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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

SENCO has dismissed my complaint, as "it was a genuine misunderstanding"...

73 replies

PartyPopper2009 · 11/07/2016 19:22

I have changed my username, as this would out me, with my other info.

This school has been really good, I have to say. However, very recently I have let something go, so this is even more frustrating.

DD is 10 years old, in Year 5. She has Perthes' Disease... She has a Care Plan. She frequently uses crutches, but if things get bad, she does use her wheelchair. The TA helps her get around school, etc.

The TA has changed a couple of times this year, but that hasn't exactly affected her. However, DD uses the disabled toilets, unless she isn't using any support (very strict plan has been put in about this) if she is using her crutches, staff member waits outside the door. If she is using her wheelchair, staff member comes in, supports her to whatever position, or any other help she needs, then leaves (if using the disabled toilet, in building 1, that has restricted access, as there will absolutely be no way for anyone to be outside). If using the disabled toilet, in building 2, she stays in the toilet with her, as she wouldn't be allowed to open the door mid-way (privacy reasons) but obviously turns around and faces the door. DD needs no help with that part of the process, it is literally just an arm to hold while she gets out of the wheelchair.

This TA has yet to be with her in the second building, so already messed up by opening the door mid-way. DD literally screeched at her, so she quickly closes the door. DD then reminds her (she really shouldn't have to) and the TA then stands there, without turning around. DD asked, she said she can't due to her safety and that was written in the plan, erm, no it isn't... DD was beginning to get upset, as she's sitting there desperate for a wee, while some TA is just staring at her.

TA keeps saying that she has to follow the care plan as it's their for DD's benefit. Anyway, TA doesn't turn around. DD feels shit. I'm fucked off. I go in at the end of the school day, TA says she's sorry, she genuinely thought that was in her care plan. I speak to SENCO, she says it was a genuine accident as the TA hasn't been familiar with the second building rules, so wasn't sure.

I'm sorry but it isn't good enough, is it? My DD is 10, she didn't need to go through that. I think it has seriously knocked her confidence, and rightly so. I'm sorry, as there's probably nothing I can do, but I just wanted to get it out of my system.

OP posts:

ApostrophesMatter · 11/07/2016 20:30

Your complaint wasn't dismissed. She apologised and said it wouldn't happen again. Not sure what else she could do without a time machine.

Original poster

PartyPopper2009 · 11/07/2016 20:31

I'm glad some of you understand how important this is ...

I know to a lot of you an apology seems fair, and that may be because you aren't fully aware of how important a care plan is? (Not saying you don't, just seems like it) but my daughter was stared at while she peed and wiped, it wasn't needed. If this TA was so sure that she had gotten it right, why did she listen to my DD about having the door shut? As my DD said to her multiple times that she should turn around, as that is what's in her care plan, but she ignored it...

A care plan is there so I know she will me comfortable and safe at school, you really do get angry and upset when something so important is ignored or hasn't been made aware to the people who are looking after her no, DD didn't get a direct apology.

OP posts:

SekhmetLioness · 11/07/2016 20:31

Yes, I wouldn't be happy that your dd wasn't listened to and her objections and guidance ignored.

LyndaNotLinda · 11/07/2016 20:32

No, it isn't bloody good enough but unfortunately AIBU is peopled with those who think children with SN should be tolerated, rather than accommodated in MS school.

I'd ask the SENCO what she's planning to do to stop this happening again, given the turnover of TAs. It is the SENCO's responsibility to ensure that everyone working to assist your DD has been properly briefed and understands the Care Plan to the letter.

I'm so sorry your DD has been put through this

NeedACleverNN · 11/07/2016 20:32

I would call a meeting and get an apology specifically for Dd and maybe go through the care plan as a group with your Dd to refresh it and allow her to stand her ground more

Original poster

PartyPopper2009 · 11/07/2016 20:33

I've also seen many people say that a mistake isn't a good enough reason (on other threads), but for some reason, in this situation, it is?

OP posts:

NeedACleverNN · 11/07/2016 20:34

Well it was a genuine mistake but it is an unacceptable mistake.

Your 10 year old Dd should never have been put in the position where she felt uncomfortable

Somerville · 11/07/2016 20:35

Apostrophes How does she know it won't happen again when they have form for changing the TA, and this one 'genuinely thought' that staring at a ten year old while she urinated and/or defecated was in her plan?
An apology is quick and easy. It is often used to make something go away quickly, when what is really needed is working out how it happened and what can change for next time.

LivingInMidnight · 11/07/2016 20:35

This must be one of those things that only winds up the people well versed in disability issues.

At 10 years old your DD is obviously going to be an expert in her own care plan! I hope she's ok

lougle · 11/07/2016 20:37

Do you feel that your complaint has been dismissed because the SENCO has dealt with it so quickly? Or do you feel your DD deserved a formal apology? Or do you feel that the HT should have been involved?

I'm trying to identify what action would have led to you feeling that it had been taken seriously.

