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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Waterpark holiday & DS' friend can't swim

166 replies

LittleMissSandy · 14/07/2016 10:15

DS(10) is an only child and so for our holiday this year we invited a friend of his to come along at our own expense.

We're going to an all inclusive water park in Spain, great slides, lots of water etc so I just naturally assumed that the friend could swim, until this morning at the gates when friend's Mum asked if he'd be able to wear arm bands on the water slides

I was so taken aback, I said I wasn't sure & that I would double check. Their doesn't actually seem to be anything about it on the website, does anyone know if children can wear arm bands on large water slides? Their are lots of small rides that I'm sure they could go on but the whole point of inviting a friend was so that they could spend the days together and go on all the rides.

We leave on Saturday, so far too late to do anything now.

OP posts:

SweetChickadee · 14/07/2016 21:24

The upside to this is that I bet the kid's a great swimmer by the time you come back

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 14/07/2016 21:26

I hope it doesn't spoil your holiday.

How sensible is your DS? Can you trust him not to 'allow' (or at the very leas not encourage) his friend to go on rides that end in deep pools when they're on their own if you schedule some time to supervise those rides?
(After the firs day when you DH has said he'll go with them anyway).

Hopefully it's laid out in such a way they can have loads of freedom without too much risk of ending up in a deep pool,st the end unexpectedly. Perhaps they have a sign on each ride which tells you? (Sorry if someone has said so, my eyes are too sore to read all the replies, I just wanted to wish you a happy holiday really).

Original poster

LittleMissSandy · 14/07/2016 21:32

Aww thank you ExtraHot, a lot of the rides thankfully end in Shallow water & DS is pretty sensible for a 10 yr old & his friend's a really nice boy, I think they'll both hopefully be cautious. If not then I'm dumping them on DH & swanning off

ScaryDinosaurs, I'm glad that something good has come out of my issue, I hope you enjoy your holiday next summer

OP posts:

queenoftheboys · 14/07/2016 22:48

With that swimming ability and the kind of rides they have there it will be totally fine! The only thing that would give me any concern is the wave pool, and my kids don't even want to go in those when there are slides and things on offer. You're a really nice Mum for taking him, they'll love it - my boys could spend days at those places (me, not so much - be sure you take a good book!).

EarthboundMisfit · 14/07/2016 22:55

His mum is an idiot. She should have discussed this with you months ago. I'd now feel very uncomfortable and wouldn't be able to relax on holiday. I'd ask for clarification about his swimming skills.

EarthboundMisfit · 14/07/2016 22:57

Ah I've just seen your update. She's behaved really shittily. I hope this doesn't affect your holiday too much.

SpaceDinosaur · 14/07/2016 23:10

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!

And that glorious thread earlier today where the child couldn't swim and posters were arguing if being able to swim is an "essential life skill"

Of course it is.

OP. I would not take an older child in armbands or who couldn't swim on a holiday which will involve a lot of water and water play. Can you imagine how frustrating he will be for your poor son?

There's nothing worse for you than having to babysit a child who is lacking a life skill. It will dramatically impact your holiday.

joangray38 · 14/07/2016 23:16

If I were you I would make it clear to other mum that she tells her DS to wear his life jacket at all times - you shouldn't lose your holiday by having to follow him round checking he has it on- he may well be embarrassed to wear it when he sees very few kids his age wearing them.

SpaceDinosaur · 15/07/2016 00:35

Oh, and I'd absolutely untag yourself from that mother's Facebook status. She's trying to guilt/manipulate the situation.

bumsexatthebingo · 15/07/2016 00:38

Flotation aids like jackets and armbands always have warnings on them saying they aren't a substitute for supervision and children can still drown wearing them. You or your dh are going to have to shadow the friend.
So unfair for the mum to have dropped this on you. And for your ds who will no doubt feel obliged to stay in the shallow water with his friend.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 15/07/2016 06:33

The act of posting "Offspring is so excited for his trip" has proved the other child's mother to be a fool beyond all doubt now... (unless she's American, in which case she's allowed to say for when she means about I suppose).

Scarydinosaurs · 15/07/2016 06:55

You're going to get there and he'll be doing triple back flips in off the diving board, and saving dog paddling tweens from the choppy centres of the wave pool- I bet he'll be a regular little David Hasselhoff and his mum is the sort of mum who wants him to wear arm bands when it rains three days in a row.

dolkapots · 15/07/2016 09:10

but the whole point of inviting a friend was so that they could spend the days together and go on all the rides.

I know this is a side issue here, but it was a mistake to invite a friend and he be expected to do the things your ds wants to do. I have a friend with an only child who I have had to back off from as they want to use my child for company in the things they want to do. If my dc didn't want to do x/y/z there was a not so subtle undertone of "but that is why you are here!"

We have gone to many water parks with non swimmers. Some have a no armbands policy on slides and others have a "no non-swimmers on certain slides" policy.

Scarydinosaurs · 15/07/2016 09:25

I don't think it's unreasonable to expect friend to fit in with family activities for a week- that's what a polite guest does. And a polite host checks in that the guest is enjoying themselves and fits in their preferences too. That's just politeness.

That's distracting from the main point of the OP though.

dolkapots · 15/07/2016 09:36

Scary I did say that it was a side issue. I agree that it is not wrong to want guest to fit in with everything, but I do think unless some type of agreement has been laid out beforehand it is wrong to expect it. What if the friend suddenly announced that he was afraid of the slides and didn't want to go down them anymore? That would be disappointing for the host child, but would it be fair to then say that the guest had ruined the holiday? These are children we are talking about, not adults.

