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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he's having a dig at my mum?

32 replies

Rainbow · 09/07/2016 23:56

I had a Grandma and a Nanny growing up and my eldest children also have a Grandma and a Nanny. My youngest (different father) has a Grandma but X DH's mother abandonEd him aged 5 and died when he was 30ish. XDH has a couple of friends (married) who he doesn't see as often as he used to but is close. Recently, DS4 has been coming home talking about Grandma and what he's done with his dad. My mum (Grandma) and XDH don't get on so it's not her he's talking about. XDH refuses to talk about it but says he asked these friends to be surrogate grandparents in the absence of his parents. I have no objections to this but to call her grandma is not right Iand disrespectful when he has one already iMO. I also think it might be a dig at my mum, as in he has more than one grandma now. Ds4 is only 4 and don't want him to think he's wrong. I have tried to speak to XDH but he refuses to talk. Am I BU or is he?

OP posts:
CamilleClaudel · 10/07/2016 00:44

Didn't you already post this somewhere else? In any case, you sound slightly unhinged about this. Lots of children have more than two female grandparents, or more than one granny/grandma/nan etc. Lots of children have honorary grandparents who aren't relatives. It doesn't diminish your mother's role. You sound determined to be outraged.

honeyrider · 10/07/2016 01:14

You're coming across like someone spoiling for a row and looking to grasp any excuse to do so. A lot of grandchildren call both grandmothers granny, grandma or nanna and some call close family friends the same as they're viewed as honorary grandparents.

RedHareWithBlondeHair · 10/07/2016 01:31

You're really grasping now OP. Really.

JackieAndHyde4eva · 10/07/2016 01:37

Youre being ridiculous! Children can cope with having two grandmas. Its not up to you what someone else wants to be called. If you really think it is then why not suggest DS calls your mum "grandma [firstname]"

AdultingIsNotWhatIExpected · 10/07/2016 01:52

Why have you copied and pasted same post twice on same forum? YABU for that!

Just5minswithDacre · 10/07/2016 02:18

But C&Ped with two different versions of how he's out of order? Confused

TallGreenLamp · 10/07/2016 02:49

I had two Grannies when I was wee, as do many children I know. Both were equally loved and wonderful by both sides of the family.

There are only a limited number of names to give grandparents, I think you're overreacting.

MarcelineTheVampire · 10/07/2016 07:35

My DD has 2 Nanas as that is what they wanted to be known as.

I think perhaps you have deeper issues than this with you XDH and are using this to get angry about but I think YABU in this circumstance.

Sirzy · 10/07/2016 07:39

As others have said yabu. You should just be pleased that your son has these people in his life who seem to care about him and want to spend time with him. What he calls them really doesn't matter

Luckyyem · 10/07/2016 07:50

Both my mum and mother in law are nanny, that's what they both decided to be called. If for any reason the dc need to distinguish between them they say my mother in laws first name. They also have a grandma, my stepmum as that's what she decided to be called.

TBH I can't see what the issue is? Your ex doesn't have a mum, and has allowed the friends to be called that. I personally don't think grandparents have to be blood or called different things.

DeathStare · 10/07/2016 07:52

You're just looking for an argument. Millions of families call more than one grandparent the same name with no problem. It's not having a dig at anyone

squiggleirl · 10/07/2016 08:00

Trying to discuss this with him is just shit-stirring.

My Mum's family always used 'Granny', as did my Dad's. Neither of their parents felt 'Nana' or 'Grandma' were right for them, so I had a 'Granny X' and 'Granny Y'.

Sounds like you're spoiling for a fight.

Foslady · 10/07/2016 08:01

My X mil and X step mil were both known as grandma. Dd had no difficulties whatsoever about who was who and they were from the same side of the family.

Total non issue Confused

GreatFuckability · 10/07/2016 08:02

My children have 2 nannies, 2 grandads, a nana, a mamgu and tadcu, and pops.

You're being mental.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 10/07/2016 08:07

I had two grandmas, it was never a problem. My dd has two grandmas and two nanas. Not a problem. I had plenty of aunties who weren't technically aunties but my mum's friends from church. Not a problem.

OiWithThePoodlesAlready · 10/07/2016 08:24

Is it literally about the name grandma? Because that's a non issue. My dc have 2 granny's. Granny x and granny y. It never causes confusion. In fact my dd1 has 3 granny's because she has her dad's, mine and my dp's mums.

If it's about the relationship then that's even more mental. How can another person loving and looking after your child be a bad thing?

maxeffort0satisfaction · 10/07/2016 08:27

its literally not a big deal ffs

gettingtherequickly · 10/07/2016 08:28

Why have you posted this twice?

ThatAnneGirl · 10/07/2016 08:29

My dc have two grandmas. One is not diminished because the other one exists.

Loads of children have grandparents who are not their actual grandparents biologically.

GloopyGhoul · 10/07/2016 08:31

I feel like I've missed something. If my daughter was calling someone 'Grandma' and I didn't know who it was or why they were suddenly a grandparent, and my ex refused to offer even the barest of explanation, I'd be pretty hacked off too.

Witchend · 10/07/2016 08:32

I think it's rather lovely he's found surrogate grandparents.

WhooooAmI24601 · 10/07/2016 08:32

My DC have 4 lots of Grandparents. My Mum has remarried; she and her DH are Grandma and Papa, my Dad and his DP are Grandad and Nanny, EX's Mum and Dad are Nana and Papa and DH's Mum is Nanna. The DCs have no problem distinguishing between any and none are less important for the arrival of any others.

Having Grandparents involved in a childs life can be a wonderful thing. For me it's just more people who adore them. That's never a negative thing.

Glamorousglitter · 10/07/2016 08:37

Why not add their name so DS doesn't get confused - granny X and granny y.

If it is baiting on behalf of your xh then ignore.

YABU because lots of children have 2 grans, nana s etc. It s nice for dc to have the opportunity to have a relationship with them, and can be quite invaluable to them.

wheresthel1ght · 10/07/2016 08:40

Don't be so stupid! You do not own the rights to the word Grandma!!!

My dd only has a Granny as Grandma died when she was only a few weeks old but my niece has 2 Granny's as did my sister and I.

Chances are the woman has used grandma.

Ffs some exw really are insane!

CatNip2 · 10/07/2016 08:40

I had two grandmas growing up, grandma P and grandma B, no big deal. What would you like to call her? Nan, Granny or just her name?