's not much, 3 small blobs but it's red and as I wear glasses I didn't see it until much later as I had taken them off. I was so so careful as well. I did it about 7 months ago and it is fading so fingers crossed as we couldn't get rid of it but it didn't occur to me to ask on here. Doh. We have a magic eraser thing too (that I've never used).

NowWhat1983 · 14/07/2016 22:19

God knows why indeed. Couldn't she even have bent over the bath...limited the damage

EyeRollChampion · 14/07/2016 22:44

Matilda, they were white, I'm afraid I threw them out. Didn't think of dying them, though they weren't particularly expensive anyway. That's a good idea though.

Harry, I've been guilty of the odd blob in the past, and I would've easily forgiven that. Indeed we could probably get away with it with our landlord who is pretty reasonable. Alas my daughter has perfect eyesight, I have her last specsavers report to prove it 😁 I've found most things to be useless so far but will report back on the MEK, maybe there's still hope for both our bathrooms. Keeping fingers, toes and eyes crossed!

NowWhat I have no idea. Even she had no explanation. I've dreamed up a few theories but so far they all involve lycanthropy, witchcraft or the aforementioned flying ninjas.

OP posts:
ChaseAvenal · 14/07/2016 23:14

Please try nail polish remover! I remember scrubbing in a panic at my parents, the uni halls, rented flats etc. and it was the only thing that seemed to work on the really vibrant semi-permanent dyes that I used- much better than bleach!

It's odd that she managed to do this with a presumably permanent brown dye, which tend to react with the hair and not dye tile etc., makes me wonder how long she left it like that?!

Anyway, YANBU and she should pay for it. But do try the nail polish remover if you haven't already!

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