AIBU in thinking woman my OH works with is behaving inappropriately?

[StephFx]

My partner has recently mentioned a few things to me about his new PA who started within his company a couple of months ago and they are starting to get to me... AIBU in being totally pissed off here? So OH came home the other week and told me that something really strange happened at work and it made him feel quite awkward. Apparently, she came in to this office and totally out of the blue said "Look I just found these, forgot I had these!" and started showing him some photos on her phone of herself which had been taken during some sort of 'photo-shoot'. Apparently these photos were of her in her underwear posing in various positions and OH felt extremely uncomfortable and wasn't sure what to say. Next thing, OH came home yesterday and said that she had come in to his office speaking to him about her marriage (she only got married a month ago) and how it is likely to be over by Christmas. She is regularly coming in to his office telling him that she is fed up of her hubby and how useless he is etc etc. I snapped last night and told OH that he better have a serious word with her about her behaviour or I will. Tbh I am totally fuming and feel like storming in there and having a word! He thinks I am overreacting and has said that it's nothing, I have nothing to worry about and that I should be glad he's been honest and told me about it. Everyone in the office knows we are an item and he regularly talks about me, particularly as I am friends with many of his colleagues through work social events in the past etc. Am I right in thinking she's trying to come on to him in a sly way and that it needs to be stopped in it's tracks?!

If your DP is in a position that warrants a PA then he should be mature and confident enough to deal with incidents such as these, not to relay them to you with 'I didn't know what to do'

He 'wasn't sure what to say'???

I assume he has never managed anyone before or has never had to deal with anyone doing anything they shouldn't before?

The fact that it even occurred to her that showing her boss those pictures might be a good idea shows that either he has absolutely no authority, which is a concern in itself, or he has done something to make her think he would want to see something like that.

She is being unprofessional. And your OH needs to deal with it, or escalate it to his boss.

Going to have a word with OH tonight. He's a real Mr nice guy and unfortunately likes to avoid any drama or confrontation at all costs. He's excellent at the skilled element of his job but it is unfortunate that his managerial skills are lacking when it comes to disciplining staff and/or having to deal with awkward situations. The problem with OH is that he's naturally a very likeable guy and people tend gravitate towards him. I think he's probably been his normal friendly self and she's started to get ideas as her marriage is on the rocks. After 'testing the water' with the inappropriate pics and he did not take appropriate action, she probably now thinks theres a green light.

The fact that it even occurred to her that showing her boss those pictures might be a good idea shows that either he has absolutely no authority, which is a concern in itself, or he has done something to make her think he would want to see something like that.

This.

I know OP has said it's a small company and all (so we're not talking boss of Shell Oil here or anything) but surely he should be capable of professionally rebutting a female junior colleague's advances? It would bother me that he'd twice come home and relayed tales about her inappropriate behavior without being able to tell me he'd dealt with it.

If i told my DH about a bloke at work keep coming on to me and finished it with - but i haven't done anything about it, he'd be seriously unimpressed with ME. Not the bloke at work.

She is behaving inappropriately but your OH has helped to establish a work culture where she thinks it's acceptable. It's not difficult to say 'You shouldn't be showing me those pics' or move the subject on to work when she tries to talk about her marriage.
Does he have form for trying to make you jealous or having inappropriate friendships with women?

X posted OP.

You've painted a nice picture of him OP, but have you told him? That he needs to deal with this i mean.

Oh OP,

A year ago I'd have said you were acting crazy etc but the exact same thing happened to me. He'd come home rolling his eyes about how weird she was and how strangely she behaved and left me for her a few months later.

Don't be totally blinded because of his "honesty" either.

Your DH is either a completely unprofessional wuss, or he's enjoying the attention and has a severe case of mentionitis.

Before she brings in her bikini photos from her holiday, he needs to sit down andexplain that this isn't on. As she's new is he having weekly or monthly review meetings with her? It's a topic for those - private photos, like the modelling photos you brought in are not appropriate for a work setting. You will need to ensure you leave them at home from now on. [Move on to talk about her inaccuracy when typing]

We spoke about it this morning and after a good 15 minutes of me explaining the reasons why her behaviour is totally unacceptable and asking how he'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot, he did finally admit that yes it wasn't right and perhaps he'd tried to down play it in his mind in order to avoid the 'drama' of having to do anything about it. I told him in no uncertain terms that he needed to deal with it and we left it at that. OH doesn't really have any female friendships other than with his friends wives/girlfriends etc. It's not the first time though that similar situations have happened. The last being when we went for a night out and a woman approached him and asked if he'd like to dance with her before wrapping his arms around him. Again he just laughed it off and put his arms around me, rather than actually addressing the situation and telling her to back off. Think he needs to grow some balls...

I think she is behaving in an inappropriate way. Imagine if it were the other way around, everyone would be saying go to HR about sexual harassment.
No need to go overboard, he just needs to make clear to her that it's not appropriate chat for the office. If she persists he should speak to HR.

As PP have said, in a nightclub is one thing, in the workplace is quite another. He is in a position of authority over her. She is a new PA. Him not wanting to confront the situation is not an option, unless he wants to risk a world of pain in the form of a sexual harassment accusation. I think he needs to have this pointed out to him. It may assist him in his ball growing and focus his mind!

I'd throw a party at yours for him and work friends AND her and just look super gorgeous and be friendly to her when she comes, get to know her. Puts you in position of power rather than worrying about a faceless slimeball you've never met.

I think I read this advice before - in the Cathy and Claire column in Jackie mag in the 70s maybe?

OP, your dh (and you) need to stop seeing this as a relationship issue and start seeing it as a management/work issue. This is in no way comparable to him laughing off a woman in a nightclub putting her arms around him.

There is a big problem if you dh didn't see anything wrong in looking at a co worker's underwear photos - even if she is the one showing him the photos - and he is going to get himself into trouble someday.

he needs to take a management course and become an adult. That means sometimes having to say things like "that isn't appropriate, please put the phone away".