MrsKCastle · 11/07/2016 20:37

Has that particular TA helped her in building A? Because if she had, she would know that your DD doesn't need to be watched.

I think the thing that would concern me is that it shows a lack of knowledge of your daughter's difficulties. Clearly she thought she had to watch in case your DD fell, which obviously isn't likely if she can be left alone in the other toilet. So is the TA fully understanding how much support is needed in other situations?

Original poster

PartyPopper2009 · 11/07/2016 20:40

lougle - I wasn't told of any way that they will make sure this won't happen again (by going over her plan with any new staff that may be there to help her, for example)... It was a quick "oh, she thought she got it right, sorry".

MrsKCastle - she has helped her before, yes. Which is again, very odd. It was like she was following the rules of the first building, but seemed to assume that if she was going to be in the toilet, she had to look at her.

OP posts:

lougle · 11/07/2016 20:40

Perhaps they could change procedure, so that part of the orientation of a new TA is to run through the procedure in the care plan in each setting with your DD, when she doesn't need to use the loo. That way, she'll be able to say 'and this is when you turn around....' and the TA will be able to look at the care plan and say 'oh yes, I see...' and they both agree that course of action.

sleeponeday · 11/07/2016 20:43

Fuck me, this is a turn up for the books. Usually disgruntled parents are exhorted to complain immediately to Offstead (sic).

Unless the complaint concerns a disability. Then parents are expecting the moon on a stick if they're upset by a failure of some kind.

Summerwood1 · 11/07/2016 20:44

What are you hoping to get out of this? She's said sorry.

sleeponeday · 11/07/2016 20:45

I'm sorry, as there's probably nothing I can do, but I just wanted to get it out of my system.

In the OP.

Original poster

PartyPopper2009 · 11/07/2016 20:46

It's really sad to see how the replies are so different when a disability is involved. I have seen on threads before "sorry isn't really good enough" or "sorry doesn't make it any better" etc.

Sad.

Why is it? I've never posted about my DD and her disability before, so I have never even realised.

OP posts:

MaddyHatter · 11/07/2016 20:46

Your DD at 10yo should be trusted by an adult to know what is in her care plan.

If she doesn't need the TA in the toilet with her in building 1, why on earth would she need watching in building 2?

The apology should be to both your and your DD, but from there, there needs to be reassurances this won't happen again, and they need to outline exactly how they intend to make sure it doesn't up to and including the TA's realising your DD is well aware of her own care plan an what it entails.

The time for arguing was not in the bathroom while your DD needed to pee.

BalloonSlayer · 11/07/2016 20:54

If the TA opened the door then she was trying to leave.

Why then did she subsequently insist that she couldn't turn around as she had to keep watching her?

Doesn't make sense. Not that I am implying that she wanted to watch her, just that it's common sense that your DD can be left unobserved, and the TA knew that as she was trying to leave the toilet. It really does sound as if she really wasn't listening, and not thinking things through either.

TheHatOfDoom · 11/07/2016 20:55

OP if the reason they have to stay in one of the disabled toilets is because they can't open the door without people seeing what about asking them to put a privacy curtain up? A shower curtain would do the trick (obvs not see through) and using it could be written in the care plan.

itsbetterthanabox · 11/07/2016 21:00

If she's asks not to be watched using the toilet that needs to be respected. She's not a toddler and her privacy is important. If she hadn't needed any help the ta was right there to help and would have turned round.
Has this person had the issue discussed with them. Have they apologised directly to your daughter themselves?

Wolfiefan · 11/07/2016 21:07

I really don't understand. The TA was going to leave and then stayed instead and watched as she had a wee and wiped? That is so contradictory. Sounds like she didn't have a clue what she should be doing. First she thought she should leave. Then she decided your DD wasn't safe unless she watched her.
Your poor DD. That must have been pretty humiliating and could well affect how confident she feels about being taken care of at school in future.
All staff need to be made aware of the plan. Is it a long document? Could she carry a card or something (guessing not)? There is a serious training issue here for future TAs.

PenelopePitstops · 11/07/2016 21:08

OP I really feel for your dd, what an embarrassing situation for her. I also feel for the TA as well, she just thought she was doing her job. She is human and can make mistakes.

Please remember that the TA will work with lots of other children who will also have care plans (perhaps not as detailed as your dds) and it is hard to remember every element of all of them. She was in a new situation and made a mistake. A hugely embarrassing and uncomfortable one, but still a mistake.

I make mistakes daily as a teacher, sometimes small things at the board like getting the answer wrong, sometimes something bigger. Acknowledging this and apologising is all I can do. Aside from apologising and re reading the care plan there isn't a lot else the TA can do.

I hope tomorrow brings a fresh start for you all.

Owllady · 11/07/2016 21:09

Please have a meeting with them, this needs to be dealt with x

BertrandRussell · 11/07/2016 21:11

OP- in an ideal world, what would you like to happen now?

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