I know IABU about anniversary gift. Help me be grateful please?

[Buggrit]

NC because I know I'm being a twat .

It's our first wedding anniversary - we were both up at midnight so gave each other gifts then. I had made him a framed crafty thing. Took a very long time to make but I knew he'd like it. He does. All good. I partly decided to do that because we are skint and mutually agreed to spend very little - £10ish max.

He has written me a poem which is a nice thought and I would genuinely be suitably grateful even if it is absolutely dire, and something he's done before and wish he'd STOP except for two things:

1. He has spent a huge amount of money that we don't have getting it printed in fancy curly letters onto a scroll. With wooden knobby bits and a presentation box and a red ribbon with a heart charm. It is beyond naff and doesn't do anything but sit in its box. Cluttering up the place. When he knows I've spent all year finally and gleefully letting go of useless tat.
   
   
2. it hasn't actually arrived. He showed me on his phone, because despite paying an eye-watering amount for this thing on Wednesday plus more for next day delivery it hasn't arrived.
   
   So - I know I sound like a brat, I really do. He put thought in and blah blah blah but it doesn't feel like it, because I feel like if he knew me at all he'd know I'd hate it. And I'd hate him throwing away money. I'd honestly rather he'd gone to Tesco and picked up a paperback he thought I'd enjoy.
   
   Anyway, I convinced him I'm thrilled last night but now I'm lying here hoping I can keep it up today. The only silver lining I can think of is it might never arrive and he can get the money back.
   
   Argh I'm such a bitch

[2nds]

Do yourself a favour next time stop making him crap. Buy him something that he really wants and tell him what kind of thing you'd like.
To be fair I'd up the budget, there isn't much you can get that's not naff for a tenner anyway.

Keep the tat that you've both made and maybe one day you will look at it and realise how silly all this is and laugh.

[Lonecatwithkitten]

Well if he paid for next day delivery and it didn't arrive he should claim that cost back.
He has gone to a considerable amount of effort, thinking of the poem, finding somewhere to print it.

[Milzilla]

I'd let this go... He tried his best.

[EastMidsMummy]

How much has he spent on the shit scroll?

[DoesAnyoneReadTheseThings]

How much over the budget has he gone?

[OnionKnight]

I'd let it go, your gift sounds just as bad.

For our first wedding anniversary I bought my wife a few Pandora charms at considerable expense (she is the only woman I know that likes them) that meant something to her and what did I get? A small poem and a magnifying glass But I don't mind as it's the thought that counts.

[Butteredparsnips]

Drop heavy hints about what you really want next year? I love yellow roses, they remind me of our wedding type thing.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

This is why dh and I agreed from year one not to do anniversary presents, we do something to celebrate, go away somewhere, get a takeaway and dvd but we decided we could do without the pressure of getting the 'right thing' spoiling the occasion. Especially now we have kids and there's Mother's Day, Father's Day and assorted birthdays it all gets a bit much. We don't even get cards. Remembering and doing something to mark it is enough and no angst.

[ZansForCans]

Be honest with each other and thrash this out - what do you both really want on an occasion like this? I'm like you, I'd love a book - or nice chocolates, bubble bath or nail polish - honestly, because that's what I like. Maybe what he would really like is your crafty thing, or something else - but you need to communicate.

If surprise presents are causing resentment and annoyance, you need to stop doing it. I told my ex early on I didn't really like surprise presents (even though some of them were nice, the surprise element and knowing I'd have to "act grateful" stressed me out) but he didn't listen, so I backed down. I went on finding it stressful and for years and years - I should have been firmer from the start.

It's really hard with presents because you don't want to hurt someone's feelings, but you could be looking at a naff poem on a scroll every year for the rest of your life, and it getting harder and harder to say how you really feel.

[Ragwort]

Totally agree with Zans - talk it through and decide - do you want 'surprise' gifts which might be naff or to be totally practical and choose something together? My DH and I long ago stopped exchanging presents as even after 28 years of marriage we don't really 'get' each other's taste and both of us absolutely hate wasting money. .

[MrsBobDylan]

Save even more money and don't do presents. We didn't for the first nine years but as this year is our tenth, I've just been out to buyself a nice ring. We are still very much in love.

[yorkstonepatio]

It sounds like his gift took time, effort and was given with love. Appreciate that, as by your 5th or 6th you'll probably have to try and be grateful for a last minute card and a petrol station bunch of flowers. Or he might even forget which has got to be worse.

[Whiteplate1]

How much did he actually spend on this tat?

You say eye watering

[Oysterbabe]

You gift sounds shit too and he's probably similarly wondering how long he can keep up the faking.
Next time say no gifts and use the £20 to go out for lunch.

[MargaretRiver]

I think you should just go with saying how you love the poem but next time it would mean more if it was in his own handwriting , the expensive scroll actually takes away from it.
And do have the talk about budgets and sticking to them, or you'll have years & years of birthdays, Mother's Day, Xmas, anniversary, Easter etc when you force yourself to look grateful as more and more family money is wasted on keepsake tat
No disrespect to PP who love that kind of thing but you clearly don't

[KimmySchmidtsSmile]

Cannot possibly deem how U you are being until you PM me the poem....

[ohtheholidays]

If it's gone past your Anniversary and he paid next day delivery get him to get intouch with the company and kick up a fuss he might be able to get a refund,if he can't get a refund for the whole amount make sure he does get a refund for the next day delivery.
I had something I ordered and paid alot extra for next day delivery and it didn't arrive for 4 days I got a refund on the delivery

But make sure he knows thinks that your getting a refund because your cross with the company for mucking him about like that not because you don't like the present!

[morningpaper]

Can we see the poem so that we can judge appropriately...?

[SatsukiKusakabe]

Yes, zans is right, and if you don't have a zans for cans, you should. Maybe next year. sorry

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

I suggest sharing a takeaway next anniversary instead. Much less angst.

[rollonthesummer]

To fully judge, I need to

a) see a photo of the crafty frame you made him that he 'loved'. Did he say he loved it in the saw way that you told him you loved the poem? I just can't imagine my DH telling his mates-oh yeah, she got me a crafty frame for our anniversary, I love it!

b) know how much the 'eye watering' amount he spent was? £20? £50? £200?

[whattheseithakasmean]

You gave him tat, he gave you tat - I would think you were perfectly matched.

Sorry, I can't help you be grateful as I can't change your character. Some people have a naturally grateful personality (perhaps your DH?) you plainly don't.

[Roussette]

Drop the present idea on anniversaries! Much better just going out for a meal or something.

so glad it isn't just me who's dying to know what the poem is like. the mind boggles as I'm imagining my DH doing a limerick!

[PolkadotsAndMoonbeams]

I'm pretty sure your 1st anniversary is cotton and 2nd is paper (unless you're American, the it's the other way around).

I think it's quite sweet OP, but can understand why you're a bit fed up - especially as it hasn't even arrived for the correct day!