What will be best for my baby, on or off the birth certificate?

[soph17]

I have an ex partner who uses our unborn child as an excuse as to why he should/has to know everything I am up too, such as; who I am with, where I am going, what time I am going, is there going to be any males present etc. He had apparently soon stopped all drugs shortly after finding out we were expecting, however a couple of months ago he sniffed 2 different types of drugs(vile, I know) and ever since I have had a lot of rumours telling me he has been out partying and doing more drugs, in which he denies and throws 'you're just doing anything to stop me being in this babys life'. Every time we speak without a doubt he will either accuse me of being with a male or at least asks if I have a new partner. We have been split up for around 5 months now and he still to this day begs for me back and harrasses myself, my family members and also my friends with messages. He seems to only be sticking around in hope I take him back and we be a family. I have many people who have witnessed him shouting in my face in the streets(his mum had to come and take him away), calling me names, read our conversations over text and they are advising me not to put his name on the birth certificate. He has spent most of my pregnancy being blocked from any contact with me(unless it was about the baby) because he would always just want to know what i'm doing, accusing me of being with males and just simply stressing me out. I blocked his number from texting and ringing me, he would then message me through facebook, and after I blocked him off all my social media, I then got a twitter notification off of him...he had made a twitter account. I don't know want to do, she's due in 7weeks and near enough everyday of this pregnancy has been stressful, I want what's best for the baby so I just need help on this decision. I understand he is the father but is giving him half PR legally through the birth certificate the best thing? He will definately be able to see his child on the set dates and times we agree on if he doesn't go on it, as I have made so very clear. Thank you

AFAIK, unless you have a Residence Order then technically your ex is meant to give written permission for any holidays.

I fly abroad with my son (without his father) every 2 months. Not once have I been asked for any proof of permission to take him out of the country....

Technically you could get stopped and asked. It does happen.

Yep, my ex has PR. How exactly would this permission thing work in reality then? Everyone has to have written permission from their partners or ex partners if they're flying alone with their children? I know literally nobody who's had to do that.

I don't know I'm just saying 1 thing that the ex can do to manipulate the op.

I suspect the ex could inform the passport office and as passports now have chips in them the passport office could update the chip saying not allowed to leave the country.

I fly abroad with my son (without his father) every 2 months. Not once have I been asked for any proof of permission to take him out of the country

I don't live in the UK, so I find that peculiar. However if his father has PR and you don't return to the UK, he can apply to have his son returned under the Hague Convention.

Another one saying don't put him on the birth cert., get a restraining order and if there is any chance of you and your child becoming invisible, take it.

In reality, it's not so much a case as having an ex's permission as not having their objection. There are a good number of ways to not have an ex's objection. For example, I don't ask my ex for permission.

Yes, technically speaking border officials are allowed to ask to see permission documents.

I know of this happening at Portuguese and French airports through friends of mine. It's even more stringent if travelling to South Africa.

Go to citizens advice bureau, they can sometimes have solicitors available for advice for free. I'd look into getting a non-molestation order. (In managed to get one completed in a week) Do not put him on the birth certificate. He sounds emotionally abusive and will make your life hell. Please go and get some advice.

I am not married and my partner had to be there in person when we registered our son.

Give the baby your surname and a good life with you. It is so good you got out when you did xx best of luck xx

Yep, my ex has PR. How exactly would this permission thing work in reality then? Everyone has to have written permission from their partners or ex partners if they're flying alone with their children? hmm I know literally nobody who's had to do that

I have been asked 3 times in the last year. I travel with documents that conform no other party holds PR for the children I travel with

You aren't married so you don't have to put him on the birth certificate. I don't see any reason why you should make his access to your son easier by putting him on. I'm not sure why you are even considering it. If he wants to go to court so be it, he can have a bit of hassle.

Never happened to me or anyone I know (that I know of, obviously) sock. God knows what I'd do if it became more common...my ex is abusive and would definitely take the opportunity to Lord it over us. Who writes up documents stating whether or not anyone else has PR? And what's supposed to happen if an NRP has PR but is uncontactable? Or simply not in the child's life?

Mine was a declaration by my solicitor that was notarised.

If you go to Canada you definitely need permission from anyone with PR and ideally it should be notarised too.

Personally, , I would leave him off birth cert and deny all knowledge of him It is unlikely that he will go to too much trouble to prove parentage!

If you go to Canada you definitely need permission from anyone with PR and ideally it should be notarised too

I was in Canada with my 2-year-old dd wanting to return to Mexico (where her father lives) and if I had had him on the birth certificate, I would have had to wait until he sent us permission to travel, even though we were returning to his country.

OP, his behaviour is unacceptable. He IS emotionally abusive, which is not ok. You need to get a non molestation order. Go to the police if he keeps harassing you. They do take it seriously, and will take a statement. They will then serve him with the order if you go ahead and get it sorted. I have been in your situation and it gets worse believe me.

I did it as I needed to protect my ds and myself. He did try and take me to court for access, it was supervised once a week by a welfare officer for a few months as he wasn't seemed fit to be allowed access by himself. When it came to the point that they were going to allow him access directly without supervision he got bored and backed off, haven't heard from him since. I never received a penny not want a dime from that waste of space.

He tried to ruin my life and didn't care that there was a child involved. I was working 4 days a week, in my final year of university and going through the courts was a mental struggle, but it was the best thing I ever did. The worse thing that went against me was that I let him see him a few times in my company before I went to a solicitor:

Protect yourself and your unborn baby OP, try and get this in place before your babies arrival. Don't put him on the birth certificate.