SENCO has dismissed my complaint, as "it was a genuine misunderstanding"...

[PartyPopper2009]

I have changed my username, as this would out me, with my other info.

This school has been really good, I have to say. However, very recently I have let something go, so this is even more frustrating.

DD is 10 years old, in Year 5. She has Perthes' Disease... She has a Care Plan. She frequently uses crutches, but if things get bad, she does use her wheelchair. The TA helps her get around school, etc.

The TA has changed a couple of times this year, but that hasn't exactly affected her. However, DD uses the disabled toilets, unless she isn't using any support (very strict plan has been put in about this) if she is using her crutches, staff member waits outside the door. If she is using her wheelchair, staff member comes in, supports her to whatever position, or any other help she needs, then leaves (if using the disabled toilet, in building 1, that has restricted access, as there will absolutely be no way for anyone to be outside). If using the disabled toilet, in building 2, she stays in the toilet with her, as she wouldn't be allowed to open the door mid-way (privacy reasons) but obviously turns around and faces the door. DD needs no help with that part of the process, it is literally just an arm to hold while she gets out of the wheelchair.

This TA has yet to be with her in the second building, so already messed up by opening the door mid-way. DD literally screeched at her, so she quickly closes the door. DD then reminds her (she really shouldn't have to) and the TA then stands there, without turning around. DD asked, she said she can't due to her safety and that was written in the plan, erm, no it isn't... DD was beginning to get upset, as she's sitting there desperate for a wee, while some TA is just staring at her.

TA keeps saying that she has to follow the care plan as it's their for DD's benefit. Anyway, TA doesn't turn around. DD feels shit. I'm fucked off. I go in at the end of the school day, TA says she's sorry, she genuinely thought that was in her care plan. I speak to SENCO, she says it was a genuine accident as the TA hasn't been familiar with the second building rules, so wasn't sure.

I'm sorry but it isn't good enough, is it? My DD is 10, she didn't need to go through that. I think it has seriously knocked her confidence, and rightly so. I'm sorry, as there's probably nothing I can do, but I just wanted to get it out of my system.

Yeah, she isn't supposed to leave for this toilet, as anyone could be walking past, and DD is sitting on the toilet at this stage. However, she is supposed to face the door. She had absolutely no idea. I know there is nothing else they can do, I would have just hoped of a better response, like telling me how they will go over her plan. It is very long, as sometimes she can be okay, sometimes not, etc. so there needs to be details of each stage, so they know.

It's like some days, she is absolutely fine and can use the regular girls' toilets, so it is quite a hard plan to be followed, but I would still hope it would be. And that's only covering the toilet aspect. I just like there to be no room for mistakes (or any kind of assumption, in a certain situation).

In an ideal world, I'd like them to make sure all the staff that DD will come into contact with, with be made aware of her plan...

It is good enough. It was a genuine error.

No, it really isn't. It was an irrational error as this particular TA knew that there was no expectation that she watched the child when in the other building; therefore she cannot have bothered to think it through. If she had just made minimal effort to put her brain in gear, she would have realised that (a) it was highly unlikely that the plan would change because she was in a different building; (b) a 10 year old child was likely to know what her care plan was and should be listened to; and (c) there could be no logical reason for her to have to stare at OP's DD whilst she was on the toilet.

What the TA and SENCo need to do is to come up with rather more than vague promises that it will not happen again: what they need to do is to demonstrate an action plan which will include making absolutely sure that all TAs dealing with OP's DD actually do know the care plan, if necessary by giving them training and/or something like laminated instructions, and that they also know they must pay attention to what DD actually says.

That toilet does not seem fit for purpose. However, could a curtain be installed and then pulled across inside the toilet so that the TA can go out without your DD being exposed.

Oh, your poor DD.

I can't help wondering if the TA would really have reacted like that with a child without any extra needs. I would imagine that, with a ten year old, most people would respond to a startled scream by trusting that the child was shocked and taking the cue that they might have done something wrong. I wouldn't say it sounds as if the TA treated your DD as less able to explain her own situation - because I expect she wasn't consciously doing that - but it does sound as if she was unnecessarily dismissive when she insisted on telling your DD that she had to do what she did.

I'd be more concerned about that, than about any mistake made, because I'd want this TA not just to know about the specifics of your DD's care, but also to know that children like your DD, who have physical needs for care, are just as able as any other child of the same age to explain what is and is not appropriate in terms of privacy.

As BalloonSlayer said:
'If the TA opened the door then she was trying to leave.

Why then did she subsequently insist that she couldn't turn around as she had to keep watching her?

Doesn't make sense.'

It makes no sense to listen to the little girl about opening the door and leaving, then refuse to listen over the watching as if she's too little to know what the plan is :-s.
I really feel for your DD, it must have been really upsetting to be treated that way. I'd suggest going back in a constructive frame of mind (if u can manage to muster one in the circumstances!), and insist on a meeting with the head and the SENCO to help work out how they'll make sure in future that staff are properly aware of what the plan is, to avoid distress to the children. If they don't seem enthusiastic I'd mention a concern that if people are not familiar with plans there could be a risk of a child being put in danger (what if she'd left the room with a younger child, who wasn't safe alone, and didn't dare shout?), and they wouldn't want that, would they?

Your daughter deserved some privacy and dignity whilst on the loo with her knickers down.

I too would be upset for my child.

You aren't wrong in trying to identify what went wrong OP.

The curtain idea would be a great suggestion to the school as a fail safe. I can't see how they can refuse it after what's happened.

I think I can sort of understand the mistake the TA made. She's gone to toilet 2 and helps DD onto the toilet, then turns to leave, at which point DD screeches at her.