I'm not saying that this is the case of the OP, but I experienced this with my friend and my dc and it became clear that my dc was there purely as a crutch, not as a friend IYSWIM and that actually became a very difficult position to be in.

ParadiseCity · 15/07/2016 09:47

(Tangent) Dolkapots, my son gets used as a substitute sibling sometimes and I agree it isn't much fun, although he really likes the boy concerned it can still be an issue. We have developed a few phrases for him to say, you are right to back off as it can get kind of suffocating. (/tangent)

WeAllHaveWings · 15/07/2016 09:47

s3-eu-west-1.amazonaws.com/portaventura-world-production-files/wilson_cms/images/images/000/003/048/original/AquaticParkCaribe_Alturas-EN.jpg shows which pools life jackets can be hired and worn in for non swimmers.

Children and adults who cant swim must be accompanied and supervised at all times

The friend is a non swimmer (doggy paddle < 25m is a non swimmer!) and will need to be supervised at all times to remain safe.

I would be fuming that I hadn't been told the friend was a non swimmer until it was too late as it will impact your holiday plans.

Scarydinosaurs · 15/07/2016 09:54

(Tangent contd)

I think there is a line between encouraging the 'surrogate sibling' to just be there as a servant friend- obeying all play demands and have no say in what to do...and then encouraging a child to be a good guest and going along with another family's plans.

As a child from a big family, I was often invited along to other family days out as parents loved the fact I 'just fit in'. I had honed my play negotiating skills into a fine art through my childhood, and was happy to go along with other people's plans when put into a new family. I really think this helped me as an adult have good friendships and work well in groups.

Of course, this idea works on the premise of both the guest and the host being reasonable and kind people! Not always the case...

dolkapots · 15/07/2016 10:08

I agree Scary that a (guest) child should try to fit in and that equally the (host) parent should be reasonable. Sometimes though that fine line can become very blurred!

Example: friend invited my dc and I to a theme park with her dd (I payed for my dd and myself) When we got there her dd was afraid of the "big" rides and wanted to go on the younger child ones, fair enough. But when my dd said she wanted to go on X ride my friend would declare "but you are here with Josie, and she doesn't like those rides!" My friend unknowingly made everything about her dd, all invitations or days out became about giving her company in what she wanted to do, rather than a give-and-take friendship way. I did confront her a few times and she apologized, not always realizing what she was doing. Her desire for company for her dd (and a break for herself) seemed to cloud her judgement/expectations/boundaries. I went off on this [tangent] because I was concerned that the OP and her son will be disappointed if the friend is not able to join in all activities.

MidniteScribbler · 15/07/2016 10:28

I think it's your friend that has the problem dolkapots.

Being invited to a water park generally means waterslides. If a child doesn't like waterslides or cannot swim, then the correct response is to decline the invitation. You don't get to come along and then decide you don't want to do a large portion of the activities.

Scarydinosaurs · 15/07/2016 10:40

I agree with midnite your friend dolka is a bad host!

ParadiseCity · 15/07/2016 10:41

I was invited to a theme park when I was about 11 with a friend and her dad. We got there and then she announced that rides made her travel sick. That was the longest most awkward day out ever

LyndaNotLinda · 15/07/2016 11:05

Accepting an invitation to a water park when you can't swim is like accepting an invitation to a camping holiday when you're scared of sleeping in a tent.

Guaranteed to put a downer on everyone else on the holiday :(

I hope you manage to have a good time regardless OP. The other mother sounds idiotic

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 15/07/2016 11:11

(Tangent) The tangent is interesting :o My DC2 gets used as a substitute sibling by a neighbour with an only child too but He and I find the problem is only that the mum (more than the boy) seems to sometimes get into a pattern of thinking that he son she has first "dibs" on DS1'S free time if we have accepted more than one invite in a row. The awkward thing can be saying no in the first place if DS1 just doesn't want to spend the day with them, but we do stick to our guns and say no. It is complicated in our case by the fact the dad works away, and the mum admits openly that her boy is hard work and tells me regularly that I have it easy because I have 3 kids not 1! But when the dad is home they drop DS1 like a hot brick and barely acknowledge his existence - he is only wanted as company on days out etc. When the mum is on her own with her DS.

If and when he says yes he does so knowing he will be fitting in with their plans as he is the guest. Saying yes to a water park holiday for your child without you is really insane if your child is not safe without arm bands!

Original poster

LittleMissSandy · 15/07/2016 11:15

Dolka, I understand your point and I think your friend was very unreasonable, when you bring along another child, you take full responsiblity for that child which means taking their feelings into account as much as your own children. I've taken kids out on day trips etc & they haven't wanted to do certain things which wasn't an issue, it's like being the parent of siblings, you have to find the best solution for both, if a child has a horrid time out or feels awkward, they're unlikely to want to come out again but for things like this, I'd assume if a child couldn't swim or didn't like water slides, the parent would just turn down the invite. DS hates Paintballing & when he was invited to a Paintballing party as much as he would have loved to go, I knew he'd stop playing after 5 mins, so declined the invite, I just think in this case, friends Mum should have told me from the offset.

If the worst does happen & we can't leave them unsupervised, DH & I have decided to swap over throughout the days to supervise but fingers crossed that I'm worrying for nothing.

OP posts:

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