To think he's having a dig at my mum?

[Rainbow]

I had a Grandma and a Nanny growing up and my eldest children also have a Grandma and a Nanny. My youngest (different father) has a Grandma but X DH's mother abandonEd him aged 5 and died when he was 30ish. XDH has a couple of friends (married) who he doesn't see as often as he used to but is close. Recently, DS4 has been coming home talking about Grandma and what he's done with his dad. My mum (Grandma) and XDH don't get on so it's not her he's talking about. XDH refuses to talk about it but says he asked these friends to be surrogate grandparents in the absence of his parents. I have no objections to this but to call her grandma is not right Iand disrespectful when he has one already iMO. I also think it might be a dig at my mum, as in he has more than one grandma now. Ds4 is only 4 and don't want him to think he's wrong. I have tried to speak to XDH but he refuses to talk. Am I BU or is he?

How petty this is.

You really sound like a pita. So what if he calls her grandma. No wonder he refuses to talk about it, you sound exhausting!

YABU ON BOTH THREADS!

I haven't posted twice. I'm not spoiling for a fight. Ds4 nearly died aged 8 weeks old. No one came to visit him because XDH told them the wrong hospital. He would also rearrange things so if he knew i had asked my mum to baby sit so that she didn't. HIs friends have been Ethel and Bert for years, recently he has fallen out with his father and all of a sudden this couple are taking the role of grandparents. They have seen DS4 maybe once a year at best as the live up north now. DS4 also refers to her as nice grandma. He hasn't actually seen her, just photos.

I'm sorry that you are under a lot of stress, but it would appear that you did manage to post the same thread twice, with different titles. Here is the other one.
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2681885-They-are-his-friends-not-his-parents

I agree with you OP. Its not the use of the word granny or grandma, its the fact that someone you don't know is taking this important, instrumental part in your childs life. I'd find it very weird if my ex suddenly said 'oh i have a surrogate mother now' but this woman was never around when we were together. Odd and troubling.

recently he has fallen out with his father and all of a sudden this couple are taking the role of grandparents.

No! that is NOT healthy

And people need to stop relating his to two REAL grandparents with the same granny/grandma/grampa names.

What sort of message is this sending the kid "hey son, we're family and I love you.. but I don't love my dad any more so I've replaced him, now call Bert "grandad" there's a good boy"

No no no no no