The TA gets flustered and realises she should not be leaving the toilet. At this point, she thinks that it's for DD's safety. If it's for her safety, she needs to be facing her, because what's the point of being in the room if you've got your back to the person you're helping.....it's a mess.

Of course, she should have been listened to, but the TA would have no defence if the care plan had said to watch DD and she'd followed her instructions to turn away when she got hurt.

Therefore, the TA needed to be familiar with the care plan, but as she wasn't she was between a rock and a hard place. The SENCO should be taking it much more seriously though, and reflecting on their policies.

It was a mistake and has been apologised for. The TA was acting in what she thought was the interests of your child's safety.

You should meet with the SENCO and ask him or her to explain which procedures they have, or will now have, to avoid another mistake.

A superficial apology without any genuine action to prevent it happening all over again is not good enough.

It's the lack of empathy for your daughter and an assumption that disabled people have no right to dignity, privacy or bodily autonomy.

That's what makes some people have double standards. And yes, it's very sad and I hope one day it changes.

Forgot to add the other delightful thing that happens to disabled people...

The way that people decide others know better than the disabled person themselves. so the disabled person must be subjected to whatever mistake or high handed decision the person in control decides. In spite of the disabled person knowing their care plan / vital information about their own needs.

They know better just by dint of being err, not disabled.

It doesn't get very much better as you get older I'm afraid, but you do get better about minimizing the effect these uninformed people can have on you.

miscellaneous nailed it

Sorry isn't enough. You need a guarantee that it won't happen again and that if (yet another) TA is put in place at any point, she will be fully/properly trained.
My dd had a care plan at school, the rule was always call the ambulance before you call me. I got a call, assumed the ambulance had been called, drove the nine miles to school (15 minutes rural country roads) got there and dd was going blue round the lips. No ambulance had been called because they thought they'd get my judgement first! Shredded them!
I think you should be asking for written guarantees.

I've been thinking about this thread since I posted earlier.

OP, I don't mean to concern or frighten you but I think you may want to make it very clear to DD that she can tell you anything that happens with the TA's and you'll believe her.

One of my main memories of the SENCO at my secondary school (I'm a lifelong wheelie) is how several of my TA's were crap (wouldn't turn up when they should and my friends would end up helping amongst other things) and if my parents complained the suggestion would often be made that "I think Hat is getting confused and what you're being told isn't exactly what's happening."

She has a physical need and was being treated like she couldn't think for herself. It's hardly like she was able to walk away from the situation. Poor kid. It isn't good enough to just say sorry. The TA should apologise to your daughter, admit she should listen and reassure her that she'll listen in future. A little bridge building and trust regaining is needed here.

Can you make it clear to the SENCO that anyone helping with DD's care should listen to her over and above what they think is in the Care Plan? Especially as her condition varies significantly so she needs more support at some times than others, it should be her who has the say on what is needed. So if she says "turn your back please" they should REGARDLESS of what they think the care plan says. Shes 10, not a toddler, she can be trusted to know what she needs.

I'm sorry she's been through it, and hope that in the future even if a genuine mistake happens again (sadly it probably will) that she is listened to and respected so it begins and ends in the moment with a "please turn your back" "oh I'm sorry I didn't realise"

What MiscellaneousAssortment said.

It's very much in evidence on this thread, that attitude.

Agree that an apology isn't enough. I'm not saying anyone should be hung out to dry (I imagine the TA's thinking/confusion was very much as lougle has said) but you and your daughter need assurance that the plan is going to be revisited and studied by every adult who has contact with her.

It's fortunate that on this occasion it was 'only' your dd's dignity that was harmed. A different mistake arising from a similar misreading of a care plan could have affected her safety and resulted in physical harm. For this reason as much as what did happen the school urgently need to train their staff in EHCPs.

Yanbu

An apology to you is not enough.

In your shoes as a minimum i think I'd want:-

A heartfelt apology to dd from the ta and the senco(?) who failed to adequately train the ta.

An agreement as to how new ta's will be trained to minimise the risk of her plan not being followed.

An acknowledgment from ta and senco that your dd has the same autonomy over her body, rights and wishes as anyone else and that absolutely no one should touch her or look at her partially naked body without her express consent unless she is unable to give it (unconcious, etc). Plus a massive personal apology to your dd for refusing to turn around.

I agree with WreckingBallsInsideMyHead that I would ask that the care plan be amended with the #1 rule being words to the effect of your DD being 10 y/o and mentally sound to be making her own decisions and her wishes should be respected above all other rules (unless doing so would place her in direct and immediate danger). If in doubt, contact a parent immediately and if you can't get a hold of a parent right away, follow her wish.

I can't imagine how a toilet could be "direct and immediate" danger. She's vocal, she's can hear. The TA can also hear (and presumably hear her peeing). She could vocalise "are you still okay?" and ensure the TA gets a response.

I'm not sure what her care plan looks like but could your DD carry a copy with her? Could it be PDF'd and place on a cell phone or tablet? If in doubt the TA (or your DD) could check it.

Your poor DD :( It might be a good time to discuss with your DD what she can do about certain situations like this. Could she have a cell phone so she can contact your or her dad/other guardian at all times?

An acknowledgment from ta and senco that your dd has the same autonomy over her body, rights and wishes as anyone else and that absolutely no one should touch her or look at her partially naked body without her express consent unless she is unable to give it (unconcious, etc). Plus a massive personal apology to your dd for refusing to turn around.

^^ this 100%

This is shocking. Your poor DD. I agree your DD needs a PROPER apology not some half arsed 'oops' via a parent.

There are loads of ways this could be prevented in future but the bottom line is it sounds like TA was lacking in common sense. So I totally understand why this would shake your faith in them.

Good luck with getting this resolved.