I know IABU about anniversary gift. Help me be grateful please?

[Buggrit]

NC because I know I'm being a twat .

It's our first wedding anniversary - we were both up at midnight so gave each other gifts then. I had made him a framed crafty thing. Took a very long time to make but I knew he'd like it. He does. All good. I partly decided to do that because we are skint and mutually agreed to spend very little - £10ish max.

He has written me a poem which is a nice thought and I would genuinely be suitably grateful even if it is absolutely dire, and something he's done before and wish he'd STOP except for two things:

1. He has spent a huge amount of money that we don't have getting it printed in fancy curly letters onto a scroll. With wooden knobby bits and a presentation box and a red ribbon with a heart charm. It is beyond naff and doesn't do anything but sit in its box. Cluttering up the place. When he knows I've spent all year finally and gleefully letting go of useless tat.
   
   
2. it hasn't actually arrived. He showed me on his phone, because despite paying an eye-watering amount for this thing on Wednesday plus more for next day delivery it hasn't arrived.
   
   So - I know I sound like a brat, I really do. He put thought in and blah blah blah but it doesn't feel like it, because I feel like if he knew me at all he'd know I'd hate it. And I'd hate him throwing away money. I'd honestly rather he'd gone to Tesco and picked up a paperback he thought I'd enjoy.
   
   Anyway, I convinced him I'm thrilled last night but now I'm lying here hoping I can keep it up today. The only silver lining I can think of is it might never arrive and he can get the money back.
   
   Argh I'm such a bitch

[AnnaMarlowe]

We've been married a long time. We always choose something together to mark the occasion, usually something for the house eg a picture, a kitchen gadget, a lamp etc. Something we both love and will enjoy using together.

Present buying shouldn't be a competition or a relationship test.

Your first anniversary shouldn't be all about presents.

[JackandDiane]

Both presents sound hideous. Buy a bottle of champagne each.

[00100001]

How would you have felt if he had done nothing?

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Crafty tat that can go on the wall sounds worse. he's probably faking delight as well.

At least you can hide his.

[Postchildrenpregranny]

We've been married nearly 34 years. Other than our first anniversary (gold chain)and our Silver Wedding (diamond earrings ) we don't exchange presents or even cards. We don't do birthday and Christmas cards either( we live in the same house ..) We do often go away or for a meal out , though as our anniversary is 3 days before my birthday its usually a joint celebration . I'd knock it on the head straight away
But then I often buy my own birthday and Christmas presents . DH has bought me some lovely jewelry (his 'go to') in the past but a girl only needs so much. And he will take a (carefully briefed by me )DD shopping on occasion.
We share an aversion to 'tat' and he hates knickknacks /ornaments etc .
I'd save up and when you've been married a log time and hopefully have more money buy something lovely you both like to celebate
But cherish any poems he writes you...

[panegyricS1]

Congratulations!

Both presents are tat, really, aren't they? But it's the sentiment that is important. You're obviously a strong couple.

Maybe next year, spend £15-20 on brunch, or on a decent bottle of wine to share?

[Ditsy4]

It is the thought that counts.

We didn't buy presents we just went out for a meal wherever we could afford. This year we had a weekend in the Lakes. The kids have left home!

[ohtheholidays]

I was going to suggest next time if your doing the same £20 between you could get a nice meal,side,pudding and a bottle of wine for £10 from M&S and with the other £10 you could buy a lovely plant or small tree for your garden,if you have one.

When I was 18(23 years ago)I bought my Mum and Dad a small apple tree and a garden rose for my Mum and Dad's anniversary,the rose is still going and is beautiful and the apple tree bares fruit every single year and they only cost me £6 each

[RhiWrites]

Can you frame the stupid scrolly thing? It might be less stupid framed because then at least you can look at it. Or is it's stupid box ornamental? Keep jewelry in the stupid box?

Clutching at straws here. He should have just printed out the poem in a curly font off the computer.

[Laiste]

I would like to know:
a) the cost of the scroll thing.
b) what the poem is
and
c) what this craft present to him was.

As for what to do? I would actually display the scroll when it comes. Maybe in your bedroom or similar. It might stop him doing more in future because more than one thing like that displayed would look odd.

I would also ask him to stick to agreed budgets in the future. My DH has form for spending way over what we'd agreed mind you, and i haven't been able to stop him yet.

[HappyHeart87]

OP, I'm with you - and in the minority I know - here!

It sounds super ugly and I'd also have a hard time enjoying bad poetry, so I feel your pain.

I agree with PP that you'd be totally justified in having a (calm, kind) chat RE going over budget. Maybe in a few days when it's a bit less 'hot'? Having had several years of learning how to accept feedback on awful presents (I am a lousy gift giver and DH an honest recipient), I'd be tempted to also give him some guidance on my tastes as well! In a "I so appreciate the thought and effort you put into this, thank you, but..." sort of way.

[HappyHeart87]

Oh but you can't criticise his poetry to his face. You're going to have to find something to like about it.

[Oysterbabe]

I once had a wife called Buggrit,
Who liked making me tat that was pretty shit,
My revenge this time,
Was to write her this rhyme,
Then watch her have to pretend that she likes it.

[HappyHeart87]

Can we take a stab at what the poem was?

Buggrit, you are my desire;
How you stoke my heart's fierce fire!
You are pretty freaking great,
How I love to celebrate
this, the day that my heart you stole;
Please enjoy this ugly scroll.

[Buggrit]

Those poems are not far off actually. I've read it again this morning and it's very sweet and I will treasure the hard copy when it arrives. Trying to hang the scroll isn't a bad idea. I just can't bear stuff sitting around in boxes that never gets enjoyed or used.

It cost £50 .

And my gift was a paper cut like this this but coupley and with words from our song.

[grannytomine]

We forgot our 25th (silver) I wonder if we will make it to our 50th (gold) and if we do will we remember. We don't rate anniversaries in our house.

[GertrudeSmellsDivine]

I hope that £50 came out of his own personal fun money and not the family budget.

[GertrudeSmellsDivine]

On the bright side, if you pretend to like it, by the time your 25th anniversary comes round you'll have enough to wallpaper the dowstairs loo and you can have fun betting each other whether visitors will have boak or laugh faces on when they've used the facilities.
HTH

[scaryteacher]

Make sure he saves for the big anniversaries - it's our 30th this year which is pearl, and there are lovely shops in Antwerp which sell gorgeous pearls....

[grannytomine]

Oh dear, we forgot pearl as well. I did say when we missed silver I would remember pearl but it slipped my mind.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Fifty fucking quid?!

YadNbu!

[japanesegarden]

HappyHeart, I have to tell you I laughed out loud at your last line. Thank you (sorry, OP)

[EdmundCleverClogs]

You bed been Daily Mailed OP - would you like it framed .

[EdmundCleverClogs]

You've even...

[retainertrainer]

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